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Clips from The Office - Lecture Circuit: Part 1 (S05E05)

"so David Wallace has asked me to go to all the branches"
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"Um... But I am going to these branches"
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"and I am telling them my secret recipe for success,"
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"my 11 business herbs and spices in a sales batter."
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"Oh, that. Well, that is Pam."
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"Pam is coming along as my assistant and my driver so I can focus."
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"He brought a sled."
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"No, that is a toboggan."
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"So..."
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"Every magician has a hot assistant"
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"and every rock star has a roadie"
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"and Pam is my hot roadie."
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"Yeah, I love being on the road,"
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"24 hours a day for three days."
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"'Cause I have a mortgage now. Got to bring home the bucks."
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"No, don't say "bucks." It's not ladylike."
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"This is a new cardigan. Kind of blech."
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"or lose the shirt underneath or something."
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"Hi, Kelly. Screw you."
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"Excuse me. That is no way to address a superior."
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"Whoa. What was that all about?"
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"You do it."
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"Okay. I insist."
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"Basically, after Phyllis blackmailed Angela,"
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"Michael asked them both to step down"
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"Party planning? I am a paper salesman."
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"I've ever done in my life. This is humiliating."
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"My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot."
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"There wasrt even a party."
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"Can I turn on the radio?"
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"But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do."
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"Then listen to your iPod, Pam. That's dangerous."
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"Well, then... Hey, you know what? Let's just talk."
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"That's okay. I can... I'm fine."
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"I'll just play a song in my head."
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"(HUMMING)"
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"You nervous about seeing Karen again?"
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"Since she was the other woman?"
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"Actually, you were the other woman, so..."
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"No, that was a long time ago."
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"Is that why you're wearing makeup today?"
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"No, I'm not even wearing that much."
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"I even hate thinking that al-Qaeda hates me."
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"I think if they got to know me,"
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"But Karen knows me and she still hates me, so..."
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"You don't have to lie. Through here."
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"ANDY: Um, Phyllis?"
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"She's out of your league, Andy."
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"Sexually?"
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"What we have here is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog"
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"and crippling despair, loneliness and depression."
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"I intend to win."
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"I would never do that! Hey! Hey!"
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"I guess my only wish would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen"
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"to anyone else ever again."
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"Oh, God. Okay."
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"In a way, it's good that it happened to me because at least I can bear it."
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"Ice cream."
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"Okay, point at the Dunder Mifflin."
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"(CLEARING THROAT) Rolando, I'd like you to meet Pam."
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"She is our receptionist."
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"You know what? Maybe"
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"(CHUCKLES) You're late. Everyone's waiting in the conference room."
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"Karen will be right here to take you over. Okay."
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"Don't be nervous. Just picture her naked."
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"That's what I do. Steal my trick."
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"Please cut it out. KAREN: Hey."
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"Oh, my God."
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"What? PAM: Michael!"
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"Wow. Oh, man. My head just exploded."
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"Whoo! Thank God for everybody, right?"
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"I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and..."
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"Are you kidding?"
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""It is your birthday," period."
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"Not even an exclamation point?"
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"This is more professional."
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"It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer."
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"Because, if so, you are succeeding."
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"Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal mars."
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"Have you collected the money from everyone?"
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"I am working on it. How much do you have?"
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"$6."
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"That's how much you and I contributed! Damn it, Jim!"
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"Trying to see what CDs she's got."
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"It's good to know the deets about the girl you're wooing."
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"Uh... Ah-ha!"
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"Feist! Yes!"
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"(CAR ALARM BLARING)"
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"Oh, no. That is so awful. That is the worst news."
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"I have to go. I have to do a presentation."
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"(SIGHS) This is going to be hard for me to speak today,"
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"because I just learned that my father has died."
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"And this isn't even a cell phone. This is a calculator,"
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"but you bought it and now you can't return it."
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"Yes, Karen? Do you need to go pump?"
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"I am talking about how you all need to sell an experience."
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"Like I sold you on the idea that my father had died."
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"But now we think you're a liar."
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"I am a theatrical person."
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"Growing up I always thought I would become an actor"
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"because I have these memorization tricks that I use."
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"Um..."
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"For instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance"
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"(SINGING) I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America"
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"And to the republic for which it stands"
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"One nation under God"
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"Here a woof, there a woof Everywhere a woof-woof"
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"You get it."
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"That is why I've asked you to go around and tell me your names."
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"Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy,"
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"sugar boobs, black woman."
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"and I have used that to memorize your name."
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"Baldy, your head is bald, it is hairless,"
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"it is shiny, it is reflective, like a mirror."
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"I would like you all to give this a shot. What do you say?"
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"Well, then it will be easier for you."
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"But I still think it's won'thwhile to give it a try."
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"Okay, all right, everyone. Meeting's over."
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"But I still have more."
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"Pam, let's go."
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