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Clips from Letterkenny - Fartbook (S01E01)

You never told me that. Did too.

"You never told me that. Did too."

Letterkenny

So, what are you gonna chain it up to?

"So, what are you gonna chain it up to?"

Letterkenny

No you never. Ain't no reason to get excited.

"No you never. Ain't no reason to get excited."

Letterkenny

or I'm gonna come talk to you...

"or I'm gonna come talk to you..."

Letterkenny

You know what, there's two things I don't like about you, and it's your face.

"You know what, there's two things I don't like about you, and it's your face."

Letterkenny

Really scraping the bottom of the yoghurt cup for that nugget of wisdom, aren't you?

"Really scraping the bottom of the yoghurt cup for that nugget of wisdom, aren't you?"

Letterkenny

What for?

"What for?"

Letterkenny

Exactly like a Facebook.

"Exactly like a Facebook."

Letterkenny

Skip that middle man. Right, we'll skip the middle man.

"Skip that middle man. Right, we'll skip the middle man."

Letterkenny

Who is it, Dan? Um, Stewart.

"Who is it, Dan? Um, Stewart."

Letterkenny

Then he turns the cock on himself, pisses all over his goddamn chest.

"Then he turns the cock on himself, pisses all over his goddamn chest."

Letterkenny

What are you gonna do? It's like, "Hey, it's your fucking house!"

"What are you gonna do? It's like, "Hey, it's your fucking house!""

Letterkenny

Of what?

"Of what?"

Letterkenny

Once we get enough members playing the butt trumpet,

"Once we get enough members playing the butt trumpet,"

Letterkenny

Now, let's talk about marketing.

"Now, let's talk about marketing."

Letterkenny

Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?

"Why you gotta put numbers and letters together?"

Letterkenny

Dangling in front of their faces. They fucking love it.

"Dangling in front of their faces. They fucking love it."

Letterkenny

Fine.

"Fine."

Letterkenny

Give us...24 hours.

"Give us...24 hours."

Letterkenny

DARYL: I don't...

"DARYL: I don't..."

Letterkenny

I... I just...

"I... I just..."

Letterkenny

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Letterkenny

I can farts on command.

"I can farts on command."

Letterkenny

Onto the second one.

"Onto the second one."

Letterkenny

STEWART: Go.

"STEWART: Go."

Letterkenny

No, no, no. I can do better. I wants to go again.

"No, no, no. I can do better. I wants to go again."

Letterkenny

No, I think you should keep it.

"No, I think you should keep it."

Letterkenny

DARYL: No one likes a fart that sounds too staged.

"DARYL: No one likes a fart that sounds too staged."

Letterkenny

Um...

"Um..."

Letterkenny

Get some feedback. Iron out the bugs.

"Get some feedback. Iron out the bugs."

Letterkenny

I don't think we need to invite them, though.

"I don't think we need to invite them, though."

Letterkenny

You talk to her, then.

"You talk to her, then."

Letterkenny

(FARTS)

"(FARTS)"

Letterkenny

(FARTING)

"(FARTING)"

Letterkenny

We got a problem.

"We got a problem."

Letterkenny

We need to talk to Gail.

"We need to talk to Gail."

Letterkenny

You've attached messages to each of your farts.

"You've attached messages to each of your farts."

Letterkenny

send this fart to ten people or you will have bad sex for the rest of your life.

"send this fart to ten people or you will have bad sex for the rest of your life."

Letterkenny

I'll fuckin' land shark your shit house so fast

"I'll fuckin' land shark your shit house so fast"

Letterkenny

Super. Let's listen.

"Super. Let's listen."

Letterkenny

In addition, you've been updating new farts from your cat almost hourly.

"In addition, you've been updating new farts from your cat almost hourly."

Letterkenny

(HIP‐HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

"(HIP‐HOP MUSIC PLAYING)"

Letterkenny

We're supposed to be napping right now, boys.

