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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015) - Kimmy Pulls Off a Heist! (S03E03)

"One last score."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Just look at the election."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"are burning Redskins jerseys"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"So? It's just more money for me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And think about it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"they keep it for life,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"So what if you offended a much bigger group?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"America is angry..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Like, if we became the Jacksonville Hillaries,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The Tennessee Bath-Lovers!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'd buy that jersey just to support bath-taking."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"If you think I'm gonna throw away decades of tradition"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"as if it were just-- just one of my sons--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Why, I'd buy a jersey just to shoot it full of holes!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"And you and Duke"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Hey..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Good to see you, Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"That's too bad,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"'cause if you think"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Because I've been practicing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Damn it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Just turn around. Maybe you won a boat ride."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Remember?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"When I eat lunch on a beam, I can see your roof."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Seeing the big, beautiful gay world."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I touched a deer."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"-Oh. -But I've been, you know, dating."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm just picking up snacks and Gonzo Noses."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"How wonderful."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Having romantic weekends every day of the week,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Generally, just living my best life."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"His name is Reuben,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Cool."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Get a life, why don't ya?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"with the 20th pick of the NFL draft."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Ugh, I hate them. They're liars."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, that's new."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You white, one-legged son of a bitch."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But your time is over."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"My family is Lakota Sioux."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"but it's a Heather Locklear situation."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I have Iktomi the spider on my side,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and I don't want to brag,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"but he is one of the more famous trickster spiders."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and change the name of your precious Washington Redskins!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"you know, a fascinating transition."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to be so loud."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"So you want to go for a walk?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Oh, I already hit my step-count goals for the day."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Text me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I ran out of minutes trying to win this radio contest."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"to see if they were a group, a person, or a diet plan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Bathroom key, s'il vous please."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I got two rules here, pal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Never box yourself in"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"with an unnecessarily low rule number."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Two:"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"BCO, baby."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Bathroom for customers only."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I bought a Charleston Chew here in 2007."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Nah, nah, nah, nah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"That might have worked with the last guy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"New owner, new rules."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Sir, I was just in a very long movie,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and I couldn't go to the bathroom there because I was on a date with another man."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"He could just walk in, get a side view,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and then, where's the mystery?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Buy something!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Can I interest you in an all-beak hot dog?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Did you say "beef" or "beak"?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"- Ah... -"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Ah, was that so hard?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Here you go."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What are you doing here?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I'm here to clean up my son's mess,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"like I'm some Four Seasons hot tub attendant."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"It's 'cause of the jets I do that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Haven't you said enough?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, what exactly do you have on there?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"What did my son say?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You make the footballs while the pigs are still alive."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Over the years, you've killed four Eli Mannings."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But people know that already, right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The clones are not convincing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Have you seen the latest Toyota commercial?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Toyoga!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"God damn it!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"This is what I get for having children with a woman."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Well, you can make it all go away."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Except at sports."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Except at hockey!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"You can bully me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Right, Dad?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"The only thing you're doing is waiting in the car."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Can I at least call OnStar and pretend I've had an accident?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"which would be exciting if I were a baby or a mermaid."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But I'm neither."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"How do boys decide who calls?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I went to the gas station to use the bathroom,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I was forced to buy gum."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Gum is the lie your mouth tells your stomach."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Titus, just use our bathroom."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Our bathroom is strictly for grooming, shame eating,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and pep talks before trying to put on jeans."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Unlike you, I have some self-respect,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"How?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"A heist."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Stealing, Titus? Really?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"I have been pooping-- or whatever, maintain the mystery--"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"there for years."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"But to right this wrong, I'm gonna need your help."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"No way."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"In philosophy, we've been learning"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"about good and evil,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"and I think stealing is evil."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"Going back on a promise would mean breaking the Rousseauvian social contract."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"That's right."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
"So let's go steal the key to a gas station bathroom."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt(2015)
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