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Clips from South Park - The Hobbit (S17E17)

"- Am I just an asshole? - Yeah!"
South Park
"Well, no, I've got arms and legs, I have everything."
South Park
"Lisa Berger asks you out, and you call her fat?"
South Park
"Do you have any idea how you made her feel?"
South Park
"She's a really nice girl."
South Park
"I think she's a nice girl too. She's just too big for me."
South Park
"She's a little overweight, but that's pretty normal"
South Park
"for a girl in the fourth grade."
South Park
"Well, Kim Kardashian is skinny,"
South Park
"and she just had a baby!"
South Park
"- What? - I'm sorry, Wendy,"
South Park
"but I have a different standard when it comes to my women."
South Park
"I want a woman who takes care of herself"
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"and knows how to look good."
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"Who's got perfect skin,"
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"This is a fantasy, you moron."
South Park
"You ever heard of Photoshop?"
South Park
"Kim Kardashian is a short, overweight woman"
South Park
"who manipulates her image"
South Park
"and makes average girls feel horrible about themselves."
South Park
"- You're a liar! - Look it up, stupid."
South Park
"In real life, Kim Kardashian has the body of a hobbit."
South Park
"You're gonna be in real trouble"
South Park
"when the teachers find out what you said"
South Park
"to that poor girl."
South Park
"[crying]"
South Park
"Uh, take a seat, Wendy."
South Park
"I guess some mean things were said,"
South Park
"and I need to get to the bottom of it."
South Park
"Oh, good. Lisa Berger told on you?"
South Park
"Good. Uh, no, Wendy,"
South Park
"apparently, you called Butters' girlfriend a hobbit."
South Park
"[crying]"
South Park
"- Are you serious? - You did!"
South Park
"You said Kim is short, fat, and hairy, with big feet,"
South Park
"It's Kim Kardashian."
South Park
"But-but, Wendy, Kim Kardashian"
South Park
"is considered to be extremely beautiful, mkay?"
South Park
"Right, but she's not in real life."
South Park
"She's a hobbit. Oh, she said it again!"
South Park
"Now, Wendy, Kim might be full figured,"
South Park
"but a woman's outward appearance isn't all that matters, mkay?"
South Park
"Have you stopped to consider that maybe,"
South Park
"just maybe you're jel?"
South Park
"I am not "jel," and I happen to be"
South Park
"the biggest feminist at this school."
South Park
"between being a feminist and being a hater, mkay?"
South Park
"And you're gonna have to find that line,"
South Park
"being said around this school,"
South Park
"and so we are gonna hear from a guest speaker."
South Park
"Here to explain why Kim Kardashian is not a hobbit,"
South Park
"please welcome Aquaman."
South Park
"[scattered applause]"
South Park
"Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that's right."
South Park
"Uh-oh."
South Park
"Okay, first of all, I am not Aquaman."
South Park
"I am a recovering gay fish."
South Park
"Yes, I have met Aquaman, I have hung out with Aquaman,"
South Park
"but the only thing I have in common with Aquaman anymore"
South Park
"is my love for the sea."
South Park
"Now... [clears throat]"
South Park
"started at this elementary school"
South Park
"that my beautiful fiancee is a hobbit."
South Park
"That is not funny, and it is not true."
South Park
"All right?"
South Park
"Yes, Kim is heavier than most of her pictures show her to be."
South Park
"Yes, she gets her hair Iasered off her body."
South Park
"Yes, she has a friend named Gandalf"
South Park
"who happens to be a wizard."
South Park
"I'm sorry. Excuse me a minute."
South Park
"[phone dialing]"
South Park
"Bitch, how you not the hobbit again?"
South Park
"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right."
South Park
"Right, right, right, right, right, yeah."
South Park
"Okay, yep. Yep, let me-okay."
South Park
"[smooches] [phone beeps]"
South Park
"Okay, if my fiancee Kim is a hobbit,"
South Park
"then how come it- uh, how-then-"
South Park
"Okay, if she is a hobbit, then how come"
South Park
"she don't live in a hole in the ground?"
South Park
"Boom! Aw, y'all just got lit up, cup!"
South Park
"She don't live in no hole in the ground."
South Park
"She lives in a big-ass mansion with me,"
South Park
"in her room that is slightly below ground."
South Park
"So you can-"
South Park
"She-she is sexy and womanly,"
South Park
"and she smokes a pipe. She can blow them rings"
South Park
"that go up over her head, and-"
South Park
"Hold up. [phone dialing]"
South Park
"Bitch, you not a hobbit, right?"
South Park
"No, I know, you just-"
South Park
"you smoke that long pipe sometimes"
South Park
"when you sit by the fire."
South Park
"Oh, it's a- oh, okay, got it."
South Park
"Okay, yep, love you too."
South Park
"[smooches] [phone beeps]"
South Park
"That is not a hobbit pipe, for your information."
South Park
"It is a personal oral humidifier"
South Park
"to keep all the wrinkles around her mouth from showing."
South Park
"So ha, ha, all you haters, ha!"
South Park
"Butters, Butters, come here for a sec."
South Park
"Oh, no, you don't, Wendy."
South Park
"You're not trapping me inside the computer lab to beat me up."
South Park
"so we can put this behind us?"
South Park
"All right, but if you try to punch me,"
South Park
"so we can better understand each other."
South Park
"This is Lisa Berger's class photo, right?"
South Park
"- Okay. - Now, first thing we do"
South Park
"is just photoshop the bulges on her sides."
South Park
"We select the eyes, make them a nicer shape."
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"Take off any blemishes on the skin."
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"Lengthen the neck. Add more to the hair."
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"Select the lips. Make them fuller."
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"Take out any puffiness on the skin here."
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"Add fullness to the breasts, lengthen the torso."
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"Take away that fold of skin."
South Park
"Streamline the shoulders. Put highlights in the eyes."
South Park
"And there."
South Park
"That's Lisa Berger?"
South Park
"Do you see what I'm talking about?"
South Park
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