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Clips from 30 Rock - The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell (S06E06)

"Besides the greatest power of all?"
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"The ability to gestate life."
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"Your friendship."
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"No, I like to keep "boss Liz" and "friend Liz" separate,"
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"because "boss Liz" is all "paperwork, paperwork,""
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"Lemon, I've decided to eliminate the NBC page program."
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"I was in Washington yesterday"
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"reviewing satellite images of Avery in North Korea."
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"For what it's worth, CIA analysts have confirmed"
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"that she is, indeed, "keeping it tight.""
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"I learned the house shut down its page program."
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"With texting and email, a multi-million dollar system"
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"of pleasure slaves is no longer needed."
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"Hang on, we need the pages."
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"Especially Kenneth. He, uh... well, he, uh..."
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"He always scratches that weird part of my back"
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"Unless..."
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"Oh!"
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"That's the business!"
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"I'm hoping that a bold, cost-cutting move like this"
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"will impress Hank Hooper."
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"But I've only worked for Hank for a year."
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"He's still difficult to read,"
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"much like that memoir Reagan wrote the week before he died."
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"You tricked me."
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"You know how to read Jenna."
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"Use your power."
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"Oh, damn it."
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"I need some tape!"
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"30 ROCK Ep. 04 - The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell"
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"Hey, Tray."
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"We just picked up your birthday party invitations from the printer."
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"Wait! What is this?"
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"Yeah, that's what you told me to put on the card."
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"I said, "give to charity? Please, no. Presents!""
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"Well, I'm sorry, but you don't really need presents."
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"You already have everything."
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"I mean, you just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's bones,"
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"and he's not even dead."
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"Wow."
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"But what does that say about me?"
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"About mortality."
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"I thought maybe we could have a little talk,"
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"girl to girl."
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"I love light chitchat."
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"Did you hear about how my fecalist murdered my kabbalist?"
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"Look, we're inside, you can take off the sunglasses."
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"Oh."
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"Leeches. They're good for your skin,"
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"and I've lost tons of blood weight."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"Okay, remember the pact we made back in Chicago?"
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"if I start acting weird?"
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"Definitely. And will you do the same for me?"
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"You? Famous? That's hilarious."
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"Demi Moore does it."
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"Plus, it makes P.E.T.A. furious,"
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"and if P.E.T.A. doesn't love you or hate you,"
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"you're a nobody, like a soldier, or a teacher."
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"Jenna, take off the leeches!"
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"When was the last time we did that?"
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"You know, with my fecalist in jail,"
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"Maybe we could go to outback..."
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"I'm going to call ahead and"
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"Who am I?"
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"What does it all mean?"
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"Will I ever truly be happy?"
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"What is the meaning of ..."
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"You remember Celia's bakery in the Bronx?"
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"It was on the corner of Malcolm X Boulevard"
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"and guy who shot Malcolm X Boulevard."
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"When I was a kid, I wanted one of those pies so bad."
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"So I swore to myself that one day I would become so rich"
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"I would buy every single pie in Celia's."
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"but that brings its own challenges."
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"Shut up, Dotcom."
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"he turned into an incredibly fit genius"
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"who has everything he ever wanted."
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"So if there's no more to want,"
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"what's the point in living?"
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"Whoa, hang on, Tray."
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"You've got a family."
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"Great, another thing that I've already got."
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"Thanks for making this situation worse."
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"So one more, and that's two T-shirts."
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"Oh, no, they're here."
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"And you don't want the paparazzi"
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"with my best friend like a normal person."
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"And not the fun kind where you dance"
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"while U.S.C. football recruits throw hot coins at you."
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"Would you like a chance to be famous, Liz?"
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"I'm from Tampa, Florida."
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"Leech abuser!"
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"Nice try, P.E.T.A. bitches."
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"You just threw paint on a nobody,"
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"The good news is for a different group of people."
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"Uh, as the most popular page,"
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"Kenneth, please."
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"Dalton! Dalton! Dalton!"
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"Fine, but, you can't cancel the page program."
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"Who will take messages or seat audiences or order lunch?"
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"You're just going to automate us?"
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"Excuse me, sir, but"
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"this reminds me of the tale of John Henry."
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"Now, gather 'round friends and..."
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"We all know about John Henry, Kenneth."
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"had some funny ideas."
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"Security will escort you out."
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"And these uniforms are still the property of NBC,"
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"and we'll need them back."
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"You are insane!"
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"You knew that P.E.T.A. guy was there."
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"Look, I'm sorry, I couldn't be photographed with paint on me."
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"I'd look like you do right now."
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"That is psychopath behavior."
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"If I remember correctly, Elizabeth,"
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"we became friends because I felt bad for you,"
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"who was wrestling in a kiddie pool full of lube."
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"Well, what were you even doing at that bachelor party?"
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"and I didn't want to ruin what was happening between us."
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