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Clips from Joe Dirt

"Testing. Testing, testing."
Joe Dirt
"Hey!"
Joe Dirt
"Dang!"
Joe Dirt
"That's what I'm talkin' about. LA!"
Joe Dirt
"Hold up. Ho!"
Joe Dirt
"Naming you that, your daddy must've really hated you."
Joe Dirt
"- You're wrong, brother. - I got a good name for this car,"
Joe Dirt
"Rusty."
Joe Dirt
"- Shit'll buff out. - Don't bother."
Joe Dirt
"This look like a piece of crap to you?"
Joe Dirt
"- You suck! - You do!"
Joe Dirt
"Did he hurt you, baby?"
Joe Dirt
"they don't really mean what they say."
Joe Dirt
"They just got their own issues and whatnot."
Joe Dirt
"All's I got to do is keep being a good person."
Joe Dirt
"No matter what, good things'll come my way."
Joe Dirt
"just as long as I never have "no" in my heart."
Joe Dirt
"Can't a guy even take a dump in peace?"
Joe Dirt
"Things are gonna happen for me."
Joe Dirt
"I'm Joe Dirt!"
Joe Dirt
"I think I'm gonna go to the restroom and take a big Joe."
Joe Dirt
"Don't forget to wipe your dirt."
Joe Dirt
"I got a backup mic right here."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, they're both working, and guess what?"
Joe Dirt
"What's going on out here? You got to keep it down."
Joe Dirt
"Zander Kelly's on the air."
Joe Dirt
"What's the deal with your haircut?"
Joe Dirt
"This ain't no haircut. This is a wig."
Joe Dirt
"A wig?"
Joe Dirt
"Look at you. Jesus."
Joe Dirt
"You know what? I got somebody I want you to meet."
Joe Dirt
"All aberration radio, all the time."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, Zander, Zander, You got to see this guy."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, freak boy."
Joe Dirt
"- Zander, get this. This is a wig. - It's a wig?"
Joe Dirt
"What are you wearing a wig for?"
Joe Dirt
"What are you doing, stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?"
Joe Dirt
"Freddy, go get Free Bird boy here an all-access laminate"
Joe Dirt
"for the show in perpetuity."
Joe Dirt
"You are exquisitely pathetic."
Joe Dirt
"What's your name, pal?"
Joe Dirt
"It's Joe Dirt. But if you're just gonna make fun of me, man,"
Joe Dirt
"I'll just go back to mopping."
Joe Dirt
"Sit down, let me take another tact here."
Joe Dirt
"Well, I was born without the top of my skull,"
Joe Dirt
"Why didn't your mom change the wig later?"
Joe Dirt
"Actually, we got separated when I was eight."
Joe Dirt
"You trying to tell me you've been on your own since eight years old?"
Joe Dirt
"Listen to you. What's the story here?"
Joe Dirt
""I'm a white-trash idiot." The end."
Joe Dirt
"Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh would be chiming in, too."
Joe Dirt
"That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me"
Joe Dirt
"Can I say that?"
Joe Dirt
"And she goes, "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?""
Joe Dirt
"Hey, you guys, you gotta come hear this guy on the Zander show."
Joe Dirt
"Listen. You're on your own."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, I got four hours a day to fill, man."
Joe Dirt
"Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, Dad, look. It's the good stuff."
Joe Dirt
"None of that pussy Skoal, right, Dad?"
Joe Dirt
"Mom!"
Joe Dirt
"Mom!"
Joe Dirt
"Where are you?"
Joe Dirt
"A lot of kids would have been scared, but I was all tough about it."
Joe Dirt
"I thought hunting would be, you know, more fun than it was."
Joe Dirt
"Now, see, boy? He goes off and fetches the duck."
Joe Dirt
"You see how that works?"
Joe Dirt
"After that I spent some time with these people who worked on a farm."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah."
Joe Dirt
"Then there was this one old lady, she had me for a couple of weeks."
Joe Dirt
"I don't wanna be unkind, but this woman was a little off-balance."
Joe Dirt
"You're to be scrubbed clean before supper,"
Joe Dirt
"and that means washed under your fingernails and back of your ears"
Joe Dirt
"and dressed in your Sunday best."
Joe Dirt
"- Is that clear? - Yes, ma'am."
Joe Dirt
"Can I push him off my leg?"
Joe Dirt
"He'll stop humping as soon as he's done."
Joe Dirt
"Well, the year was 1982."
Joe Dirt
"so I was living in a juvie home for boys,"
Joe Dirt
"and I was getting ready to split that scene, and pronto."
Joe Dirt
"Bob Seger? Be honest. Back then you were listening to Leif Garrett."
Joe Dirt
"It's probably more like this."
Joe Dirt
"Here's my favorite bands. AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lepp..."
Joe Dirt
"All right. I want you to settle down. Don't make me call your probie officer here."
Joe Dirt
"And riddle me this."
Joe Dirt
"why don't you cut the wig now?"
Joe Dirt
"Zander just asked this Joe Dirt guy why he doesn't cut his wig right now,"
Joe Dirt
"and you can tell he's never even thought of that."
Joe Dirt
"Now, you know, except for the ratty 'stache and the pork chops,"
Joe Dirt
"Now, you're telling me that you're so ingrained with white-trash DNA"
Joe Dirt
"that your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white-trashy like that?"
Joe Dirt
"I don't know what you're saying, but that's what's going on, yeah."
Joe Dirt
"So, back to the story here. You're on your own..."
Joe Dirt
"Man, a shooting star."
Joe Dirt
"I gotta make a wish."
Joe Dirt
"It's a meteorite. Check it out! That's cool!"
Joe Dirt
"Man, look at you."
Joe Dirt
"You're probably made out of some precious metal"
Joe Dirt
"and everyone's gonna want you, but you want to be with me!"
Joe Dirt
"Right on! You're Joe Meteorite, and I'm Joe Dirt!"
Joe Dirt
"A town is a place where everyone hates you. Kids all try to beat you up."
Joe Dirt
"Hey, Junior Dirt Bag. You talkin' to your rock?"
Joe Dirt
"It ain't no rock, it's a meteor, dum-dum."
Joe Dirt
"What did it do, land on your barber's head while he was cuttin' your hair?"
Joe Dirt
"Why don't you go practice falling down. I'll be there in a minute."
Joe Dirt
"Hey. You wanna fight, you little queer?"
Joe Dirt
"Are these queer? What's up? What's up?"
Joe Dirt
"- Come on. Let's go. - Yeah? You are."
Joe Dirt
"- What a wuss. - I mean, you aren't... Worth it."
Joe Dirt
"I told them, Meteor. You had my back."
Joe Dirt
"What's that?"
Joe Dirt
"$5. That's mine now."
Joe Dirt
"I'll hold your half for ya."
Joe Dirt
"Meteor, we call this here "Bein' in burger heaven.""
Joe Dirt
"We need some stability in our lives, man."
Joe Dirt
"Life gets hard, you know?"
Joe Dirt
"It's a little bumpy."
Joe Dirt
"Let's go down there."
Joe Dirt
"Come on."
Joe Dirt
"No way I'd ever sell you, Meteor. Not in a million years."
Joe Dirt
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