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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Cohabitation Formulation (S04E04)

"Priya, this your brother."
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"When you get this, tell Leonard to check his voicemail."
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"Would you be sleeping over again this evening?"
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"Because you're welcome to."
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"Very nice of you, but I made other plans."
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"Just keep in mind that should you ever need a slightly apathetic tertiary friend..."
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"...I stand at the ready."
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"- Hi, Howard. Hi, Sheldon. - Hello."
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"Rajesh, you know Leonard and I spent the night together."
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"The word is forbade."
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"You sure? That doesn't sound right."
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"Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I decided to see each other again..."
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"...and you don't get to tell me who I can or can't have a relationship with."
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"Actually, he can."
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"The Hindu Code of Manu is very clear in these matters."
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"If a woman's father is not around..."
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"...the duty of controlling her base desires..."
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"...falls to the closest male member of her family, in this case, Raj."
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"The code also states that if she disobeys..."
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"...she will be reborn in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases."
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"There it is, Priya. We're Indian. We believe this stuff."
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"It also says that if you eat beef..."
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"...you need to live with cows for three months and drink their urine."
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"My point is you can't go out with Leonard."
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"- Who can't go out with Leonard? - My sister."
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"Penny, this is Raj's sister, Priya."
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"Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness..."
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"...it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to..."
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"...if I may quote Howard, "Do the dance with no pants.""
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"- Sheldon. - Really?"
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"Hey, Bernadette. Can I talk to you?"
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"Sure."
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"Penny, you became disenchanted with Leonard as a lover."
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"That's two nights in a row I can sleep over with you."
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"Unless the air dries her sinuses..."
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"...in which case I'll have to schlep out there with the humidifier."
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"If your mom's nose holds up, we get two nights together?"
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"- Isn't that great? - No, it's not great."
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"You need to make a choice. Me or your mother."
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"Uh..."
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"- Wrong answer. - No, wait, you didn't let me finish."
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"- I'm listening. - Uh..."
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"I came as quickly as I could."
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"Okay. Why?"
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"To comfort you, of course."
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"Sheldon told me about Leonard dating Rajesh's sister..."
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"...so I hightailed it over here to pick up the pieces of your broken heart."
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"Okay. Amy, I'm fine."
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"You don't have to be strong for me."
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"Now, let's talk about Priya, that man-stealing bitch."
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"What?"
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"In situations like this, best girlfriends are often catty about the other woman."
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"No, really, I am not upset about Leonard and Priya."
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"Oh, then perhaps you don't understand what's going on."
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"Your former boyfriend has replaced you with a very suitable mate."
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"Arguably much more suitable than you."
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"Oh, well, good for him."
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"Hey, what do you mean "more suitable"?"
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"Well, granted, Penny, you're secondary sexual characteristics are bodacious..."
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"...but Priya is highly educated, she's an accomplished professional..."
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"...she comes from the culture that wrote the book on neat ways to have sex."
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"You, on the other hand, are a community-college dropout..."
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"...who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows."
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"Yeah, okay. I got it. I got it."
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"So, what is all that stuff?"
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"This is a portable electroencephalogram."
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"I'm doing research on emotions and brain activity."
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"When you start crying, I can see which region of the brain is activated."
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"Then I'll stimulate the analogous area in a rhesus monkey and see if he cries."
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"Cool, huh?"
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"I choose you."
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"- Really? - Yep."
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"I moved out of my mother's house. The cord is cut. I'm all yours."
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"What did she say when you told her?"
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"I don't know, she hasn't responded to my email yet. Ha, ha."
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"- This is so great. - Ha, ha."
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"- I love you, Howard. - I love you too."
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"- So, what's for dinner? - Um..."
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"I don't have much of anything in the house."
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"That's fine. Why don't we go fool around in our bedroom?"
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"And then you can go shopping."
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"I thought maybe after we eat we could see an early movie."
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"I'd love that."
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"I love the way you say, "I'd love that.""
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"I'd love that. Everybody in India says it that way. It's not a big deal."
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"- Rajesh, don't be a child. - I'm not being a child."
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"Leonard, if your sister ever comes to town, I shall have my way with her."
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"My sister's 38 and married."
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"All the more shame that will fall upon the house of Hofstadter!"
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"- Ooh! I thought I smelled pizza. - That's remarkable."
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"If pepperoni were an explosive substance..."
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"...you could replace German Shepherds at our nation's airports."
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"- Hi. Penny, right? - Oh, yes, hi."
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"Sorry, didn't know you had company. I don't wanna impose."
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"It's not an imposition."
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"At this point in our ecosystem, you are akin to the plover..."
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"...a small scavenging bird..."
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"...that eats extra food from between the teeth of crocodiles."
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"Please, fly into our open maw and have at it."
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"If I had more than a box of baking soda I wouldn't have to take that."
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"Hi, bestie."
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"- So, um, Priya, you're a lawyer, right? - I know, pretty boring, huh?"
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"Oh, come on, it's not boring at all."
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"Uh, she's currently helping set up a secondary derivative market..."
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"...which would allow overseas car firms to hedge their investments..."
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"Thank you, Leonard. That doesn't make it sound boring at all."
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"- I'm sorry, but... - How you holding up?"
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"I'm fine."
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"Who are you kidding? She's breathtaking."
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"- That must be pretty exciting. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's real great."
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"Today I drove to an audition I thought was gonna be for a cat food commercial."
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"Did you get the part?"
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"I didn't do the audition."
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"Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky?"
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"I took acting classes when I was at Cambridge. I loved it."
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"- We did Taming of the Shrew. - Oh, wow, I love Taming of the Shrew."
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"I did a paper on it in high school."
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"Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting?"
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"- In his tail. - In his tongue."
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"- Whose tongue? - Yours, if you talk of tails..."
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