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Clips from Mr. Mayor - #PalmTreeReform (S01E01)

"It is off the table, and it is on the floor."
Mr. Mayor
"There's no five-second rule, the cat's got it!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Thanks a lot."
Mr. Mayor
"Now I have to track down the real dad,"
Mr. Mayor
"Zac Efron's trainer."
Mr. Mayor
"- That guy must be hot. - And outstanding at his job."
Mr. Mayor
"- Why wouldn't you just go to him in the first place?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Because Jayden would actually be, like, nice to the kid,"
Mr. Mayor
"teach it stuff, give it a better name,"
Mr. Mayor
"than whatever I'll come up with."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm thinking "Vape" spelled with a dollar sign?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Where would it go?"
Mr. Mayor
"- After, in parentheses. Ugh!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Ideally, the San Andreas Fault snaps"
Mr. Mayor
"and just catapults everything south of Hollister"
Mr. Mayor
"into the ocean, and we start over."
Mr. Mayor
"- Look, look, you can leave if you want to,"
Mr. Mayor
"but we still have to figure this out, hmm?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I want a one-on-one tomorrow."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, yeah, I'm not available tomorrow."
Mr. Mayor
"- But I'm free,"
Mr. Mayor
"as free as every prisoner in America should be,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I take prescription lozenges so I can just talk."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, Arpi, you got what you want."
Mr. Mayor
"This show is yours."
Mr. Mayor
"- How's 4:00 a.m. for you folks tomorrow?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I think someone mentioned half earlier?"
Mr. Mayor
"Us paying half. Could we just do that?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, yeah, but you had turned down my offer."
Mr. Mayor
"- 60%, we'll pay 60."
Mr. Mayor
"Let's just stop talking about it, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"- That worked out swell, didn't it?"
Mr. Mayor
"We just saved the city $30 million."
Mr. Mayor
"Bus lane. Here come the buses."
Mr. Mayor
"[laughs] Oh, I'm good."
Mr. Mayor
"- You used me."
Mr. Mayor
"You made me a non-consensual bad cop"
Mr. Mayor
"to get your filthy compromise."
Mr. Mayor
"- I didn't use you, Arpi. I would never--"
Mr. Mayor
"oh, for-- Okay, all right."
Mr. Mayor
"Maybe I lightly utilized you."
Mr. Mayor
"I didn't plan it,"
Mr. Mayor
"but they wouldn't come to their senses,"
Mr. Mayor
"so yeah, yeah, I had a little helper,"
Mr. Mayor
"trick my bad cop into interrupting the meeting."
Mr. Mayor
"- Wait, what?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Right, you're here. I love you."
Mr. Mayor
"- You wanted her to."
Mr. Mayor
"You used me!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait."
Mr. Mayor
"[sighs] Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"So you didn't learn anything from me?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, but I did."
Mr. Mayor
"Remember your birthday party story?"
Mr. Mayor
"Olivia P. got exactly what she wanted."
Mr. Mayor
"Everyone agreed to hunker down and bowl because"
Mr. Mayor
"Olivia S. was screaming like a lunatic."
Mr. Mayor
"Arpi, in this metaphor, bowling--"
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, we get it. - We are not idiots, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, I don't like the two of you on the same side."
Mr. Mayor
"- Get him. - No, not my face."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"- Hey, mind if we sit down?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I don't know, can you?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Listen, Jayden,"
Mr. Mayor
"what we said before about Samanthee..."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, we thought she looked at you and saw"
Mr. Mayor
"someone who'd believe whatever she told him."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, really?"
Mr. Mayor
"Well, but I didn't believe her when she said"
Mr. Mayor
"I look like Josh Gad."
Mr. Mayor
"I knew that was just pillow talk."
Mr. Mayor
"- The point is, we were wrong."
Mr. Mayor
"She chose you because she knew that"
Mr. Mayor
"out of all the guys who could be the father,"
Mr. Mayor
"she knew you'd be the best father."
Mr. Mayor
"- And you will be someday."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, wow."
Mr. Mayor
"Thank you."
Mr. Mayor
"Until then, I have my work family, where I'm the baby."
Mr. Mayor
"- No, Jayden, we're not doing that."
Mr. Mayor
"- But I'm thirsty."
Mr. Mayor
"I want juice. - Absolutely not."
Mr. Mayor
"- It's just easier if we get him juice, Mikaela."
Mr. Mayor
"- ♪ I'm just a loser"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Shouldn't be with ya"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Guess I'm a quitter"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ While you're"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Out there drinking"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ I'm just here thinking"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ About where"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ I should've been"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ I've been lonely"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Mm, ah, yeah"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ La, la, la, la, whoo!"
Mr. Mayor
"- I feel wonderful today."
Mr. Mayor
"Look at my little outfit."
Mr. Mayor
"- I know I don't understand social media,"
Mr. Mayor
"but this seems bad, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"- What? No. [cell phone chiming]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, the comments."
Mr. Mayor
""Dr. Frankenstein and his monster"?"
Mr. Mayor
"Which one am I?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Good night, everybody! - Good night!"
Mr. Mayor