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Clips from The Simpsons - Homie the Clown (S06E06)

"There's nothing better than a cigarette..."
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"...unless it's a cigarette lit with a $ 100 bill."
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"Krusty, in regards to the large wager you made on yesterday's horse race..."
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"...to open a clown college and train some regional Krustys."
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"A couple of those would be tasty right now."
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"It must be the first of the month. New Billboard Day!"
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"Clown college. You can't eat that."
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"I'm going to clown college."
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"Dad, you can't go around pretending to be Krusty."
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"Those are supposed to be baggy pants. Baggy!"
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"Seattle."
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"And now, everybody's favorite, the Spin-Cycle Fantastic trick."
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"Get a cheap one, and what happens? Goes off!"
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"Hey, Bill. What did that cost us?"
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"Welcome to the noble family of skilled Krustaceans."
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"Homer. Homer, it's all just an act."
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"My dad got Krusty the Clown to personally appear at my party."
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"I don't know, Bart. My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory."
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"Oh, by the way, here is your new issue of Gigantic Asses."
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"- Look at it. - I'm not saying it won't work."
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"I am afraid the time has come for you to pay us."
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"So after you finish your performance, you might consider robbing them."
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"- Plus, I did your breasts. - Hear me complaining about the breasts?"
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"- Hey. - Not bad."
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"When Krusty wants to, he can still blow them away."
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"Yes. He can take a simple, everyday thing like eating a bicycle..."
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"See you tomorrow, kids."
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"But before I go, I'd just like to say..."
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"Put 5000 bucks on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator."
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"My house is dirty. Buy me a clean one."
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"Krusty, as your accountant, I must warn you..."
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"Did you send 1000 roses..."
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"...to Bea Arthur's grave? - Yes. But she's..."
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"I don't wanna hear the end of sentences."
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"George Carlin on three."
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"Yeah. Lawsuit? Oh, come on."
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"My "Seven Words You Can't Say on TV" bit..."
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"...was entirely different from your bit."
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"So I'm a thief, am I? Well, excuse me!"
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"- Give him 10 grand. - Steve Martin on four."
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"Ten grand."
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"Come on. How about letting me go double or nothing on the opera tonight."
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"- Who do you like? - The tenor."
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"Okay. But we're only letting the bet ride..."
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"...because you crack us so consistently up."
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"And those ridiculous bets you make."
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"Gambling is the finest thing a person can do if he's good at it."
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"- You haven't won anything in months. - So I'll just make more money."
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"- Crank out some merchandise. - You already merchandised everything."
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"Krusty's Monopoly game, the Krusty Crowd-Control Barrier."
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"Nothing is selling anymore. Not even your new Lady Krusty line."
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"But our infomercials are running 24 hours a day."
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"So, what do you think of the Lady Krusty Mustache-Removal System, Angelique?"
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"It's Krusterrific, Johnny Unitas."
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"But is my upper lip supposed to bleed like this?"
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"Probably."
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"At this rate, you'll be broke in a month. Only thing left to do is..."
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"You mean like that bozo, Bonko the Clown?"
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"- Exactly. - Forget it."
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"I'll just cut back on the condor-egg omelets."
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"I'll found the college tomorrow."
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"Finders, keepers."
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""This year, give her English muffins.""
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"Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard."
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""Best in the West.""
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"That rhymes."
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"I got everything I was supposed to get."
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"I'm not going to enroll in that clown college, though."
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"That advertisement had no effect on me whatsoever."
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"Hey, Homer. The section you're supposed to be monitoring is on fire."
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"Clowns are funny."
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"- Mom? - I think I'll have some wine."
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"- Marge? - Yes, Homie."
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"That's it. You people have stood in my way long enough."
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"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."
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"Hurry up. It's my first day of clown college."
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"- Hold still, Homer. Don't squirm. - I am holding still. I am squirming."
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"It's sacrilege. He's a one and only. I mean, he invented the pie fight..."
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"...the pratfall and the seltzer bottle, as far as I know."
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"Yeah, Dad. It was bad enough when you tried to pass yourself off as Tom Bosley."
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"- But Krusty... - You didn't complain when I got you..."
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"...this close to Chachi."
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"What's a chachi?"
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"All right. Now, there can only be one Krusty in each territory."
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"So I hope this works out. Tell me where you're from."
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"- Georgia. - Texas."
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"- Brooklyn. - Russia."
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"Okay, we'll start off with the baggy p... Wha...?"
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"I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life."
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"Okay. Memorize these funny place names:"
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"Walla Walla, Keokuk, Cucamonga..."
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"...Seattle."
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"Stop it. You're killing me."
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"It's a great piece of buffoonery if you pull it off."
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"But if you blow it, you'll look like a fool."
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"Steady. Steady."
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"Now, when the wealthy dowager comes in, the party's over, right?"
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"Wrong."
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""Kill wealthy dowager.""
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"Burn that seat."
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"These Krusty-brand balloons are 3 bucks each."
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"Takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room. What's that gonna cost you?"
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"I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad."
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"If there has to be a bastardized version of Krusty, I'm glad it's you."
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"Thanks, honey. Bank shot!"
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"- That's good aim, Dad. - Well, it was my major."
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"You'll now go back to your hometowns and do kids' parties, swap meets..."
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"...and the other piddling crap I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot clown pole."
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"Now come and get your catskins..."
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"This is the happiest day of my life..."
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"Got it. No shock for me."
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"Oh, yeah?"
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"And now, to help introduce our fantastic new burger, the one with ketchup..."
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"...here he is, coming in by parachute, Krusty the Clown."
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""To audience. I now proclaim this new burger for sale.""
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"It's the Krusty Burglar."
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"Oh, my God. He's stealing all the burgers."
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"Why, you little..."
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"Stop. Stop."
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"He's already dead."
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