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Clips from Blackadder (1982) - Witchsmeller Pursuivant (S01E01)

"— Precisely! — It's Easter Monday."
Blackadder (1982)
"Yes... Remind me not to shake your hand"
Blackadder (1982)
"during the religious festival."
Blackadder (1982)
"I don't believe it. Who is this Witchsmeller Pursuivant, anyway?"
Blackadder (1982)
"The old crone with the cat!"
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"The cat! Lovely! But she lives in the village!"
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"— So? — Everyone's dying of the plague!"
Blackadder (1982)
"Any excuse to get off a day's work!"
Blackadder (1982)
"Well, obviously there are some genuine cases."
Blackadder (1982)
"— Good morning, Prince Edmund. — Morning, peasant."
Blackadder (1982)
"— Morning, Prince Edmund. — Morning, peasant."
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"We don't want someone with a grudge infecting you."
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"Ah, yes, you're right."
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"— Morning, stranger. — Morning, friend."
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"— Morning, stranger. — Morning, friends!"
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"Oh, that'll be Prince Edmund."
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"This way, My Lord."
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"Yes."
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"Bring out your deeeeaaad!"
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"(Coughing and spluttering)"
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"— You! Where's Mistress Scott? — You've just passed her."
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"What?"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"And what's that?"
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"The, er, cat, My Lord."
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"Me neither. I was on the other side of town when we burned her."
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"Ssh!"
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"You burned her? Why?"
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"You burned Mistress Scott for being a witch? Why?"
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"— A secret? Do you know who I am? — A stranger."
Blackadder (1982)
"Oh, yes. That's right."
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"— Well, tell me anyway. — No, no, we can't."
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"Here's why. If you'd been part of a secret committee"
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"to invite the Witchsmeller Pursuivant,"
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"and he'd already burnt four of your friends, would you tell everyone?"
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"No, I suppose I wouldn't."
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"So... So is it the Witchsmeller Pursuivant who burnt her?"
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"They don't call him Clever Jake for nothing, you know."
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"Oh, I see."
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"So, what does this witchsmeller man look like?"
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"No one knows, My Lord. No one."
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"— That's right. Innit? — I believe so."
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"Ah, right."
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"So he won't be around now. Let me tell you something."
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"If this witchsmeller burnt Mistress Scott..."
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"— And her pussy cat. — Be quiet!"
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"..then something's wrong with his nose, and I should know."
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"They don't call me Clever Pete for nothing."
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"— Jake, My Lord. — What about him?"
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"— Clever Jake. — Where?"
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"— You are Clever Jake. — Oh, yes."
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"They don't call me Clever Pete at all."
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"They call me Clever Jake,"
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"I'd kick the big—nosed bully out again!"
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"What do you say?"
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"I think it's worth serious consideration."
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"Exactly."
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"Take Clever Tom's advice"
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"and send him back to the madhouse he came from..."
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"Put those down, Percy."
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"Come. Mistress Scott is obviously in no state to help us today."
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"I have two functions — to protect the good..."
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"and to crush the evil."
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"Watch!"
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"Fascinating!"
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"Absolutely fascinating!"
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"Um...actually you have crushed both eggs, you know?"
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"My Lords, the Duke of Edinburgh."
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"Ah, Edmund! Come in! The witchsmeller's arrived!"
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"Oh! Old Big Nose is back, is he?"
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"Oh...hello."
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"I'm delighted to meet you. I'm one of your greatest admirers."
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""Old Big Nose is back"?"
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"Yes, old Big Nose is back. He's in an terrible state."
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"I was talking to him just now."
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"He's a great admirer of yours as well."
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"— Who's this? — Old Big Nose."
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"Imagine that!"
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"Every person there having an affair with the same duck."
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"I hear you very kindly burnt our Mistress S—Scott for us."
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"Oh, yes...and her pussy cat."
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"Ah, b—but have you found the chief witch yet?"
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"I fear I may be very close."
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"Oh! Get the kindling ready. Make sure that stake is well done!"
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"Witchsmeller,"
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"if you do happen to come across someone who's a bit witchy,"
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"how do you prove him guilty?"
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"— By trial or by ordeal. — Ah, ordeal by water?"
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"— By axe. — Oh?"
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"and an axe aimed at it."
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"If guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck, so we burn him."
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"If not guilty, it'll slice his head off!"
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"What a very fair test that is."
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"Would you like to attempt a less violent test yourself,"
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"by way of demon—stration?"
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"How much less violent?"
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"I place before the suspect a dagger and a crucifix."
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"— Interesting! — The suspect is blindfolded."
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"If he picks up the dagger, he is Satan's bedfellow."
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"Yes! At least take yourself out of the running!"
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"— Choose! — There we are!"
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"This is the source of evil in your kingdom."
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"Hebleebablub! Burn the witch!"
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"I'm not sure I caught the first part."
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"— Try him. — If that's what you recommend."
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"Henry, you can't let him do this."
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"— What did you say? — Quack, quack, quack!"
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"You see, My Lord, how the Duck of Taunton lives within him?"
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"Yes, I'm afraid so! Let him be tried tomorrow."
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"B—But th—this...!"
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"Lords and ladies of England, this court's summoned to adjudge"
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"the most heinous of all crimes — witchcraft!"
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"All the more heinous as the accused is a prince."
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"Step forward, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh."
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"— Look at his hair! — His hair proves it."
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"Who will defend the accused..."
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"Lord Percy will defend His Royal Highness."
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"Oh, yes, me. Yes. Hello!"
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"Witch!"
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"His hair proves it!"
Blackadder (1982)
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