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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Hot Troll Deviation (S04E04)

"Yes?"
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"- It's my office."
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"- Sheldon. - All right, all right."
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"- He can buy his own desk. - And I can put it in your office?"
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"Well, you really wanna dot the I's..."
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"...and cross the T's, don't you? - Why would you want..."
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"...a glow-in-the-dark ant farm? - They do their best work at night."
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"Ah, it's okay."
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"Penny."
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"Penny."
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"Penny."
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"Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?"
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"Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it."
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"I just have a question. Uh, does Bernadette ever talk about me?"
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"- Yeah. Absolutely. - She does?"
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"Yeah, sure. Just yesterday, she asked, "Why is Howard hiding under the table?""
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"- She saw that, huh? - Oh, no, not at first."
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"Right after I pointed it out."
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"Uh, not that I know of."
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"While we're on the subject, why did you guys break up, anyway?"
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"- Oh. I'd rather not say, heh. - Howard, if you want my help..."
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"...I've gotta know what happened. - It's embarrassing."
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"Okay, well, you know "World of Warcraft"?"
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"The online game? Sure."
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"Well, did you know..."
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"...that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?"
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"Oh, God. I think I see where this is going."
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"Her name was Glissinda the Troll."
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"Bernadette walked in on me..."
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"...while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls."
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"Oh, you're right. That is so embarrassing."
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"- Would you talk to her? - Bernadette or the troll?"
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"Bernadette. She was so mad at me, she wouldn't listen to my side of the story."
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"Well, what was your side?"
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"For all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman."
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"She could've been a 50-year-old truck driver in New Jersey."
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"Really? And that didn't make her feel better?"
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"Will you talk to her?"
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"See if there's any chance we could get back together?"
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"Uh, gee, Howard, I really don't wanna get in the middle of this."
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"No. Why would you?"
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"I'm just another lonely nerd living with his mother..."
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"Maybe to make up for the fact that his dad left them when he was 11."
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"Okay, I will think about it."
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"You know, I've always blamed myself for him leaving."
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"I always thought it was because I wasn't the son he wanted."
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"I wasn't athletic. Yeah, I was kind of sickly..."
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"Okay, fine. Look, look, I'm calling her now. See?"
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"Thank you."
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"Howard asked Penny to talk to Bernadette, and she did."
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"Bernadette agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee."
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"- One question. - Yeah?"
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"I don't know. Sometimes your movements are so lifelike..."
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"You said I could buy a desk."
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"This isn't a desk. This is a Brobdingnagian monstrosity."
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"Is that the American idiom for "giant, big-ass desk"?"
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"It's actually British."
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"- Can you say it again for me? - Brobdingnagian."
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"- One more time. - Brobdingnagian."
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"- Now three times fast. - Brobdingnagian. Brobdingna..."
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"How did you even get it in here?"
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"That's for me, Ramone, Julio, Jesus, and Rodrigo to know..."
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"...and you to find out."
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"All right, you've made your point."
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"A fine prank. Very amusing. Ha-ha-ha."
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"Now get it out."
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"- No. - Yes."
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"- No. No. - Yes. Yes."
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"I have three brothers and two sisters, Sheldon. I can do this all day."
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"All right, if you're not going to remove it, I'll remove it for you."
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"Knock yourself out."
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"- Help me move my desk. - No."
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"- Yes. Yes. - No. No."
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"It's too Brobdingnagian."
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"Why do you even want this here?"
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"Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose."
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"Well, seeing as its purpose was to piss you off, I'd say it's spot-on."
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"All right, I see what's going on."
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"This is the opening salvo in what will be an escalating series..."
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"...of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges. Well titted."
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"- Thank you. - Stand by for my upcoming tat."
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"- Hey, Sheldon? - Yes?"
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"No."
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"- Sorry. I had to clock out. - Oh, no, that's okay. Ahem."
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"- How have you been? - Okay. You know, busy. School, work."
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"- You? - Same."
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"I took a scuba-diving course over the summer..."
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"You wouldn't know anybody who wants to buy a wet suit? Boys' large."
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"Yeah, forget it. Not important."
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"Ahem. So are you seeing anyone?"
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"- To be honest... - Hey, how are we doing over here?"
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"- Can I get you something to drink? - Uh, not for me."
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"- I'm okay. - Are you gonna order food?"
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"- Maybe later. - Okay."
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"That's what I told him when he asked me. I hope that's not out of line."
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"- No, it's fine. - Heh, Penny, can we have a little privacy?"
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"- Oh, heh, I'm sorry. - Heh."
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"What about you? Have you been seeing anybody?"
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"Well, I mean, you know how it is with guys. We have needs, and... Heh."
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"- So you've been seeing other girls? - Well, uh, not real girls."
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"Does that mean slutty trolls?"
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"You look thirsty. I brought you some iced tea."
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"- Thank you. - It's passion fruit. New on the menu."
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"- I know. I work here. - Oh."
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"Yeah, you're right. Doy. So, Howard, trolls, yay or nay?"
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"- Isn't there somewhere else you can be? - Not where I can hear you guys."
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"Okay, fine. Look, I'll admit, heh..."
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"...there are dark, sordid little corners of the Internet..."
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"...where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones."
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"But the only reason I go there, the only reason I've ever gone there..."
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"...is because I don't have a real woman in my life."
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"- You happy? - Yeah. That'll hold me for a while."
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"I was right there in the next room while you were clicking that troll's brains out."
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"Yeah, but we weren't, heh... I mean, you and I never..."
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"- Had sex? - Yeah."
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"- Well, whose fault was that? - Complimentary nachos."
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"You enjoy."
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"Never had sex? Wow."
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"What do you mean, whose fault was that?"
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"We could've been having sex, but you never made the move."
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