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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer and Apu (S05E05)

"No way, man! No way, man! Get yourself another patsy, man!"
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"- No way am I wearin' a freakin' wire. - All right, all right."
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"We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat."
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"Now go get us some incriminating footage. Remember, you have to get in and out in 1 0 minutes..."
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"- or you'll suffer permanent neck damage. - He's not kiddin'."
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"[ Footsteps Clattering ]"
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"- Huh? - Don't be alarmed, Apu."
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"Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat."
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"Bee? [ Screaming ]"
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"Homer, that hat's been with the station for 20 years."
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"" La la la la la " Well, time to replenish the hot-dog roller."
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"Oh, well. Let's sell it anyway."
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"Hot diggety dog! We've got him, Mr. Simpson."
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"One hot dog, please."
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"Apu, will you ever stop selling spoiled meat?"
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"- I think I come off very well. - Monster! Run, children!"
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"But, sir, I was only following standard procedure."
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"to blame any problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb."
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"Uh-huh. And if I can obtain for you these animals?"
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"I'm sorry, Apu. I have no choice."
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"Oh!"
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"Oh! Fired after all these years of loyal service."
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"- No! I don't want to live, sir! - Give me that wiener!"
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"- [ Grunting ] - No, Apu! It's not worth it!"
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"What do I do now?"
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"Even this babbling brook sounds almost like mocking laughter."
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"[ Laughter ]"
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"Who needs money when we got feathers?"
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"Hmm."
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"This is all because of Homer Simpson."
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"- [ Laughing ] - [ TV: Laughter]"
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"Oh, oh, stop!"
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"[ Nasally ] Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this. " [ Scatting ]"
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"Huh?"
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"[ Screaming ]"
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"Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me."
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"In my village, this is the traditional pose of apology."
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"But then I realized it was I who wronged you."
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"I'm selling only the concept of karmic realignment."
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"You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos."
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"- [ Homer ] Is he still out there? - Yes. He's raking leaves."
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"What? That's your job!"
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"If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping--"
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"It is an honor to begin repaying my debt to you."
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"Back in Rahmatpur, I was considered quite the gourmet."
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"Hmm. It certainly is exotic."
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"I can see through time."
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"Because I like people, and I need a place where I'll be out of the sun."
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"- Wait. There's one more applicant. - Name?"
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"Ooh, uh, gee, True Believer, uh, Salvador, Onion Field, The Hard Way."
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"Wait-Wait a minute! Those aren't convenience stores."
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"- That sounds like the resume of a Hollywood movie star. - Uh, yeah, well-- Huh!"
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"[ Both Gasp ] James Woods!"
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"Why would you want to work at a Kwik-E-Mart?"
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"And, you know, I kinda like to research my roles and really get into it."
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"For instance, True Believer. I actually worked in a law firm for two months."
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"Hm? Hm? Hm? Hm?"
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"- Good morning, sir. - [ Screams ]"
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"Relax, please. You do not have anything I have not seen before."
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"- " La la la la " - [ Groans ]"
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"Mmm! Corn! Haven't had that in a while."
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"- [ Together] Bye. - Hm."
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"Umm, well, I guess we could go to that new Monstromart."
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"Ooh! Great selection and rock-bottom prices. But where is the love?"
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"- [ Shoppers ] Aww! - Hm!"
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"Excuse me, ma'am. Where are the lampshades?"
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"Ma'am?"
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"Oh! I've killed her!"
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"It's all happening again! [ Sobbing, Screaming ]"
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"Uh, Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always."
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"Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel."
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"In 1 957, I remember it was."
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"I set the toaster to three-- medium brown."
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"- Let's go to... that line. - But that's the longest."
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"Mmm!"
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"Seventy-fve, 85, 90 and a dollar."
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"Thank you and come again. Hey, wait a minute! Hey!"
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"- Actually, I thought it was a little labored. - Oh."
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"Yeah. Like-- Yeah! Okay. Great. Okay. Let-Let's just try that again. Okay? Come on."
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"- I'm me? - Hey, don't jerk me around, fella."
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"- Pass the chutney. - Apu, you've been so helpful."
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"If it weren't for him, we'd still be in line at the Monstromart."
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"- And he taught me how to play the shehnai. - " [ Shrill Notes ]"
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"And he taught me how to do this. [ Grunting ]"
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"I got out of school, 'cause I told 'em I was mangled in a car wreck."
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"- Thank you all for the kind praise. - Well, you deserve it."
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"All these vegetables are really clearing the cholesterol out of the old heart."
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"or a geodesic dome..."
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"there's no structure I have been to which I'd rather call my home."
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""When I first arrived you were all such jerks ""
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"" Maggie with her eyes so bright ""
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"" Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright ""
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"" Homer's a delightful fella ""
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"- " Sorry 'bout the salmonella " - Heh-heh! That's okay."
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""Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ""
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""Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ""
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"Ahh. Everything really wrapped up nicely. Hmm. Much quicker than usual."
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"I guess we've learned that happiness is wherever you find it."
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"- [ Apu Crying ] - [ TV Clicks On ]"
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"Hey, what's that sound?"
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"Hey, he's not happy at all! He lied to us through song!"
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"I hate when people do that!"
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"I can't lie to myself, you know. I do miss my Kwik-E-Mart."
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"Isn't there anything you can do to get your job back?"
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"- I must go to the head office and appeal my case. - I'm coming with you!"
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"- But, sir, the head office is in India. - Okay."
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"- Dad, that's over 1 0,000 miles away. - I'm aware of that!"
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"-Are we in India yet? - No."
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"-Are we in India yet? - No."
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"-Are we in India yet? - No."
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"You have to do something about this."
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"from a tightly wound convenience-store clerk to a jittery Eskimo firefighter?"
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"Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm."
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"Now, this is gross-- This'll be gross points, right, on this new-- Okay."
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"rent me an igloo, and tell those dorks at the Kwik-E-Mart that, boom, I am out of here."
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"I'm a dot. I'm gone. Okay? What do you mean I gotta give two weeks notice?"
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"Oh, great. Christians."
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"[ Man On P.A.] Attention, passengers. Dinner is now being sered in the dining car."
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"That's great, because all I need is one."
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"- But I must-- - Thank you. Come again."
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