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Clips from The Office - Stairmageddon (S09E09)

"and he was really on top of it."
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"Weeks ago, he started"
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"The idea was to get us prepared, both mentally and physically,"
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"- Stay in it! - [Growls]"
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"I put 17 damn years into this company,"
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"- This is an abomination. - Come on. You got this."
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"we have to compare it to the end of time."
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"What?"
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"I just got the text and started screaming, "Red alert.""
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"because of Stairmageddon."
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""airing on PBS next month is a documentary following"
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""we get an in-depth look"
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""Dwight Schrute, the head salesman"
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"thing."
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"It's okay. [Chuckles] The hell does he know?"
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"- I want you to print that out for me. - I will."
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"Now that this documentary is coming out,"
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"Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life."
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"[Stanley grunting, wheezing]"
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"- Here we go. - Son, you've lost your mind."
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"for the entire school district of Lackawanna."
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"You are not my damn boss and you never will be!"
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"Guess what?"
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"Never gonna happen!"
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"- Mommy and daddy are on the floor. - [Laughs]"
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"Oh, nothing that exciting."
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"I have never had?"
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"Mmm. I mean, we're having issues."
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"Um, I wanted to ask you a question."
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"Oh, sure."
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"Let's do it. Let's get personal."
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"I wanted to talk to you about your divorce."
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"Whoa."
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"Oh, yeah, no, it's okay. I can handle it."
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"you guys obviously went through some tough times"
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"Okay."
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"So s--hey!"
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"Hello, William Morris Agency."
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"Thank you, Stan."
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"Oh, honey."
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"Ribbon cuttings, charity balls."
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"I'll be the best damn wife there is."
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"It's insane."
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"This promo with me playing banjo has 250 views already."
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"251."
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"[Grunts]"
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"I'm about to land a top talent agent."
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"Mm-hmm. Good luck."
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"Movie star department."
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"Back. Directory."
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"because I wanted to be made manager."
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"Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go."
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"Pass."
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"For a threat to be credible, you ha--"
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"It's all right. Andy approved it."
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"and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do."
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"Grab his feet. [Grunts]"
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"One, two, three."
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"One, two, three!"
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"Oh, God."
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"We gotta get a wheelbarrow or something."
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"Okay. We're good. We're good. Let's go."
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"Any good weekend plans?"
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"What about you?"
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"Let's go right to the top of the stairs, okay?"
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"And then what?"
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"but I've never actually done this before."
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"That's a little weird."
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"Okay, now here's the plan."
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"I need you to go down to the bottom and catch him."
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"it's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle."
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"Dude, the size of my haunches--"
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"good call."
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"So how does it work? Is it like, you know,"
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"the action of talking to a third party breaks up the log jam, or..."
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""Why do you think you're here?""
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"I feel like he's always making these decisions for the family,"
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"and then I'm left playing catch-up."
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"Well, what's a little while?"
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"- What do you mean? - I mean,"
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"Oh, guys, it's starting! Hurry!"
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"so it's actually kind of insane,"
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"if you think about it."
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"I would just like to start by saying"
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"I am gay."
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"Question for the senator's beard."
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"- yo soy homosexual. - Poor Angela."
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"Ooh. Always hurts to hear that one."
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"There's someone else I need to thank."
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"You didn't know, you didn't know,"
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"But I knew!"
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"Oh!"
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"I did it."
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"- They make a nice couple. - [Gags]"
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"Okay."
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"We're running late. Let's get him inside."
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"- That's actually really smart. - Thank you."
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"for that kind of knowledge."
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"Actor?"
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"Dog, cat, mouse."
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"Yeah, wow, cool."
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"Eh, you know,"
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"They're kind of like cannon fodder, you know?"
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"Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters."
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"that's the vernacular that I'm comfortable with."
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"[Sighs]"
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"Okay, careful, he's slouching."
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"- What? - Get in the back."
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"Damn it."
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"for city of Lackawanna public schools, okay?"
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"Here we go. Upsie-doozie. There we go."
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"You can walk, right? Yeah. [Laughs]"
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"I'm sure Athlead will be a huge success."
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"That was exhausting."
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"Blah blah blah blah."
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"He's fine."
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"That's Benji. Oh, he's precious."
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"A beautiful family."
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"[Laughter]"
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"but I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman"
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