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Clips from Mr. Mayor - #PalmTreeReform (S01E01)

"A little exclusion builds character."
Mr. Mayor
"- I assume you're trying to exclude Jayden,"
Mr. Mayor
"but it's not his fault. Most TikToks are bad."
Mr. Mayor
"- It doesn't matter who the person is."
Mr. Mayor
"I just need this meeting to go well."
Mr. Mayor
"- Dad, exclusion always backfires."
Mr. Mayor
"Do you remember what happened in seventh grade"
Mr. Mayor
"when Olivia P. didn't invite Olivia S. to a bowling party?"
Mr. Mayor
"- There are too many Olivias to keep track of."
Mr. Mayor
"- We were at SkyBowl, just talking and having a good time,"
Mr. Mayor
"but Olivia P. was mad because none of us"
Mr. Mayor
"were taking the bowling seriously."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yep, I'm following this."
Mr. Mayor
"- Then, Olivia S. showed up with her parents"
Mr. Mayor
"in the next lane, and she went totally psycho."
Mr. Mayor
"- Got it. Psycho."
Mr. Mayor
"- She started screaming that she was gonna tell Ms. Adams,"
Mr. Mayor
"so Olivia P. panicked and was like,"
Mr. Mayor
""No, this isn't my birthday party."
Mr. Mayor
"We're on a bowling team.""
Mr. Mayor
"So we had to pretend to be the middle school bowling team"
Mr. Mayor
"and bowl so much."
Mr. Mayor
"And they never brought the cake out,"
Mr. Mayor
"and they sent us the gift bags in the mail, and by that time,"
Mr. Mayor
"the gerbils were dead. - Ooh!"
Mr. Mayor
"- It's like Ms. Adams always raps,"
Mr. Mayor
""Ditch the 'tude. Don't exclude.""
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, boy."
Mr. Mayor
"Ms. Adams should not be rapping, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No, it's really bad."
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, even I know that."
Mr. Mayor
"- Book a room at the Y. I'll do an ax seminar"
Mr. Mayor
"for the homeless. Then,"
Mr. Mayor
"we seize the Ram's stadium by eminent domain,"
Mr. Mayor
"fill it with dead palm trees,"
Mr. Mayor
"then sell the mulch. Yes!"
Mr. Mayor
"."
Mr. Mayor
"- This building's tall, like Vegas!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Sure. Um, so we just have"
Mr. Mayor
"some standard documents to go over."
Mr. Mayor
"- But first of all, congratulations."
Mr. Mayor
"- I know, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"The timing on this baby thing is, like, perfect."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, the timing is?"
Mr. Mayor
"- I just found out you have to have a license"
Mr. Mayor
"to make CBD dog food out of your home,"
Mr. Mayor
"but you don't need a license"
Mr. Mayor
"for cute internet kid videos. Ah!"
Mr. Mayor
"Plus, if I have it at a theme park,"
Mr. Mayor
"lawsuit. [clicks tongue]"
Mr. Mayor
"- And just to cross all of our Ts here,"
Mr. Mayor
"you and Mr. Kwapis have confirmed his paternity?"
Mr. Mayor
"- No, a woman knows. Right, Mystique?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, it's Mikaela, actually. - Mikaela?"
Mr. Mayor
"I don't know. You look like a Mystique."
Mr. Mayor
"Anyway, I know it's not any of those other guys."
Mr. Mayor
"[grunts]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, no, coffee."
Mr. Mayor
"Here it comes. Look out, accident!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, no, the paperwork. We have to redo it."
Mr. Mayor
"- Not the paperwork."
Mr. Mayor
"Will you come back when we redo the paperwork?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Sure. I'll just go lay out."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm tanning for two."
Mr. Mayor
"Mm!"
Mr. Mayor
"- Jayden."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm so sorry about the papers, guys."
Mr. Mayor
"I didn't mean to. - You didn't?"
Mr. Mayor
"You naturally said, "Oh, no, coffee."
Mr. Mayor
"Here it comes. Look out, accident"?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, why?"
Mr. Mayor
"- But you heard what she said about"
Mr. Mayor
"being with other guys, right? - So?"
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, it's not like we're exclusive."
Mr. Mayor
"You guys remember Emily from the Dodgers?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm not one to kiss and tell, but we hugged."
Mr. Mayor
"If this was a TV show,"
Mr. Mayor
"it'd be called "The Romances of Jayden.""
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay, but you have no proof"
Mr. Mayor
"that you're the biological father."
Mr. Mayor
"- Then out of all those guys, why did she say I was?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Because you're-- how do I put this?"
Mr. Mayor
"Extremely gullible."
Mr. Mayor
"The other day, I heard you give out"
Mr. Mayor
"your social security number on the phone."
Mr. Mayor
"- The man said I was nominated for a Social Security Award."
Mr. Mayor
"- We're just saying that Samanthee is shady."
Mr. Mayor
"We're only looking out for you."
Mr. Mayor
"- No, I see what this is."
Mr. Mayor
"Jayden is having a baby,"
Mr. Mayor
"and all you two have is college debt"
Mr. Mayor
"and rejection emails from Raya."
Mr. Mayor
"- I filled out the form wrong, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"It's being rectified."
Mr. Mayor
"- It's like how you're jealous of your sister's baby,"
Mr. Mayor
"and how mad you get every time you see Neil Patrick Harris'"
Mr. Mayor
""Architectural Digest" cover."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm not jealous, I just hate what they did"
Mr. Mayor
"with the charades room."
Mr. Mayor
"- Looking out for me? As if."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, you guys are uninvited to the baby shower."
Mr. Mayor
"And when I do the balloon release, do not look at them."
Mr. Mayor
"They are not for you."
Mr. Mayor
"- Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"Thank you all for coming in to meet with me."
Mr. Mayor
"I know together we can find a reasonable so--"
Mr. Mayor
"- Yeah, don't bother with this let's share the cost nonsense."
Mr. Mayor
"That idea is a big old penguin, 'cause it ain't gonna fly."
Mr. Mayor
"- Hey look, I get it, I get it. You guys need palm trees."
Mr. Mayor
"Whether it's because you own a business"
Mr. Mayor
"with "palm" in the name or you run an outdoor boot camp."
Mr. Mayor
"- What are my hot gays supposed to climb?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Or you're a Hollywood locations manager."
Mr. Mayor
"- We're gonna have to shoot the "La La Land" sequel"
Mr. Mayor
"in Tampa. Tampa!"
Mr. Mayor
"- And obviously, you need palm fronds for Sukkot."
Mr. Mayor
"So what kind of business do you run, sir?"
Mr. Mayor
"- A dry cleaners. - Great."
Mr. Mayor
"So annually, how much do you--"
Mr. Mayor
"- But that's not why I'm here."
Mr. Mayor
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