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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Cohabitation Formulation (S04E04)

"- Already? Why don't you stay over? - Well, I'd love to..."
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"I know what that means!"
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"I hope to God you used a condom!"
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"My mother seems to think that Bernadette..."
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"- Open the door, Rajesh. - You heard me."
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"Clearly she was sending you a message to take a hike, Mike."
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"Why are you holding hands? I forbid you to hold hands."
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"Yeah, but you were just sleeping because I forboded you to have sex."
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"If true, that seems like an awfully large gamble, given that the prize is Leonard."
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"Some makes sense, some is crazy."
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"- It's very nice to meet you. - Oh, yeah. You too."
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"Would you please tell my sister why."
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"My mom's going to Palm Springs to visit her sister."
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"That's your big solution to all of our problems?"
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"She says it the same way I do."
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"Hi."
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"So, Penny, Leonard tells me you're an actress."
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"Turned out to be porn."
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"You know what would make this perfect?"
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"You got any string cheese?"
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"I am not going to be your mother."
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"Let's get these electrodes attached..."
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"It's actually Thai. You're slipping."
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"...like a disgraced televangelist."
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"Guess who I found at LAX? My baby sister, Priya."
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"It's nice to see you again, Leonard."
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"Yeah, it's good to see you too."
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"- Here you go. - Thanks."
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"- You slept with my sister? - Yeah."
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"- This is a terrible betrayal. - Would it help..."
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"...if I told you that I offered her my heart and she kind of stomped on it?"
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"- How hard did she stomp? - Very hard."
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"Okay, I'm good."
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"- What's so funny? - Nothing."
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"Just thinking about the noises people make during sex."
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"I do sometimes get a bit carried away, don't I? Ha, ha."
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"It's cute."
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"You sound a little like a drunken monkey."
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"You know, it's meant as a compliment. Ha, ha."
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"That's how I take it."
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"This is perfect."
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"- I hope this moment never ends. - Me too."
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"- Well, gotta go. - Oh."
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"...but you know my mother needs me in the morning."
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"Please, I think the woman can manage to put a wig on by herself."
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"Look, it's not just the wig."
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"It's pinning her hair up, drawing on her eyebrows. It's a two-person job."
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"It's just..."
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"When you leave right after we make love, it makes me feel cheap."
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"- Oh, honey, I'm sorry. What can I do? - Stay."
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"Okay."
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"Like, what, another five, 10 minutes?"
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"- Go home. - Your call, eh?"
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"Howard, have you ever considered us living together?"
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"Boy, I don't know."
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"You, me, Ma, living under the same roof? Ha, ha."
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"No. I mean just you and me."
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"You can move in here, or we can find a place."
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"- I've got a solution. - What?"
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"Wait for my mom's heart to explode from all the salt she eats."
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"Stick her in the ground, flip her mattress and move into the bedroom."
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"Great."
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"Look at us. Planning a future together."
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"Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?"
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"Sex criminals don't have keys, Ma!"
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"- Where were you so late? - I was out with Bernadette!"
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"I watch Dr. Phil!"
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"I'm not having this conversation with you, Ma!"
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"God forbid you get one of those new fancy sex diseases!"
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"- Nobody has a disease! - I hope not!"
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"I share a toilet with you."
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"Is that what you want? To give your mother herpes?"
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"Good luck with your eyebrows in the morning!"
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"Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?"
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"I'm still leaving, I just forgot my Claritin!"
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"- Hey, what's up? - I need a place to crash."
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"Sure."
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"- Why? - Big fight with my mother."
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"Hmm. Still arguing over which CSI is the best?"
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"No, we agreed they all have their merits."
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"This was about Bernadette."
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"- What's going on? - Howard's gonna sleep here."
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"- He had a fight with his mother. - Did you offer him a hot beverage?"
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"No."
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"...you offer a hot beverage such as tea."
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"Tea does sound nice."
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"You heard the man, Leonard."
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"While you're at it, I'm upset that we have an unannounced house guest..."
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"...so make me cocoa."
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"Point of inquiry, given that Leonard is your secondary friend..."
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"...and Koothrappali is your primary friend..."
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"...why didn't you seek refuge under his roof?"
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"There's no room. His sister is staying with him."
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"Wait, wait. What?"
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"Bernadette doesn't like that I take care of my mother..."
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"Yeah, that's a real pickle. Bye."
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"Don't worry, as your tertiary friend, I am prepared to step in and comfort you."
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"- That's not really necessary. - No. I'll finish making the tea..."
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"...while you narcissistically ramble on about whatever's troubling you."
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"- Thanks. - That's what tertiary friends are for."
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"- Who is it? - It's Leonard."
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"You can't come in."
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"- Well, I just wanna talk to her. - I forbid it."
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"I forbidded it."
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"Forbidded it?"
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"Forbaded it?"
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"Get out of the way."
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"- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?"
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"- I have business in Los Angeles. - Why didn't you call?"
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"I'm sorry. I thought about calling..."
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"...but I wasn't sure if seeing you was such a good idea."
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"- Can we talk in private? - No."
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"Sure."
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"It's inappropriate for a single woman to entertain a man in private."
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"If you insist on talking, do it on the couch."
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"All right, you may talk in the bedroom, but I want this door to remain open."
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"Just this once you may close the door."
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"But keep in mind I'll be right out here monitoring the situation."
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"Oh, damn it."
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"Leonard, when you get this message, call me."
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