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Clips from Joe Dirt

"Like age progression and..."
Joe Dirt
"Then that's what I need to make. Thank you."
Joe Dirt
"And I'm sorry I can't buy your beautiful Hemi."
Joe Dirt
"For real?"
Joe Dirt
"- That lady gave me a great idea. - Hey, Dirt! Dirt!"
Joe Dirt
"Storm's coming in!"
Joe Dirt
"Get up on the roof and put some bricks in the tooth!"
Joe Dirt
"My tooth! My tooth!"
Joe Dirt
"Hey, boss, I'm goin' on a break."
Joe Dirt
"Hey! Airplane! Help me!"
Joe Dirt
"That's not professional."
Joe Dirt
"I'd floated all the way to North Dakota."
Joe Dirt
"And there I was, scared to death, as I dropped like a stone from the sky."
Joe Dirt
"that I was meant to find my parents."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, baby. Come on, now. Get loose."
Joe Dirt
"I'll pay for this. I'm new!"
Joe Dirt
"Hey, man, you done with that apple core?"
Joe Dirt
"I'm done with that fart. You want that?"
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, you probably like J.R., you queer."
Joe Dirt
"I saw your bumper sticker, "Cowboys' butts drive me nuts.""
Joe Dirt
"Is that right? You think that's queer?"
Joe Dirt
"Is this queer? They're large and in charge and lookin' for chickies."
Joe Dirt
"You wanna back that up?"
Joe Dirt
"You wanna fight?"
Joe Dirt
"That's it. You and me. Let's go."
Joe Dirt
"Yo, Dirt. You're fired."
Joe Dirt
"What's up here? Look down there."
Joe Dirt
"What's going on? Here I come."
Joe Dirt
"Luckily, my neck broke my fall."
Joe Dirt
"I guess you won the battle."
Joe Dirt
"- Yeah! - But I won the war."
Joe Dirt
"If you're covered in oil, don't stand next to a fire."
Joe Dirt
"Now that's day-one stuff."
Joe Dirt
"Keep that Skoal, baby. That's what I'm talking about."
Joe Dirt
"So, needless to say, I was in no shape"
Joe Dirt
"to do anybody any good with my recollections."
Joe Dirt
"'cause my dad came out looking like Father Time."
Joe Dirt
"And my mom came out too butch,"
Joe Dirt
"You know, the Night Stalker? Remember that guy?"
Joe Dirt
"I realized I needed a different approach."
Joe Dirt
"Then I got a brainstorm. Hire an Indian tracker to help me."
Joe Dirt
"Man, that's a great idea. They could find anything."
Joe Dirt
"check for footprints?"
Joe Dirt
"Look for broken twigs?"
Joe Dirt
"But this is the modern age."
Joe Dirt
"Come on. You're supposed to be good at tracking stuff, man."
Joe Dirt
"And I've got to figure out a way to sell more fireworks."
Joe Dirt
"I'm going broke with this venture also."
Joe Dirt
"Good stuff?"
Joe Dirt
"Are you nuts, dude? You need stuff that explodes, go boom!"
Joe Dirt
"You might as well ask, "Why is a tree good?"
Joe Dirt
"Man, firecrackers."
Joe Dirt
"You shove 'em up bullfrogs' asses."
Joe Dirt
"Well, there you go."
Joe Dirt
"he comes back to you to fix it."
Joe Dirt
"You win twice, brother. It's good biz."
Joe Dirt
"So, you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats,"
Joe Dirt
"Buzz Bottles, Snicker Bombs, Church Burners, Finger Blasters,"
Joe Dirt
"Gut Busters, Zip-a-Dee-do-dahs or Crap Flappers?"
Joe Dirt
"You're gonna stand there owning a fireworks stand"
Joe Dirt
"and tell me you don't have no Whistling Bungholes,"
Joe Dirt
"no Spleen Splitters, Whisker Biscuits,"
Joe Dirt
"Cherry Bombs, Nipsy Dazers, with or without the scooter stick,"
Joe Dirt
"or one single Whistling Kitty Chaser?"
Joe Dirt
"'Cause snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like."
Joe Dirt
"Well, that might be your problem."
Joe Dirt
"Lookie there."
Joe Dirt
"That's happening, man. We should get bleachers over here."
Joe Dirt
"People'll come from miles around to see this thing."
Joe Dirt
"Feast your eyes on a feast of smoke."
Joe Dirt
"Dang. It's out."
Joe Dirt
"CNN's gonna turn around and go home now."
Joe Dirt
"What's going on, man? I saw a snail over there and he said,"
Joe Dirt
""That thing's slow. It ain't movin' fast. It's boring and dull. I'm yawning.""
Joe Dirt
"- That's a snail watching that. - There's a snail in the desert?"
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, a spaceship dropped him off."
Joe Dirt
"Dude, I'm just sayin' it's dull, all right?"
Joe Dirt
"You need explosions. You need stuff going on, man."
Joe Dirt
"I got these two sticks."
Joe Dirt
"Dang. These are yours?"
Joe Dirt
"These are Roman candles, brother. That's good stuff."
Joe Dirt
"Get this thing full of lighter fluid."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah."
Joe Dirt
"The Roman candle. Step back a little bit."
Joe Dirt
"That's beautiful."
Joe Dirt
"Beautiful? I'm looking for "righteously kick-ass.""
Joe Dirt
"Gasoline. Yeah."
Joe Dirt
"All right, you might want to take a few extra steps back on this one."
Joe Dirt
"Man. What did I trip over?"
Joe Dirt
"There's something metal sticking out of the ground."
Joe Dirt
"You okay?"
Joe Dirt
"Maybe we should take it over to that place, the laboratory over in the next town,"
Joe Dirt
"Los Alamos."
Joe Dirt
"Yeah, jam that in the gas bucket."
Joe Dirt
"Man, we're gonna get so busted! Let's get out of here!"
Joe Dirt
"What happened, man?"
Joe Dirt
"You tripped over that object in the ground. You were knocked out."
Joe Dirt
"That thing's an atom bomb, man."
Joe Dirt
"I got an idea."
Joe Dirt
""Canyon Rubberneckers tour bus."
Joe Dirt
"I still don't see why we're going to the tour bus company."
Joe Dirt
"And you can't tell me, in all those pictures they took,"
Joe Dirt
"The company'll have records of who used the tour that day."
Joe Dirt
"Besides, they won't just hand the records over to us."
Joe Dirt
"You can't have "no" in your heart. "No" is not an option, brother."
Joe Dirt
"And one day, you're gonna be Kicking Wing, animal doctor."
Joe Dirt
"And then you should change your name to Kicking Ass. I would."
Joe Dirt
"Man. Swerve them potholes."
Joe Dirt
"One swing, and this here ball-peen hammer will trigger this A-bomb,"
Joe Dirt
"I need you to give me the records"
Joe Dirt
"of everybody who toured the Grand Canyon on them buses"
Joe Dirt
"June 13, 1979."
Joe Dirt
"I'm not messin' around. I'll hit it."
Joe Dirt
"And then it goes bang. All right?"
Joe Dirt
"Now, while I'm up here waiting..."
Joe Dirt
"- You. - Me?"
Joe Dirt
"Dang."
Joe Dirt
"Now, even you liked the way that chick looked, didn't you?"
Joe Dirt
"Even me? What's that supposed to mean, man?"
Joe Dirt
"I'm just saying, I'm beginning to doubt your hetero street credentials here."
Joe Dirt
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