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Clips from The Simpsons - The Secret War of Lisa Simpson (S08E08)

"- Not very. - No! No drugs."
The Simpsons
"Bart just needs a little discipline."
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"Uh, hey, what about military school? It set my brother straight."
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"Now he owns and operates a famous cave."
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"Hmm, you know, maybe Chief Wiggum is right."
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"Military school is a good idea."
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"[Lawn Mower Humming]"
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"[Siren Blares]"
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"Wow! I can't believe we're going to Disneyland."
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"- [Tires Squeal] - [Cheering]"
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"You dream about this day for so long."
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"Then when it comes, you don't know what to say."
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"- Shh. Edna, your tears say more than words ever could. - [Glasses Clink]"
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"[Choking] Military school? You lied to me!"
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"Well, I'm sorry if you heard Disneyland..."
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"but I distinctly said military school."
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"[Tires Squealing]"
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"And that's how we'll mold your boy into a productive member of society..."
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"through an intensive program of push-ups and formation marching."
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"Well, it certainly was nice of you to accept Bart in the middle of a semester."
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"Fortunately, we've had a couple of recent freak-outs..."
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"so that freed up a couple of bunks."
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"- Freak-outs? - lf, uh, that happens..."
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"are we still charged for the entire semester?"
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"Our high standards challenge students to reach their full potential."
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"Look at how disciplined they are."
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"They're just like the terra-cotta warriors of Xi'an."
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"They sure are."
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"[Groaning]"
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"- They're just children, Mr. Simpson. - [Scoffs] I guess."
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""Truth is beauty, beauty, truth," sir."
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"[Gasps] They're discussing poetry."
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"Oh, we never do that at my school."
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"But the truth can be harsh and disturbing."
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"How can that be considered beautiful?"
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"Oh, he sure sucked the fun out of that poem."
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"Please don't make me stay, Dad. I'll do anything you say."
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"- I'll find religion. I'll be good sometimes. - Let go of my leg."
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"- No! - Son, for the last time..."
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"you're staying at military school."
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"- And so am I. - [Homer, Marge Gasp]"
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"This school has everything I ever wanted."
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"Lisa, no! This place is just a jail for children."
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"No jail can hold me."
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"[Siren Blares]"
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"All right. Let's go over this one more time..."
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"just to make sure I understand the situation. [Clears Throat]"
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"- You're a girl. - Yes."
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"Oh, gosh darn it. I just don't understand the situation."
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"[Clears Throat] You're a girl?"
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"All I want is a chance to prove myself."
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"Um, but that seems to be the way the wind is blowing these days."
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"female motorists."
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"[Groans] Welcome aboard."
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"Lisa, if you ever wanna quit and come home..."
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"I'll be here in half a jiff."
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"I wanna quit and come home."
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"I wanna quit and come home."
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"Oh, honey, I heard you the first time."
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"[Kisses]"
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"[Tires Squeal]"
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"Atten-hut!"
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"Gentlemen, we now have a girl cadet among our ranks..."
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"so we're gonna have to make a few changes."
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"[Feminine] Well, we'll see about that."
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"Second, this is now the girls' barracks."
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"So pack your things. You're moving in with Company "L.""
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"Company "L '"? But they smell."
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"Yes, we've all heard the chant. Now fall out!"
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"Sorry. Sorry. I know we'll be friends."
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"[Whimpers] Talk about getting off on the wrong foot."
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"[Chuckles] Ooh."
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"I can't believe they let a girl in."
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"Don't worry. We'll drive her out of the academy."
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"That is why God created hazing."
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"- [Thunder Rumbling] - [Chattering]"
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"- [Grunting] - Get in there."
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"- Harder. Harder. Come on. Wimps. - [Coughing]"
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"What's the matter? Don't girls like doing push-ups in the mud?"
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"Is there any answer I can give that won't result in more push-ups?"
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"[Murmuring]"
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"No."
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"Hey, look. It's the school motto."
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""I'll die before I surrender, Tim." Who's Tim?"
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"Apparently Tim was somebody who was with the general..."
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"moments before he was shot in the head."
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"Cleaning graffiti off a statue makes a mockery of everything I stand for."
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"I don't think I can survive here, Lise."
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"That's how they want you to feel."
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"But if you just hang in there, they'll eventually accept you."
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"Get to work! I wanna see my face in that horse's ass!"
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"Okay, that's long enough. Let's see how they're doing."
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"[Both Screaming]"
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"- Had enough? - [Both Groaning]"
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"What say you, men? Has this lowly maggot passed the test?"
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"- [All Cheering] - Congratulations! You made it!"
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"Hey, what about me? I'm a lowly maggot."
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"[Gunfire]"
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"Well, since you attended public school..."
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"I'm going to assume you're already proficient with small arms..."
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"Four out of five, Simpson. Impressive."
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"- But you missed your last target. - Did I?"
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"Ha-ha!"
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"Too bad it doesn't run in your family."
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"Um, could someone help me? It's stuck on auto fire."
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"Platt, do you hear anything?"
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"- No! - [Gun Clicks]"
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"[Panting]"
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"Maybe you should just learn to use this."
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"If there's a war, just blow on it and I'll come help you."
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"[Groaning]"
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"I am just calling home."
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"I am not asking to come home."
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"[Phone Ringing]"
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"Marge, you got that?"
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"- Marge! - [Whimpers]"
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"Hey, go on, boy. Go get it."
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"Answer the phone. D'oh!"
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"There's gotta be something on this thing for that thing."
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"- [Stops Ringing] - Ahh."
The Simpsons
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