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Clips from New Girl - Tomatoes (S01E01)

"that your life sucks and you're so miserable."
New Girl
"You look like one of those guys..."
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"who crawls out of the grave in the "Thriller" video."
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"- I want you to get. - Seriously?"
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"- I want you to get off my farm! - This is a little weird, man."
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"- You used to be my best friend. - Talk to yourself, man."
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"- So get! - I'm getting!"
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"- I don't need you! - Shut up!"
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"- Hey, Russell. Mm-hm"
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"- Do I ever drive you crazy? - Of course not."
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"Come on. There must something that I do that just, like, gets under your skin."
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"- No, I can't think of anything. - Come on, Russell, think."
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"Think, think, think."
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"Think."
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"That's annoying, right? The way I say "think", with a K."
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"Okay, Jess, um..."
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"Your eyes bug out a little when you're trying to make a point."
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"- Yeah? - Yeah. And you do this squatting thing..."
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"when you're thinking sometimes. - Yeah?"
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"Yeah. I don't love that."
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"Like that? Like that?"
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"I've never actually seen those together so it's not a favorite of mine."
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"So is this just driving you crazy?"
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"Um, no, but it's not pleasant."
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"- Hey, you're not pleasant. - Oh, no."
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"You're not pleasant."
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"- That's not nice. It's not nice. - Yeah."
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"- It's passion! - Oh. Uh..."
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"- You hurt my teeth, I think. - What you gonna do about it?"
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"Uh, well, I mean, probably nothing."
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"- You know, I hate this shirt. - Okay."
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"You know, could you please? Thank you."
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"Ahh."
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"There it is. There's the fire."
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"Where have you been hiding it, Rusty? Where?"
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"I'm gonna, um, make some tea. Want some tea with chamomile?"
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"- No! - Okay, I mean, oolong... The oolong..."
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"You know, oolong...?"
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"Ugh, I hate that you have so many coasters."
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"- Why? - It's actually kind of a funny story..."
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"- You just coasting through life? - This isn't great. Not at all."
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"What do...? You know, now I'm pissed."
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"What is this?"
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"Something's missing."
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"I didn't know it until I saw you and Ouli together the other night..."
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"almost strangle each other."
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"But then it clicked."
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"I want that."
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"I want what you and Ouli have."
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"You want me to treat you like my ex-wife?"
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"Who I hate."
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"I don't know, I just..."
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"You guys have the spark. And I want that spark."
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"You have to admit you have this spark, this passion."
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"Passion's overrated, Jess."
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"I knew we shouldn't have gone to that dinner."
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"I wanna go home."
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"Jess."
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"Get in there."
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"Useless. You..."
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"- Get in there! - What is this?"
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"Martin Scorsese's The Wizard of Oz?"
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"- Sorry about what happened on the roof. - Apology accepted."
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"It's just we used to be miserable together, man."
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"- We did have some pretty bad times. - Heh. Yeah. We had the worst."
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"Remember we pooled our money and bought that dating profile?"
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"- Ha, ha. Yeah. - Ha, ha."
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"The ladies did not care for Ninston Biller."
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"- Zero dates. - Zero."
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"I'm sorry that I can't be happy for you."
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"I wanna know what's wrong with me."
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"- Want me to tell you? - Not really."
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"Why are you giving up? Something doesn't work out, what do you do?"
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"Make an adjustment, give it one more shot."
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"That's what I did with..."
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"- Just say it. Shelby. - My beautiful Shelby."
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"Why you did say "my beautiful Shelby"?"
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"Look, I just called her out of the blue, okay?"
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"And then I was a different person and she was a different person."
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"Now look at us, man."
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"We're eating sandwiches and making love to one another."
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"Sandwiches and sex?"
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"I want that!"
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"Hey."
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"How, um? How was your date last night?"
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"Brief. Small man go to hospital."
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"The hospital?"
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"- Is he okay? - I don't know."
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"I leave him there. I go make bowling."
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"Nadia, like, honestly, what did you do to him?"
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"He cry and cry. It was so funny. Heh."
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"Oh, my God."
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"There's me."
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"I really like what we had. I thought you did too."
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"I do, I did. It's just, Russell..."
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"Seems to happen every time you're in this car."
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"But there's so many buttons, it's like..."
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"The Batmobile doesn't have so many buttons."
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"Look, Jess, I've already done the crazy, explosive passion thing."
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"When I was with Ouli, it was like edging closer and closer to a woodchipper."
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"I'm not looking for that anymore."
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"but I am."
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"And I want passion..."
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"even if it's harder and hurts more."
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"Goodbye, Russell."
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"Agh."
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"- Yup. - Yup."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Are you serious?"
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"I am so, so sorry, okay?"
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"This is all my fault. I thought..."
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"What happened?"
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"Yeah. Um, this is embarrassing."
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"I broke my penis."
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"- You what? - I broke my penis."
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"And there was, like, this one moment where it was just blinding pain."
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"Then there was another moment where I was watching myself watch myself."
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"I finally understand what The Tree of Life is about."
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"And I can't be certain of this..."
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"that Nadia's vagina contains a right angle."
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