"We're supposed to be napping right now, boys."

Letterkenny

When we see you've been liking all this duster's farts on Fartbook.

"When we see you've been liking all this duster's farts on Fartbook."

Letterkenny

And none of this beauty's farts.

"And none of this beauty's farts."

Letterkenny

Not one. You're welcome. Thanks, buddy.

"Not one. You're welcome. Thanks, buddy."

Letterkenny

(SIGHS)

"(SIGHS)"

Letterkenny

I'm not friends with Wayne yet. But I wanna be.

"I'm not friends with Wayne yet. But I wanna be."

Letterkenny

Not what Fartbook is all about.

"Not what Fartbook is all about."

Letterkenny

I genuinely enjoy farts.

"I genuinely enjoy farts."

Letterkenny

If you continue to misuse Fartbook,

"If you continue to misuse Fartbook,"

Letterkenny

Are we?

"Are we?"

Letterkenny

Not to creepin' farts, or spam farts...

"Not to creepin' farts, or spam farts..."

Letterkenny

Farts should never come between the love of a man and a woman.

"Farts should never come between the love of a man and a woman."

Letterkenny

You invented it? Our idea.

"You invented it? Our idea."

Letterkenny

Those against?

"Those against?"

Letterkenny

This isn't fair! (YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

"This isn't fair! (YELLING INDISTINCTLY)"

Letterkenny

But don't think that we're gonna sit here and enjoy listening to you lie.

"But don't think that we're gonna sit here and enjoy listening to you lie."

Letterkenny

(SCREAMS) Farts!

"(SCREAMS) Farts!"

Letterkenny

I...

"I..."

Letterkenny

I was on there a lot.

"I was on there a lot."

Letterkenny

I was always checking it.

"I was always checking it."

Letterkenny

Hey! Hey!

"Hey! Hey!"

Letterkenny

and you went behind our backs and stole'd it.

"and you went behind our backs and stole'd it."

Letterkenny

All your allegations... All of them, completely fricken' false. Baseless.

"All your allegations... All of them, completely fricken' false. Baseless."

Letterkenny

Stewart, I did not steal anything.

"Stewart, I did not steal anything."

Letterkenny

No. Fine.

"No. Fine."

Letterkenny

But did you actually think you were the only ones in the world to have it?

"But did you actually think you were the only ones in the world to have it?"

Letterkenny

It's everywhere.

"It's everywhere."

Letterkenny

Here. Here's the one I like the best.

"Here. Here's the one I like the best."

Letterkenny

(FART SCALING UPWARD)

"(FART SCALING UPWARD)"

Letterkenny

Now suck on your Sutro filter...

"Now suck on your Sutro filter..."

Letterkenny

(EXCLAIMS)

"(EXCLAIMS)"

Letterkenny

and we're in the Lord's house, I'm gonna play you

"and we're in the Lord's house, I'm gonna play you"

Letterkenny

Valencia.

"Valencia."

Letterkenny

(FART RECORDING PLAYING)

"(FART RECORDING PLAYING)"

Letterkenny

The point is, it's out there, boys.

"The point is, it's out there, boys."

Letterkenny

It's happened. The idea lives in the world.

"It's happened. The idea lives in the world."

Letterkenny

Sad story. Boo‐hoo. Toot‐toot!

"Sad story. Boo‐hoo. Toot‐toot!"

Letterkenny

Go away. (HOARSELY) Let's go.

"Go away. (HOARSELY) Let's go."

Letterkenny

GLEN: Sad face, sad face, angry face.

"GLEN: Sad face, sad face, angry face."

Letterkenny

Better slow down there, Big‐shoots.

"Better slow down there, Big‐shoots."

Letterkenny

I guarantee she'll be slower and slower to crawl into bed with you at night.

"I guarantee she'll be slower and slower to crawl into bed with you at night."

