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Clips from 30 Rock - The C Word (S01E01)

"- We need to fire Lutz. - Why? What happened?"
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"He called me the worst name ever."
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"- What did he call you? - I won't repeat it. I hate it so much."
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"- Fat can? - No."
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"- Mouth hooker? - No."
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"- Monster bitch. - Hatchet face."
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"No! The one that rhymes with the name of your favourite Todd Rundgren album."
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"Oh. oh, boy."
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"Well, he was probably just blowing off steam."
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"I love cursing. I love it."
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"But this word is not acceptable,"
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"because there's nothing you can call a guy back."
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"There is no male equivalent to this word."
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"Well, why don't we come up with one, and then you can call him that?"
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"Like, "muncus.""
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""Fungdark.""
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"I'm serious, you guys."
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"You're just in reaction right now. You need to take a few hours and calm down."
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"Don't tell me to calm down, you fungdark."
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"Lutz has been totally slacking off since his grandma died."
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"I thought you knew and you were just being a... you know, that word Lutz called you."
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"And they thought my sister couldn't even have a baby, so she's really excited."
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"Hey, look. Sherlock Homo is here to solve the case of the gay sweater."
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"I'm a total..."
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"Has anyone seen my runt?"
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"Runt! Runt!"
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"- He's the hit of the party. - You got that right, my friend."
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"and one of them will be Don Geiss, and he's gonna get all my attention,"
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"You know the army be messing with the sun."
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"That's why I keep my junk covered."
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"- What's going on? - It's game time."
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"Jack, you handsome son of a gun! This guy gets younger every time I see him!"
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"Tracy Jordan? God, this is exciting."
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"My grandchildren just love your movies."
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"This guy spends so much time in the sand"
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"that his nickname should be "Fallujah,""
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"- Beg your pardon? - How come there's no black people here?"
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"Black people can't make light bulbs?"
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"How come it's just me and Carlton over there?"
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"the straitlaced brother from "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,""
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"Are we having fun or what?"
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"and he's a lawyer."
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"Excuse me."
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"So, what time does this golf thing kick off tomorrow?"
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"You know me. I'm gonna say what's on my mind, Jack."
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"No, not in here, you don't."
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"I'm supposed to just be a funny black man who says funny things."
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"No, I wanted you to discuss your astounding medical breakthroughs."
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"'Cause apparently I'm only here to be a stereotype."
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"Could you keep your voice down, please? You're embarrassing yourself."
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"No, I'm not embarrassing myself. I'm embarrassing you."
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"What do you want to do about Lutz? Should I call him into my office?"
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"Brisket!"
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"No, it's two dozen cupcakes with melted mini candy bars in the middle."
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"Oh, I get it."
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"You're trying to be nice now 'cause of what Lutz said."
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"No, I'm not trying to be nice. I am nice."
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"I'm a nice person, you bald, gangly..."
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"I'm gonna try harder. I'm gonna try to be nice."
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"Otherwise, he whoops my ass right well when we get home."
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"Ain't that right, Mr Jack?"
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"He knows everything there is to know about the business."
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"I'm ridiculous. I'm black."
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"I'm here, and nothing but them can keep me from it!"
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"No, Toofer. Take the call."
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"This isn't Hitler's bunker. That would make me Hitler."
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"What? This is the new me. Do you like the new me?"
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"And before you answer... Super Balls!"
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"Or I could run around while y'all throw rocks at me."
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"The way you treated me. You used me."
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"It's like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn't use you."
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"I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial, and you blew it."
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"If you can't handle Tracy Jordan, don't invite Tracy Jordan."
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"This is what I do. I drop truth bombs."
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"No, no. You were a movie star."
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"You haven't had a movie in over two years, and you know why?"
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"Because of your truth bombs. Remind me, Tracy."
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"- Told him he could suck it. - And the president of Paramount?"
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"Hey, why don't you play the game with me?"
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"and we could be playing golf with him now instead of Ted,"
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"I'm sorry, Amanda. You were bound to find out, eventually."
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"Oh, they all had personal problems they had to take care of."
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"Go, go. If I thought I'd left my coffee maker on,"
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"I wouldn't be able to focus, either."
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"And then I sent Lutz and Frank out to get us some pizzas,"
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"and they never came back."
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"So you're finishing up everyone's rewrites? That's not right."
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"Yes, but at least I know that nobody hates me today."
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"You think Jack Donaghy worries if people are saying bad things about him?"
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"- It's different for women. - I don't think it is."
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"Sometimes people hate their bosses. Big deal."
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"But you got to stick up for yourself."
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"Because if you don't, they'll take advantage of you."
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"Could I borrow 60 bucks?"
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"I'm going to meet Frank and Lutz at Scores."
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"So I founded the Don Geiss Diabetes Research Foundation,"
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"Gwen and I really hope you'll be as generous with your cheque books"
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"as you were on the links today with your scorekeeping."
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"What's he doing?"
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"I know I wasn't asked to say anything,"
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"but I would like to share my experience with you."
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"When my daughter Shahita was born, she had chubby arms and legs and a big, bald head."
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"I mean, she looked like my Uncle Rupert in a diaper."
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"By the time she was 5, she was 87 pounds."
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"I mean, she could eat."
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"But then when she was around 8 years old, I remember it was Easter."
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"watching Bible movies and eating Fiddle Faddle."
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"The next day was Easter Sunday."
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"She threw up right in the middle of the Jaguar dealership."
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"She was mad sick."
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"And I carried her all the way to St. Luke's-Roosevelt."
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"And the doctor said she had diabetes."
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"I get very upset because I think I was the cause of that"
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"due to my ignorance of nutrition."
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"And I promised Sha that night that I was gonna dedicate"
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"all my efforts to raise awareness..."
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"and finding a cure."
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"Unbelievable! Record donations."
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"I can't thank you enough."
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"I'll set that up, sir."
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