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Clips from M*A*S*H - Bananas, Crackers and Nuts (S01E01)

"[Laughing] And——"
M*A*S*H
"And how when you came to, you thought—— you thought you had four broken limbs."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, I tell you, I will never forget the terror in your eyes,"
M*A*S*H
"that lookjust before you hit the bed!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Laughing Hysterical/y]"
M*A*S*H
"Do you remember that one, Frank?"
M*A*S*H
"— We certainly won‘t. — Pierce did that?"
M*A*S*H
"— Neither do |. —I agree."
M*A*S*H
"Colonel, I‘m taking him with me to Tokyo tomorrow."
M*A*S*H
"Nobody can do the best they can."
M*A*S*H
"Now, Frank, tell him how wrong he is,"
M*A*S*H
"that Pierce isjust pulling a fast one."
M*A*S*H
"Or we ’re gonna lose him. They’re gonna take him away. Tell him, Frank."
M*A*S*H
"Frank, tell him."
M*A*S*H
"Major Houlihan, you tell him."
M*A*S*H
"What “poor“ Hawkeye?"
M*A*S*H
"Observation? The only thing I want to observe in Tokyo is what a good time I‘m having."
M*A*S*H
"— You need tests. — Oh, come on!"
M*A*S*H
"Ofcourse. But you have done some pretty bizarre things."
M*A*S*H
"Gee, I can‘t imagine why. I‘m 12,000 miles away from home,"
M*A*S*H
"sewing together soldiers who aren‘t old enough to shave,"
M*A*S*H
"while people I don‘t know keep dropping bombs on the building where I work,"
M*A*S*H
"which has a big red cross painted on the roof."
M*A*S*H
"Easy, Captain. We‘ll be leaving in the morning. That‘s an order."
M*A*S*H
"Didn‘t anything ever get you, Captain,"
M*A*S*H
"Not much chance ofthat, Captain."
M*A*S*H
"Whatever the situation, it keeps me right on course."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re a lucky man."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘m speaking, ofcourse, in the past tense. —just relax."
M*A*S*H
"Uh, Radar."
M*A*S*H
"|wasjust on my way to the shower."
M*A*S*H
"[Slurps]"
M*A*S*H
"Doyou mind if| sit here, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou. That‘s very kind ofyou."
M*A*S*H
"[Slurps]"
M*A*S*H
"Why do you keep doing that?"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s Major Houlihan, sir. She keeps looking over here,"
M*A*S*H
"and then when you look over, she turns away."
M*A*S*H
"Really? Major Houlihan?"
M*A*S*H
"Does that surprise you, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Just this afternoon, I heard her saying in the women‘s shower..."
M*A*S*H
"Actually, I was on the outside, fixing a hole in the tent."
M*A*S*H
"— What did she say? — [ Slurping]"
M*A*S*H
"Well, thankyou very much foryour advice, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— That‘s Sigmund Freud. — Oh, yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Night. —Good night, sir."
M*A*S*H
"—[Clicks] — Uh, there‘s no light."
M*A*S*H
"Is that so, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, must be a burned—out bulb."
M*A*S*H
"—I could scrape one up foryou. — Unnecessary."
M*A*S*H
"My profession is helping people find theirway in the dark."
M*A*S*H
"—Oh,yes, sir! — [ Laughs]"
M*A*S*H
"Very good, sir."
M*A*S*H
"[ Metal Rattling]"
M*A*S*H
"Idiotic supply sergeant."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Thud — Ow! ]"
M*A*S*H
"It‘s true!"
M*A*S*H
"— Let me do that. — [Screaming]"
M*A*S*H
"Carry on."
M*A*S*H
"Get offme, you animal!"
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret, it‘s me, Philip! —[Screaming Continues]"
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret! — It is not me!"
M*A*S*H
"I mean, I wouldn‘t have anything to do with this pervert, this sex maniac!"
M*A*S*H
"Margaret, it‘s all a horrible mistake! I‘ve been victimized!"
M*A*S*H
"—waiting to spring on an innocentyoung girl? — I‘m innocent!"
M*A*S*H
"/t was that little guy with the soup! It’s all a frame—up!"
M*A*S*H
"A frame—up? You‘re living in a fool‘s paranoid."
M*A*S*H
"She wanted me. I mean I thought she wanted me."
M*A*S*H
"You‘rejust having a little gyroscope trouble."
M*A*S*H
"A little trouble with your what?"
M*A*S*H
"— Can I get out of here? — First thing in the morning."
M*A*S*H
"— [Yelling] — No! Tonight!"
M*A*S*H
"— Even better. — Right."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll packyou some bananas. — And I‘ll get you some crackers and nuts."
M*A*S*H
"Good—bye, Margaret."
M*A*S*H
"— Oh, driver! Yoo—hoo! — Driver!"
M*A*S*H
"Well, here you go, men. One full week of R&R."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, if| say so myself, we earned ‘em. — Yes, indeedy."
M*A*S*H
"— Now, don‘t forget the deal. — |fyou need us, we‘re only a phone call away."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Engine Starts] — Choppers."
M*A*S*H
"Here they come!"
M*A*S*H
"[ Man] Attention, all personnel."
M*A*S*H
"Report immediately to admitting ward and operating room."
M*A*S*H
"0n the double!"
M*A*S*H
"Do me a favor. Keep the motor running until the war is over."
M*A*S*H
"And don‘t stop the meter."
M*A*S*H
"What, did you send out to the enemy for that sandwich?"
M*A*S*H
"— You can hear all that? —I read the report on the colonel‘s desk."
M*A*S*H
"I want some steak and potatoes."
M*A*S*H
"On an empty stomach? Be sensible."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, I wasn‘t here last night! — That‘s no excuse!"
M*A*S*H
"Here you go, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Now, wait a minute. — Henry!"
M*A*S*H
"You‘ll just have to work it out."
M*A*S*H
"Where did you get liver? They‘re serving hamburger."
M*A*S*H
"—This way, sir. —Captain Sherman."
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret, I so—— — Uh, excuse me, Captain."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, he‘s beautiful."
M*A*S*H
"Well, sit down. Sit down."
M*A*S*H
"Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"Then Pierce came in, you see, and cut him down."
M*A*S*H
"Poor, sick Hawkeye?"
M*A*S*H
"You know I was only putting you on about Frank Burns."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll be sure to send home for that book by Sergeant Freud."
M*A*S*H
"Carry on, hell! I did yell for help!"
M*A*S*H
"Is that what you call it? Lying in the dark,"
M*A*S*H
"— Right. — I‘m late now, guys. Okay, Radar."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, well, whateveryou say."
M*A*S*H
"— Pierce—— — Arrow."
M*A*S*H
"Maybe I shouldjust hire a band and have the whole thing catered."
M*A*S*H
"[Clicking]"
M*A*S*H
"Well, maybe it‘s because I‘m in love..."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce tied your big toes to the bed frame and then yelled, “Fire“?"
M*A*S*H
"J; [ Continues Humming]"
M*A*S*H
"Hey, Radar, what does your earte|| you?"
M*A*S*H
"— Picture a basketball as the olive. — Okay."
M*A*S*H
"the point is, Sherman‘s a brilliant psychiatrist,"
M*A*S*H
"|don‘t mind eating ifit‘s possible to make a martini sandwich."
M*A*S*H
"What is this? What‘s happening to us?"
M*A*S*H
"Hawkeye, could I have a word with you?"
M*A*S*H
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