Letterkenny

so it becomes real popular in his high school,

"so it becomes real popular in his high school,"

Letterkenny

with his ability to take a shits any time he needed to.

"with his ability to take a shits any time he needed to."

Letterkenny

and be like, "Hey, why don't you comes over here and takes a shits?"

"and be like, "Hey, why don't you comes over here and takes a shits?""

Letterkenny

and he says, "Hey, why don't you come take a shits in the girls' bathroom?"

"and he says, "Hey, why don't you come take a shits in the girls' bathroom?""

Letterkenny

but when he opens the bathroom door, what does he find?

"but when he opens the bathroom door, what does he find?"

Letterkenny

Right again.

"Right again."

Letterkenny

Oh, if a woman's not gonna love me for my farts

"Oh, if a woman's not gonna love me for my farts"

Letterkenny

or for me posting my bowling scores on the internet...

"or for me posting my bowling scores on the internet..."

Letterkenny

I already told you. Dary and I are doing it Friday.

"I already told you. Dary and I are doing it Friday."

Letterkenny

You gotta tell her more than once.

"You gotta tell her more than once."

Letterkenny

She's a woman, not a robot.

"She's a woman, not a robot."

Letterkenny

You know what Dad would say... Plant the corn. Get her goin'.

"You know what Dad would say... Plant the corn. Get her goin'."

Letterkenny

So, how are you gonna do it?

"So, how are you gonna do it?"

Letterkenny

My van. WAYNE: Won't do.

"My van. WAYNE: Won't do."

Letterkenny

DARYL: Why? 'Cause that might be a little too punk rock, Dary.

"DARYL: Why? 'Cause that might be a little too punk rock, Dary."

Letterkenny

What's wrong with my van? More than a coat of paint.

"What's wrong with my van? More than a coat of paint."

Letterkenny

Go on. More than two coats of paint.

"Go on. More than two coats of paint."

Letterkenny

Get after it. Rear end differential.

"Get after it. Rear end differential."

Letterkenny

Front end differential. Alternator. Battery.

"Front end differential. Alternator. Battery."

Letterkenny

Doesn't matter. She'll perform.

"Doesn't matter. She'll perform."

Letterkenny

Well, fucking measure twice, cut once then, bud.

"Well, fucking measure twice, cut once then, bud."

Letterkenny

No I never. I said yesterday it was fit for a demolition derby.

"No I never. I said yesterday it was fit for a demolition derby."

Letterkenny

It's not what you said. You better settle down over there

"It's not what you said. You better settle down over there"

Letterkenny

There's one thing you're not gonna like about your own face.

"There's one thing you're not gonna like about your own face."

Letterkenny

You're one end.

"You're one end."

Letterkenny

You're the other end.

"You're the other end."

Letterkenny

Stick you's together and you're just stuck.

"Stick you's together and you're just stuck."

Letterkenny

You appreciate my metaphors, Katy.

"You appreciate my metaphors, Katy."

Letterkenny

That's what I appreciate about you.

"That's what I appreciate about you."

Letterkenny

Stake about five to 10% offer over there squarely down. Yeah. No. Huh?

"Stake about five to 10% offer over there squarely down. Yeah. No. Huh?"

Letterkenny

Uh... (DAN FARTS AGAIN)

"Uh... (DAN FARTS AGAIN)"

Letterkenny

Heck! You wouldn't mind a quick heads up from a fella

"Heck! You wouldn't mind a quick heads up from a fella"

Letterkenny

who's about to steam press his Calvins.

"who's about to steam press his Calvins."

Letterkenny

That was a real ass flapper, if I do say so, myself.

"That was a real ass flapper, if I do say so, myself."

Letterkenny

Some fine colon bowling.

"Some fine colon bowling."

Letterkenny

Some real rectal turbulence.

"Some real rectal turbulence."

Letterkenny

Wayne, you gonna weigh in on this?

"Wayne, you gonna weigh in on this?"

Letterkenny

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