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Clips from Joe Dirt

"I mean, never putting the moves on Brandy..."
Joe Dirt
"Brandy, man. Well, she's too beautiful."
Joe Dirt
"He has no idea that Brandy even likes him."
Joe Dirt
"- His voice is so sexy. - I wonder what he looks like."
Joe Dirt
"You're standing there with an atom bomb."
Joe Dirt
"Could be Fat Man, could be Little Boy. We'll nail that down later."
Joe Dirt
"But anyway, did you get the names you wanted?"
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, I did, but by the way, it wasn't no atom bomb."
Joe Dirt
"It's just an old crapper tank, people."
Joe Dirt
"- Stop it! - Get it out of here!"
Joe Dirt
"Somebody help me!"
Joe Dirt
"Is it done? How much is in there?"
Joe Dirt
"I got the poo on me."
Joe Dirt
"You are so pathetic."
Joe Dirt
"They decided not even to arrest me."
Joe Dirt
"They said being covered in that stinky stuff was punishment enough."
Joe Dirt
"You are an underachievement nexus in the universe,"
Joe Dirt
"Life's a garden, dig it? You make it work for you."
Joe Dirt
"You never give up, man. That's my philosophy."
Joe Dirt
"And, you know, the thing that drives me crazy"
Joe Dirt
"and fascinates me at the same time"
Joe Dirt
"is that you are so unrelentingly upbeat about your plight."
Joe Dirt
"I want to hear more of the saga of Joe Dirt."
Joe Dirt
"All right. Thanks, you guys."
Joe Dirt
"This is Zander Kelly, and you, of course,"
Joe Dirt
"in the tiny existence you laughingly refer to as your life."
Joe Dirt
"Joey, the tale could not be told in one day, and we've asked you back today."
Joe Dirt
"I might say the joint looks great. The toilets are freshly scrubbed."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, Joe, did you use the stuff with the tiny scrubbing bubbles?"
Joe Dirt
"They clean the bowl so you don't have to."
Joe Dirt
"you were telling us that you were covered in crap,"
Joe Dirt
"and you are a complete loser."
Joe Dirt
"Sorry, Billy Jack."
Joe Dirt
"So, now you have a bunch of names"
Joe Dirt
"of people who might actually have a photograph of you and your parents, right?"
Joe Dirt
"So, now I got to span the country to find all these people,"
Joe Dirt
"I mean, all these people were on them tour buses that day?"
Joe Dirt
"It's gonna take forever, man. But I gotta do it."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, Silvertown, man."
Joe Dirt
"Yes. Silvertown. You make it sound like the most wonderful place."
Joe Dirt
"And you remember to keep on keepin' on, man, and you'll be a veterinarian,"
Joe Dirt
"especially a cool guy like you, Kicking Wing."
Joe Dirt
"Okay."
Joe Dirt
"That's good. That's good."
Joe Dirt
"That hug was completely asexual. You know, he kind of snuck it up on me."
Joe Dirt
"I love you, Joe Dirt."
Joe Dirt
"Dang."
Joe Dirt
"Can I go again? Please?"
Joe Dirt
"No, you've been on the ride long enough. It's time to go home."
Joe Dirt
"You should see my girlfriend. You'd shit yourself."
Joe Dirt
"Really?"
Joe Dirt
"I tell you what, buddy. I'm gonna give you a free spin."
Joe Dirt
"I'm gonna talk to your lady friend over there. How 'bout that?"
Joe Dirt
"Good job, sir. Yeah, keep 'em straight like that. Good strategy."
Joe Dirt
"You know, the life of a carnival worker keeps me free and untethered."
Joe Dirt
"I know."
Joe Dirt
"That's why I was immediately attracted to you."
Joe Dirt
"I could tell you were an outlaw."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, I am kind of an outlaw through and through, baby."
Joe Dirt
"- Damn. - Good toss there, sir. Good one."
Joe Dirt
"You know, society's got no hold on this outlaw."
Joe Dirt
"- Damn it! - All right, all right. Real close."
Joe Dirt
"You know, I'm like a bird. Actually, more like a hard-ass pterodactyl."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, God forbid you don't win after throwing only two quarters, man."
Joe Dirt
"It's a business. It ain't UNICEF, okay?"
Joe Dirt
"I got a good mind to take my outlaw ass and... Yeah, you better walk away, hard-ass."
Joe Dirt
"Well, actually it got towed two years ago."
Joe Dirt
"What do you say?"
Joe Dirt
"That's a big 10-4."
Joe Dirt
"Total impound fees come to $3,496."
Joe Dirt
"I think that all I got's, like, 450 bucks."
Joe Dirt
"Okay, this is a business. This is not a charity."
Joe Dirt
"I mean, maybe one day UNICEF will get into the impound business."
Joe Dirt
"But, you know, until then, we're the people to see."
Joe Dirt
"Now, I'll tell you what I could do."
Joe Dirt
"I could sell you a car for 450 bucks,"
Joe Dirt
"but it ain't gonna be no Hemi."
Joe Dirt
"That's right. Let's go."
Joe Dirt
"So, I had fun tonight."
Joe Dirt
"Even though you took me to the carnival that I was already at."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, I had fun, too. Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question?"
Joe Dirt
"If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
Joe Dirt
"Sure would."
Joe Dirt
"All right. So, finish your story. Now, why do you live with foster parents?"
Joe Dirt
"Well, because when I was, like, nine or 10 years old"
Joe Dirt
"and the next thing I knew, they were gone."
Joe Dirt
"Wait a minute. Did you have a brother?"
Joe Dirt
"So, you wanna go back in the house?"
Joe Dirt
"She's your sister, dude. She's gotta be! And you made out with her, man!"
Joe Dirt
"What's wrong with you, you pervert!"
Joe Dirt
"Well, I didn't know she was my sister when I kissed her."
Joe Dirt
"So, it's not my fault."
Joe Dirt
"What a freak! You're goin' to hell, man!"
Joe Dirt
"I got to tell her what happened, why I got weird."
Joe Dirt
"And for God's sakes, I got to treat her like a sister."
Joe Dirt
"Joe..."
Joe Dirt
"Joe, no!"
Joe Dirt
"We've got questions comin' in from..."
Joe Dirt
"Boss, the phones are goin' nuts. That was a bombshell."
Joe Dirt
"Wait, wait, man. I found out later that she wasn't my sister."
Joe Dirt
"Thank God!"
Joe Dirt
"Thank God, dude! That was gonna be a little much."
Joe Dirt
"So, I did a real bad thing there,"
Joe Dirt
"Is that all? No!"
Joe Dirt
"My family's last name is Buckwalter. My brother's name is Cletis."
Joe Dirt
"So, you see, we're not related. We can have sex again."
Joe Dirt
"I don't know what the problem is."
Joe Dirt
"Well, would it help if you went back to thinkin' I'm your sister?"
Joe Dirt
"I'm your sister! I'm your sister!"
Joe Dirt
"You're my sister!"
Joe Dirt
"- No! - I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'."
Joe Dirt
"I just made that last part up for laughs, you guys, I'm tellin' you."
Joe Dirt
"Let's break it off for today."
Joe Dirt
"You haul your mangy ass in here tomorrow morning,"
Joe Dirt
"that I'm now referring to as"
Joe Dirt
"Hi, this is Brandy. I'm not here right now."
Joe Dirt
"I'm guessin' you had reasons for doin' what you did."
Joe Dirt
"Okay."
Joe Dirt
"We're sittin' with the king of all dirt-balls, Mr. Joe Dirt."
Joe Dirt
"you call your day-to-day life."
Joe Dirt
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