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Clips from Scrubs - My Porcelain God (S03E03)

"I've been working with Dr Casey the last few weeks."
Scrubs
"and he likes to start each day the same way..."
Scrubs
"- Good morning, doctors. - He touches everything."
Scrubs
"I suppose that's how they say good morning in cuckoo-town."
Scrubs
"Pretty much."
Scrubs
"Where women glow and men plunder"
Scrubs
"- Do you plunder? - I have been known to."
Scrubs
"What's the noise he's talking about?"
Scrubs
"- That is a roof toilet. - You said that like it's normal."
Scrubs
"You're the guy who's been using up all my soap."
Scrubs
"You kidding? Just picture yourself. You're standing out here,"
Scrubs
"You can't do any soul-searching down there on those germ-infested crappers."
Scrubs
"Damn him, he's right."
Scrubs
"Yup, that's what he said."
Scrubs
"JD, Turk wants to ask you something"
Scrubs
"and it would mean a lot to the both of us if you said yes."
Scrubs
"- I mean, yeah! Of course. - Hell, yeah, you will."
Scrubs
"- That was awesome. - You guys realise you're doctors?"
Scrubs
"The reason I'm gurney-surfing, aside from the fact that it's bitching,"
Scrubs
"The census was wrong."
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso, where are we gonna fit these sick people?"
Scrubs
"It's not my job to take care of sick people."
Scrubs
"Bob Kelso, healer."
Scrubs
"- Bink. - Hey, "bink" you."
Scrubs
"It wasn't just me. Dr Casey's affected everyone."
Scrubs
"I could use a little help here."
Scrubs
"- So, introduce yourself. - I haven't seen him all day."
Scrubs
"Why can't I sit on you?"
Scrubs
"Why?"
Scrubs
"Barbie, as hard as it is to remember, but air goes in the lungs."
Scrubs
"I don't know why Carla wants me to wear a cumberbund, let alone a red one."
Scrubs
"As your best man, trust me, it's not about the style, it's about the fit."
Scrubs
"Five, six, seven, eight."
Scrubs
"I'm the best man. Do you have any advice for me to give my friend?"
Scrubs
"What did you have in mind?"
Scrubs
"I've got a billion patients and no rooms."
Scrubs
"at turtle head's wedding and I got a resident who can't do a simple procedure"
Scrubs
"You know we don't have an extra bed in this dump."
Scrubs
"No. Why?"
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Of course, it's so simple."
Scrubs
"Carla, good. Would you tell Hector that he can stay just as long as he likes?"
Scrubs
"What the hell is going on in here?"
Scrubs
"Sure."
Scrubs
"I know!"
Scrubs
"I know."
Scrubs
"Dude, I look like I'm going to Farrakhan day camp."
Scrubs
"Paint your legs black, you'll be fine."
Scrubs
"I'm really thinking about talking to Carla about this. What do you think?"
Scrubs
"You should totally say something."
Scrubs
"We're in love, you idiot."
Scrubs
"So tell me, is it harder being a surgeon or a doctor?"
Scrubs
"A surgeon, cos when you tell people that a loved one died,"
Scrubs
"you have to pull your surgical mask down and you shake your head."
Scrubs
"If you do it too fast, it says,"
Scrubs
"If one of my loved ones ever dies, I hope it's because of you."
Scrubs
"- Have you seen the roof toilet? - No, but I'm a nervous pooer."
Scrubs
"Now we're definitely not flirting."
Scrubs
"To climb a mountain."
Scrubs
"You closed an entire wing."
Scrubs
"I would use Dr Kelso's, but I don't wanna wake up Hector."
Scrubs
"Let's not tell anyone else there's a toilet on the roof."
Scrubs
"No. Yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor."
Scrubs
"That means "God is watching us.""
Scrubs
"It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're still best man."
Scrubs
"Cos I need to talk to you in private, sort of man-to-man."
Scrubs
"- This is hard. - Sorry it took me so long."
Scrubs
"I had to go home. Damn roof toilet. It's got my number."
Scrubs
"- Can't lick it? - God, no. I can't even sit on it."
Scrubs
"I can't intubate patients anymore. I used to do that better than anyone."
Scrubs
"That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it"
Scrubs
"Elliot. I'll help you."
Scrubs
"I thought that was a nice touch."
Scrubs
"- Wait, that's wrong. - Shocker."
Scrubs
"I can't think straight with this whispering."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, Dr Kelso, but I'm trying to get their lunch orders."
Scrubs
"OK, it was amazing to work with you."
Scrubs
"And how weird it was that someone could walk into your life,"
Scrubs
"What's wrong?"
Scrubs
"and Dr Cox and Doug and Dr Mickhead."
Scrubs
"All right."
Scrubs
"Hector's wife just set my drapes on fire with her damn prayer candle."
Scrubs
"- What sport are we talking about? - I wanna say tennis."
Scrubs
"But, dude, it has to be you, you know that."
Scrubs
"You have no idea how much stress that would relieve."
Scrubs
"That's half his life. I mean, I know he looks 50,"
Scrubs
"Except that outdoor toilet seats are like frickin' icicles."
Scrubs
"Go! Roll to her!"
Scrubs
"If there's something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient"
Scrubs
"or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up roadblocks,"
Scrubs
"I can't believe it's gone."
Scrubs
"the answers we've been looking for have been inside us all along."
Scrubs
"I'm running late this morning."
Scrubs
"... by touching everything in his first patient's room."
Scrubs
"Patients on this wing have been complaining about noises."
Scrubs
"- If it's "bink", I can explain. - It isn't "bink"."
Scrubs
"Was it I come from the land down under"
Scrubs
"- That wasn't me. - Just figure it out, dammit."
Scrubs
"- Yeah, I've got OCD. - Really? My grandpa had that."
Scrubs
"- That's OCD, right? - The bad kind."
Scrubs
"Who would use this thing?"
Scrubs
"out in the open air, then you sit down and you take stock of your life."
Scrubs
"I don't want you telling anybody about my epiphany toilet."
Scrubs
"And get this, he calls it his "epiphany" toilet."
Scrubs
"- You couldn't pay me to poop there. - No one's offering."
Scrubs
"You're like Dr Casey. He said using that toilet would be like his Everest."
Scrubs
"- Ask him. - No."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God, would I have a threesome with Turk and Carla?"
Scrubs
"It's flattering and I don't think they'd tell anyone..."
Scrubs
"Will you be my best man?"
Scrubs
"So, is this like, the best moment you guys have ever had?"
Scrubs
"A decoder ring."
Scrubs
"- It finally happened! - A double prizer?"
Scrubs
"Double secret decoder-ring wearing doctors."
Scrubs
"is that Kelso shut down this whole wing."
Scrubs
"- I gotta go. - Oh, no."
Scrubs
"Closing that wing saves us about $60,000 a month. You got that on you?"
Scrubs
"It's weird how much Dr Casey has influenced me in a short time."
Scrubs
"- What's he doing? - Writing Dr Casey a "thank you" card."
Scrubs
"Todd, "surgeon" is spelled G-E-O-N."
Scrubs
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