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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Hot Troll Deviation (S04E04)

"Clearly you are."
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"- Not that kind of confused. - What's George Takei doing here?"
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"- I did a stupid thing, heh. - Yeah, I guessed that."
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"You're too ashamed to face her because of whatever it is you did."
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"Let me ask you something else. Is she seeing anybody?"
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"Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill."
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"...trying to find any scrap of happiness he can."
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"I said I'd think about it."
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"Why on earth are you telling me all this?"
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"...I forget you're not a real boy."
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"See what I did there? I turned it around."
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"...but it turns out I'm terrified of the ocean."
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"That's too bad."
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"- So are you seeing anybody? - No."
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"Howard, you did have a real woman."
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"...your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants..."
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"Sorry, dude. The thermostat's on my side of the room..."
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"So, anyway..."
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"That's great news about you and Bernadette."
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"Short jokes? Really? You're like a quarter of an inch taller than me."
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"Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva."
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"Trust me, she's ready. Make the move."
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"- What are you doing? - You said... Well, the move, heh, remember?"
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"- What are you doing in there? - I'm making hydrogen sulfide..."
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"...against my cinnamon-apple-scented aromatherapy candles."
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"This is not over."
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"I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light..."
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"...those dark-matter discoveries must be wrong."
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"Yes, well, if we lived in a world where slow-moving xenon produced light..."
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"...then you'd be correct. Also, pigs would fly..."
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"...my derriere would produce cotton candy..."
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"...and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic."
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"Oh, you're so arrogant."
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"If you were a superhero, your name would be Captain Arrogant."
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"And you know what your superpower would be? Arrogance."
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"You're wrong again. If my superpower were arrogance..."
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"...my name would be Dr. Arroganto."
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"I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together, heh."
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"Yeah. It's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice."
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"- Penny? Penny? - What's up?"
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"Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking."
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"No, no, no. He won. Suck it up."
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"I'd ask if you want dessert..."
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"...but Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays."
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"If Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me."
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"Howard won't order anything, but he'll come up with some comment..."
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"...involving the words "pie" or "cheesecake.""
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"Leonard's lactose intolerant. He can't eat anything here..."
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"...without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal."
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"- Hang on. I could have the fruit platter. - You want the fruit platter?"
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"- Does it have melon? - Yeah."
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"No, I can't eat melon."
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"Oh, Howard, heads up. Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift."
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"- When was the last time you saw her? - Not since we broke up. Wow."
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"How am I gonna play this?"
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"Sophisticated and relaxed? Friendly, noncommittal?"
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"Cold and distant?"
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"- Hi, guys. - Hey."
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"Hello."
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"I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened."
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"It's one of his best moves."
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"So, my dear, we meet again."
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"- Hello, Howard. I've missed you. - Heh."
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"I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff."
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"- One question. - Anything."
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"Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?"
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"Why are you in bed with me?"
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"I mean, if we start to question this, it all falls apart."
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"Sorry."
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"Oh, ravish me, Howard. My loins ache for you."
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"Okay, if you insist."
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"Howard, have you seen my girdle?"
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"No, Ma!"
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"I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!"
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"Maybe it committed suicide! Leave me alone!"
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"Now, where were we?"
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"I believe you were about to rip off my uniform with your teeth."
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"Bernadette. What are you doing here?"
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"Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here because you saw me this evening..."
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"...and you're still hung up on me. - No, I'm not."
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"Otherwise, based on past experience, we'd be done by now."
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"Okay, I'm a little confused here."
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"Oh, my. Can I help?"
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"Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?"
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"- Of course not. - So you say, yet here I am."
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"George, let me ask you something."
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"It's difficult. You try and stretch as an actor, do Strindberg, O'Neill..."
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"...but all they want is, "Course laid in, captain.""
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"Tell me about it. It's frakking frustrating."
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"Wait, Katee. Why are you leaving?"
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"She's leaving because you really wanna be with me."
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"Howard, I found my girdle! It was in the dryer!"
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"Great, Ma!"
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"I think it shrunk!"
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"I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!"
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"And with that mental picture, I think we're done for the evening."
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"You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette."
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"It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now, heh."
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"Oh, my God, you ran over a hobo."
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"No. And stop asking."
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"Fine. You wanna get back together with her."
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"- In a nutshell. - Okay, well, how about this?"
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"Kidnap Bernadette from the opera wearing a creepy mask..."
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"...so she doesn't know it's you."
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"Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not."
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"You're being unreasonable. Why can't I have a desk?"
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"Our collaboration is a work of the mind. We don't need desks."
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"- You have a desk. - Correct."
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"- But I can't have one. - You're two for two."
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"- Why can't he have a desk? - Oh, Lord, will this day never end?"
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"As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali..."
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"...whose ability to comprehend the American idiom..."
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"...fails him when it's convenient, there's no money in my budget..."
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"...for additional office furniture."
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"Oh. But there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines..."
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"...a marshmallow-shooting rifle..."
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"...and a super-executive ant farm with glow-in-the-dark sand?"
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"Yes."
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"- What if he buys his own desk? - What if I buy my own desk?"
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"- That's ridiculous. - Why?"
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