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Clips from Letterkenny - Fartbook (S01E01)

"Those d‐gens would lap this right up."
Letterkenny
"Maybe get Glen. Get the Christians on board."
Letterkenny
"Agreed. And we should also get Katy into the fracas. I'll talk to her."
Letterkenny
"The fuck you will. Wondrous."
Letterkenny
"We reconvene back here in 24 hours."
Letterkenny
"(FARTING SOUNDS)"
Letterkenny
"(FARTS)"
Letterkenny
"No, you?"
Letterkenny
"(BOTH PANTING)"
Letterkenny
"(GRUNTING) Gail."
Letterkenny
"How are you now?"
Letterkenny
"(FART RECORDINGS PLAYING)"
Letterkenny
"Everything about that so right. Wrong."
Letterkenny
"For example,"
Letterkenny
"But see, I had just got that message from someone else."
Letterkenny
"too goddamn much to take that risk."
Letterkenny
"It's called spamming, Gail."
Letterkenny
"Never heard it called that. Heard it called spunking one or two times..."
Letterkenny
"who have not requested it is called spamming."
Letterkenny
"Okay."
Letterkenny
"And it's annoying."
Letterkenny
"No. No. No. Yes. Yes."
Letterkenny
"If you continue to misuse Fartbook,"
Letterkenny
"we'll have to suspend your membership."
Letterkenny
"Why don't you suspend my fist in your ass, you little fuck."
Letterkenny
"If you ever threaten me like that again, I'll spread your cheeks"
Letterkenny
"and I'll feed you a Kentucky Klondike Bar, you little twat."
Letterkenny
"I'll drop an Alabama Hot Pocket in your deuce maker, Charlie."
Letterkenny
"you'll be crying for your mother, you fucking asshole."
Letterkenny
"GAIL: Fuck you, Stewart."
Letterkenny
"You drop deuces in every orifice of your body, you fuckhead!"
Letterkenny
"Tear you into a Pop‐Tart!"
Letterkenny
"GAIL: And then I will..."
Letterkenny
"We've got another problem."
Letterkenny
"STEWART: Where's Katy?"
Letterkenny
"What? STEWART: Katy."
Letterkenny
"We've summoned you here today to talk about your Fartbook profile."
Letterkenny
"Problem? Those are cat farts."
Letterkenny
"It's not my cat. It's just a barn cat."
Letterkenny
"I seen a coon having sex with a barn cat on top of my truck one time, fuck."
Letterkenny
"What's the nature of that, David Suzuki?"
Letterkenny
"No one cares about your cat's farts."
Letterkenny
"But look how cute they are."
Letterkenny
"Not to be impolite, but you're the only one who thinks so."
Letterkenny
"is going to think their cat's or kid's farts are super special and unique."
Letterkenny
"They're not. They are just a cat or a kid fart."
Letterkenny
"Oh, that's because there's so many cute farts. Like I can't even keep up."
Letterkenny
"JONESY: Katy! What is this fucking gong show?"
Letterkenny
"What? We are at home."
Letterkenny
"In the middle of a 'Chel tournament with big dingers in..."
Letterkenny
"And not one of this grain fed,"
Letterkenny
"USDA certified, 100% non‐animal tested, organic beauty."
Letterkenny
"So?"
Letterkenny
"So he's gonna think you wanna fucking wheel him."
Letterkenny
"He's gonna think that you wanna turn on the jets."
Letterkenny
"Because I like his farts?"
Letterkenny
"Yes."
Letterkenny
"I'm just pushing a button. It doesn't mean anything."
Letterkenny
"Fucking vampire... Pipe down, idiots."
Letterkenny
"Get in the house."
Letterkenny
"Now."
Letterkenny
"(GROWLS) I'm gonna get you, you fuckin' pheasant!"
Letterkenny
"We're comin' phezzy!"
Letterkenny
"Boy, you're havin' quite a day, Super‐chief."
Letterkenny
"We've got another problem."
Letterkenny
"Where's Glen?"
Letterkenny
"Daryl, Rage Monkeys. Daniel. Wayne."
Letterkenny
"We've summoned you here today to talk to you about your Fartbook profile."
Letterkenny
"You have no photos and no farts"
Letterkenny
"but are friends with everyone along for the test drive."
Letterkenny
"Hmm. I'm not friends with everyone."
Letterkenny
"It seems as though you were just cruising through Fartbook"
Letterkenny
"liking and commenting on everyone's farts but contributing nothing yourself."
Letterkenny
"I am as God made me."
Letterkenny
"Not super farty."
Letterkenny
"What you're doing is called creeping."
Letterkenny
"You can't just go around creeping other people's farts."
Letterkenny
"What the truck is wrong with that?"
Letterkenny
"we'll have to suspend your membership."
Letterkenny
"Fine. Fine."
Letterkenny
"Fluff you then."
Letterkenny
"I have millions..."
Letterkenny
"(CHUCKLES) And I mean, millions of ways of hearing unlimited farts."
Letterkenny
"We're done here, Glen."
Letterkenny
"I think we should pump the brakes on Fartbook."
Letterkenny
"That's a Texas‐size 10‐4. Why?"
Letterkenny
"It's kicking up too much dust."
Letterkenny
"We haven't even gotten into it and already folks are gettin' chapped asses."
Letterkenny
"Well, that's their problem. Not ours."
Letterkenny
"This is our problem."
Letterkenny
"We started Fartbook so that good folks could share farts with other good folks."
Letterkenny
"That's it."
Letterkenny
"Although, if you eat spam, you'll get good farts."
Letterkenny
"It's not right. You don't get to 500 million farts"
Letterkenny
"Fartbook dies today."
Letterkenny
"Today, Fartbook is dead."
Letterkenny
"Oh. You think so?"
Letterkenny
"I'm with the fellas on this one."
Letterkenny
"It's not why we invented it. (SCOFFS)"
Letterkenny
"We built the site."
Letterkenny
"You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this."
Letterkenny
"If you were the inventors of Fartbook, you'd have invented Fartbook."
Letterkenny
"Hold your horses there. Let's put this to a vote."
Letterkenny
"Those for closing down Fartbook, raise your hands."
Letterkenny
"If you want to sit on our backs and call yourselves tall,"
Letterkenny
"you have every right to do so."
Letterkenny
"You have a bit of our attention,"
Letterkenny
"When did we ask for your attention?"
Letterkenny
"The rest of our attention is back at the offices of Fartbook,"
Letterkenny
"are intellectually, creatively, artistically,"
Letterkenny
"emotionally, or spiritually capable of doing."
Letterkenny
"Have I adequately answered your condescending question?"
Letterkenny
"What question?"
Letterkenny
"You better lawyer up, asshole,"
Letterkenny
"because I'm not coming back for 30 percent,"
Letterkenny
"I'm coming back for everything."
Letterkenny
"I don't know what happened just now."
Letterkenny
"(WHIMPERING)"
Letterkenny
"(WHISPERING) No... No..."
Letterkenny
"DAN: You know, I've been thinking about Fartbook..."
Letterkenny
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