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Clips from The Office - Stairmageddon (S09E09)

"- You gave him three shots. - Shh."
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"Got about 45 minutes"
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"to get him to the client before he comes to."
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"- Let's go. Move it! - All right."
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"[Grunts]"
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"He's like a manatee."
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"Ready? Let's go again. Come on."
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"We can do this."
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"[Thumps]"
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"No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain."
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"[Grunts]"
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"Oh, my God."
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"- Push. - I am!"
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"- I might see a movie. - Nice."
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"Okay, listen."
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"I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this,"
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"Thank you."
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"I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head, like, 1,000 times, but, uh..."
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"I know. Evel Knievel."
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"That's about as good as that's gonna be."
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"I'm gonna launch him."
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"- Catch? - Yeah."
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"I can't catch him, he's, like, 250 pounds."
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"- He's gonna be moving slowly. It's only-- - Blunt?"
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"Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicine--"
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"Okay,"
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"He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall."
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"We should probably call a doctor or something, dude."
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"You okay?"
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"You're really there to talk to each other."
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"I would say that the therapist is more of a facilitator."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"He might start by asking each of you,"
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"At a certain point, he shouldn't be rewarded for that."
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"If I didn't do certain things without telling Pam,"
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"she'd be married to Roy... [Chuckles]"
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"If she can just hang on for a little while longer,"
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"I--this will be so huge for our family."
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"what's the end date?"
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"It must be really hard for her to sign on to be unhappy"
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"if she doesn't know when it's gonna end."
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"That's kind of an impossible question."
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"Ooh, there's Angela."
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"I work with her."
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"Huh. Yeah. [Chuckles]"
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"it's a little weird, no?"
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"Her hair looks beautiful."
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"Yeah, we get it, Phyllis,"
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"she looks like a freakin' movie star!"
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"Andy."
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"that there have been some rumors about my personal life"
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"that I would like to settle once and for all."
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"As my long-suffering wife can attest..."
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"Senator, were you always gay, or did your wife turn you gay?"
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"I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos,"
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"[Chuckles] Yeah. Poor Angela."
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"could be somewhat straight."
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"It wasn't until my marriage to Angela"
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"that I realized how..."
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"Come on."
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"Oscar is with the senator too?"
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"Yes! And I knew it the whole time."
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"I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good."
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"and you didn't freaking know."
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"- He knew! - Yes! We did it."
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"You did it, Kevin."
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"Yes!"
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"I did it."
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"With this new self-awareness,"
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"I was finally able to find love at long last."
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"Chief of Staff Wesley Silver."
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"- What? - Wesley Silver's gay?"
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"[Surprised chatter] [Gasps]"
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"Almost there. Almost there."
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"We can't just leave him bubble wrapped like this."
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"The bubble wrap is the only thing that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled."
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"These meetings are all about presentation."
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"Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent."
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"She does writers, directors, travel, and real estate."
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"Oh, no. [Chuckles]"
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"Well, I have an act."
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"Eh, you go through a lot of mice."
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"It started by accident, actually, as these things tend to do."
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"You know, I was setting down my cat,"
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"and I accidentally put her on top of my dog,"
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"And then I was like, wait. Wait a second."
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"Does anything go on top of the mouse?"
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"Yeah."
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"What's the mouse's name?"
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"it really doesn't make sense to name the mice."
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"Oh, great."
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"Hey, wait, wait, how-- how we doing this?"
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"Just say "arms" and "legs," okay? That just--"
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"Fine, let's go."
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"- Hoist his shank on three. - What's a shank?"
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"It's by the tenderloin."
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"Roll him, roll him, roll him. Good. Good."
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"Okay, can you-- slouch him into the seat."
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"Here. Go around, get the seatbelt."
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"- Got it? - Yeah--yup."
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"[Grunts]"
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"Get in the back."
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"- Aw, come on. - Get in."
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"- Hello. - Okay, we--hey."
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"Hey, listen, listen."
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"We are going to go discuss paper contracts"
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"Looks like we've got no choice."
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"Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister?"
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"New plan, okay?"
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"We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan."
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"Let's go. Gimme a hand."
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"Here we go. Come on, Stanley!"
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"Okay, all right. Come on, big guy."
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"What a pretty smile. Let's go."
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"But I don't want him to do it anymore,"
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"and I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I am not moving our family to Philly."
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"Well, if Pam says she won't go, then--[Chuckles]"
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"Hmph."
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"Jim."
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