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Clips from The Office - Stairmageddon (S09E09)

"to close a sale with one of our biggest clients,"
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"At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here."
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"on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on."
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"Can you juggle and crap?"
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"Whereas that is not"
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"You are?"
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"Yes!"
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"but with Carla you pay a flat rate"
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"and we closed it?"
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"Oh. [Chuckles]"
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"Oh, no, I'm not doing that again."
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"What the hell? No, this is not happening."
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"Didn't you get the memo? It's Stairmageddon."
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"Come on, Stanley!"
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"Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today,"
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"the Stairmageddon awareness campaign."
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"for a day that hopefully comes once in 100 years."
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"It's a "mageddon!""
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"Come on! Come on, Stanley."
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"and now they're making me climb stair mountain!"
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"Our office has an unusually large number of"
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"unusually large people."
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"So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens,"
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"and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort,"
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"[Muffled] Red alert! Red alert!"
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"The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in."
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"I just got a text from my brother."
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"- There's a review of the documentary. - [Gasps]"
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"- What does it say? - I don't know, Phyllis."
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"Well, the alert was already set to "red""
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"I think we should."
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"[Groans]"
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""The Office: An American workplace"
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"the employees of Scranton's own Dunder Mifflin paper company!""
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""In this series, which will air starting in May,"
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""at many interesting local people."
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""There's Kevin Malone, the Falstaffian accountant."
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"forever chasing a manager position he will never get.""
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"What does Josh McAuliffe know about the paper business?"
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"He works for a news..."
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""Andy Bernard, the rudderless trust fund"
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""child-slash-middle manager,"
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""whose incompetence is emblematic"
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"of a declining American economy.""
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"Ouch. Sorry, Andy, that's--"
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""A possible explanation for his lack of career focus"
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"is his surprising musical talent.""
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"my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited."
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"And you know what? Good."
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""Though it mostly focuses"
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""a lurid subplot reveals"
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""the hypocrisy of a local public figure"
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"embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values.""
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"Oh. Which public figure?"
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"I bet it's Katie Couric. I've been saying this for years."
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"No, I think they mean more like a politician."
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"You own the building."
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"Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night?"
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"Who do I look like, Jackie Joyner-Kersee?"
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"Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience."
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"I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator."
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"The buyer is your sister's friend."
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"This is the printing paper"
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"Your morning 3x5."
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"Coming right up."
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"Well, we won't be late."
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"I love you, mom. Thanks."
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"So what are you two up to? [Chuckles]"
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"Oh, um, Embassy suites."
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""Do not disturb" sign on the door."
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"I wish."
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"What, then?"
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"Marriage counseling?"
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"Hmm."
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"Did you know that is the only kind of counseling"
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"You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it,"
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"but I think it could really help."
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"It can't hurt to talk about them, right?"
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"Hey, Toby."
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"It's a little, uh, personal."
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"Sorry. I-- no, no, no, what I meant--what I meant--"
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"Um, so..."
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"- leading up to it. - [Chuckles, snorts]"
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"I was wondering if you ever did any couples counseling?"
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"Oh, God."
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"No, no, no, no, no."
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"Uh, we're just starting couples counseling."
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"Uh, which doesn't sound any better."
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"Oh, you guys."
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"Kelly called it."
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"2013."
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"Hey, hey, no! No. Get outta here."
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"He's lingering. So annoying."
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"I'm gonna kill him."
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"- How can I help? I'm here. - That's all right."
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"who represents your biggest stars."
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"Look, I just want our life to get back to normal."
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"Don't worry, I've scheduled a press conference for later today."
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"All right, if I have to be the good wife,"
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"Sorry. I'm a better wife than that."
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"I'm just on hold with another talent agency."
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"And every time I click, there's more."
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"252. I can't even keep up!"
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"I hate people!"
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"Why do they never do what you need them to do?"
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"Stanley has to go. That's final."
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"So what I'm hearing you say is,"
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"Yes!"
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"I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just"
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"Directory?"
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"It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing in a way."
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"Hey, Dwight."
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"Stanley,"
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"Hey, c-can you just let me out of here before whatever comes next?"
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"Nothing to be alarmed about."
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"Dwight, you do not learn, do you?"
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"Holy shit."
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"No, you didn't."
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"Man, he's really in Twinkle Town now."
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"two to three times larger than him?"
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