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Clips from Letterkenny - Fartbook (S01E01)

"Except kids falling off bikes maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes"
Letterkenny
"all day. I don't give a shit about your kids."
Letterkenny
"I've got a couple pals who'd appreciates it too."
Letterkenny
"Wouldn't it be kinda neat if you could like, catalog your farts?"
Letterkenny
"Well, I feel like if other people could hear that crack splitter"
Letterkenny
"it could have a positive impact on their lives."
Letterkenny
"You should be able to keep track of and record your farts."
Letterkenny
"Like Facebook?"
Letterkenny
"Just like..."
Letterkenny
"Step one, we got to builds us a website."
Letterkenny
"How are we gonna fuck that pig?"
Letterkenny
"I guess we gots to calls up the internets."
Letterkenny
"Oh, yeah? You got a phone number for the internet, Dan?"
Letterkenny
"Well, I'm pretty sure they added me on Skypes a while back,"
Letterkenny
"I mean, I gots to check my emails."
Letterkenny
"Outstanding. Well, I have an idea,"
Letterkenny
"it's gonna chap a few asses but,"
Letterkenny
"there's a fella we know right here in town who can builds us a websites"
Letterkenny
"so we don't even have to calls up the internets, you know."
Letterkenny
"Who is... The internet."
Letterkenny
"Hard no."
Letterkenny
"Better than going into business with a meth head? One or two."
Letterkenny
"Now hold your good goddamn horses here, let's put it to a vote, those for..."
Letterkenny
"Those against... Get real."
Letterkenny
"Then she's bought and paid for. Two against one."
Letterkenny
"So, driving Pete's family's out of town, he had a bit of a Texas Hold'em Tournament."
Letterkenny
"And I went over there with my second‐cousins."
Letterkenny
"Who, Garrett? And Jarrett."
Letterkenny
"Then he falls down his own piss‐soaked stairs."
Letterkenny
"But also, "Fuck! It's your house.""
Letterkenny
"(STEWART CLEARS THROAT)"
Letterkenny
"So it's Facebook..."
Letterkenny
"But for farts?"
Letterkenny
"That's right."
Letterkenny
"Cartoonish. We're in."
Letterkenny
"There was never a "The.""
Letterkenny
"And we want 30%."
Letterkenny
"Amateurs. Money, generated from the site!"
Letterkenny
"We are not gonna be making any money off the site."
Letterkenny
"Yes, we will."
Letterkenny
"we will sell ad space and make a fortune."
Letterkenny
"Who should we target to buy ad space on Fartbook?"
Letterkenny
"Indian food. Greek food. Asian noodle soups. What about ring tones?"
Letterkenny
"Instead of putting your phone on silent, you put in on silent..."
Letterkenny
"But deadly. You are an idiot."
Letterkenny
"He's a... Wait."
Letterkenny
"You're an idiot."
Letterkenny
"Is geo‐stamping farts a good idea?"
Letterkenny
"Of course it is. Popcorn, fart location, movie theater."
Letterkenny
"That's information I's wants to know!"
Letterkenny
"'Cause it's too complicated. It's like algebra."
Letterkenny
"Why can't you just go fuck yourself?"
Letterkenny
"The kids will fucking love that shit."
Letterkenny
"Yeah, you know what else kids love, keys. (KEYS JINGLING)"
Letterkenny
"No ads then."
Letterkenny
"Shake on 30%."
Letterkenny
"Anything down the road will be negotiated in good faith."
Letterkenny
"Eduardo. We're ranking farts."
Letterkenny
"I need the algorithm. I need the algorithm."
Letterkenny
"How are you now? Hey."
Letterkenny
"Not too bad. Good, and you? Huh?"
Letterkenny
"Oh."
Letterkenny
"Gentlemen."
Letterkenny
"What's wrong with you?"
Letterkenny
"Seeing it all come together... Sort yourself out."
Letterkenny
"Here's what we've done. I am, at this point,"
Letterkenny
"the only member of Fartbook."
Letterkenny
"Each member will be able to upload three farts."
Letterkenny
"Each member will post a picture to their farts."
Letterkenny
"Members will then be allowed to friend request each other and accumulate audiences for"
Letterkenny
"their farts."
Letterkenny
"My profile."
Letterkenny
"WAYNE: Wanna know, that's..."
Letterkenny
"That's mint."
Letterkenny
"Like the... Little bull snort there in the middle there, Stewart."
Letterkenny
"I really like the placement of the fizzler at the end."
Letterkenny
"Now, shall we sign one of you up? Oh!"
Letterkenny
"Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me..."
Letterkenny
"Daryl. Oh, fuck. Shit. Cunt. Fuck..."
Letterkenny
"Wait a sec. Can I go eat a can of Chef Boyardee? Oh! No times."
Letterkenny
"(CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING)"
Letterkenny
"DAN: Ready."
Letterkenny
"Ahem, I recommend recording through a professional studio mic"
Letterkenny
"but the internal computer mic will work for now."
Letterkenny
"Okay, Dan."
Letterkenny
"Go."
Letterkenny
"Boy howdy."
Letterkenny
"(DAN FARTING)"
Letterkenny
"That was a winner. DARYL: Really nice work, Dan."
Letterkenny
"Really nice work, Dan. Fuck, is this awkward."
Letterkenny
"Onto number three."
Letterkenny
"(SHORT FART)"
Letterkenny
"Do you wanna know what? He's right."
Letterkenny
"Like that person who just happens to have burst out laughing in every group photo"
Letterkenny
"they're in?"
Letterkenny
"Like the camera just happened to catch that magic moment"
Letterkenny
"in every single one. That like, "Say cheese.""
Letterkenny
"Nope."
Letterkenny
"If you think, if you think it's a good idea..."
Letterkenny
"It's a good spread there. Like..."
Letterkenny
"It's a good spread."
Letterkenny
"STEWART: I suggest we, um,"
Letterkenny
"send it out to a test audience, before it goes live."
Letterkenny
"Suggestions?"
Letterkenny
"Gail. Duh..."
Letterkenny
"What about the Ginger?"
Letterkenny
"Mmm... What about Boots?"
Letterkenny
"Oh, mmm, the Ginger..."
Letterkenny
"You guys..."
Letterkenny
"Ever heard anything about that guy fucking an ostrich?"
Letterkenny
"I heard it was Boots who fucked the ostrich. No."
Letterkenny
"Allegedly. Let's see..."
Letterkenny
"It'd take more than one guy to fuck an ostrich."
Letterkenny
"You think they were both there?"
Letterkenny
"Like, Boots held down the ostrich? WAYNE: I suppose..."
Letterkenny
"If you really wanted to get to the bottom of it..."
Letterkenny
"someone who farms ostriches."
Letterkenny
"Who might know"
Letterkenny
"how they get fucked."
Letterkenny
"We should get the hockey players in on this."
Letterkenny
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