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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer and Apu (S05E05)

"- I need one 29-cent stamp. - That's $1 .85."
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"- [ Bell Dings ] - How much is your penny candy?"
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"Ooh, this one's open. [ Gobbling ]"
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"Must fnish. [ Gobbles ]"
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"Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp."
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"That dog can sell anything."
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"Rancid meat attack! Stupid parasites!"
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"- Would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone? - Oh, that I'll wear."
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"[ Groaning ]"
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"[ Groaning ]"
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"[ Door Chimes ]"
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"Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir."
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"Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet."
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"[ Panting ]"
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"He had one day left till retirement."
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"Oh, no. It is encrusted with filth."
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"Now, this is just between me and you, smashed hat. [ Chuckling ]"
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"No. I mean, yes. I mean-- Uh-oh."
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"Ah, true. But it's also standard procedure..."
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"And you can no longer tell people about our fried pickles."
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"- I don't want to live anymore! Oh! - Give me that wiener!"
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"I've been drummed out of my profession. I'm a disgrace."
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"[ Chittering ]"
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"- [ Laughter, Applause ] - [ Laughing ] It's true! It's true! We're so lame."
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"[ Thunderclaps Continue ]"
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"Aah!"
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"[ Screaming ]"
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"No! Don't kill me! I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat!"
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"- Oh. - Now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing."
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"Many have died needlessly."
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"So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service."
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"You're selling what now?"
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"Okay, okay. I'll let him. But then I get a Chipwich. Okay?"
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"- [ Panting ] - Oh, Lisa, is that too spicy for you?"
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"- A napkin. - [ Chuckling ] Outrageous!"
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"- Thank you. - [ Belches ]"
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"[ Chuckles ] Well, uh, to be honest, in my upcoming movie..."
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"I'm gonna be playing this tightly wound convenience-store clerk..."
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"And in the film Chaplin-- I had a little cameo in that--"
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"I actually traveled in time back to the '20s where--"
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"- Well, [ Chuckles ] I-I've said too much. - Welcome aboard."
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"- What the-- - Uh, I like to keep a lollipop there."
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"- Apu, we usually store our cans in the cupboard. - Oh, they'll never move that way."
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"Yeah! Delicious corn."
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"Oh, we're low on milk for Maggie. You wanna come with me to the Kwik-E-Mart?"
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""[ Muzak ]"
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"Ooh! That's a good price for 1 2 pounds of nutmeg."
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"[ Both Gasp, Scream ]"
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"[ Both Gasp, Scream ]"
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"Yes, but look-- all pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat."
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"[ Rapid Cash-register Sounds ]"
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"Did I sound like a real Kwik-E-Mart, you know, kinda guy?"
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"[ All Gobbling, Gulping ]"
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"[ Shudders ] That's even worse than the album Grampa released."
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"[ Beating ]"
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"I think what my father's saying is you're like a member of the family now."
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"Hello. Aah!"
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"" But now I've come to lo-o-ove your quirks ""
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"" Lisa can philosophize ""
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"" Bart's adept at spinning lies ""
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"- Aah! - "Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart ""
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"" Oh, won't you rhyme with me ""
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""Their floors are sticky-mart ""
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"[ Crying Continues ]"
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"Well, the least I could do is absolutely nothing. But I'll go you one better and come along."
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"- That's over 1 6,000 kilometers. - D'oh!"
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"T-Tony, T-Tony, y-you're my agent."
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"Uh! How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character..."
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"Why, you damn, frickin', no good mother-- [ Beeping ] cheese!"
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"[ All Clamoring ]"
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"" [ Indian Muzak ]"
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"of Kwik-E-Mart, and in Ohio, Stop-O-Mart."
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"- [ Slurping ] - He is the one I must ask for my job back."
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"[ Slurping Continues ]"
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"You may ask me three questions."
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"Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you."
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"Is he really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?"
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"[ Together ] Dad.! Dad.! What'd you bring us? What'd you bring?"
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"- How did it go? - Fine! Oh, I mean, not good."
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"Apu, if it'll make you feel any better..."
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"I have feared it for long enough now."
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"Oh, that'll work out great! We're out of Lucky Charms."
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"Ah, my old Squishee machine."
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"And my scum bucket with flies."
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"Oh, yes. It was horrible, I tell you."
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"All right, you! Hand over the cash, and don't try any funny stuff!."
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"- I-I'm not a singer. - Shut up!"
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"- [ Frightened Gasp ] - No-o-o!"
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"The searing kiss of hot lead."
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"How I've missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying."
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"Well, you are a very lucky man, Apu."
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"You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet..."
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"that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery."
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"Apu, you saved my life."
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"And as a small token of my appreciation, I got you your job back at the Kwik-E-Mart."
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"- That sounds like a good movie. - Yes. Yes, a-a movie. Yes."
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"Hey, let's all hug Apu."
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"- Aww. - Mm!"
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"- Surprisingly expensive. - [ Martin ] What a rip-off!."
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"- [ Grunting ] - [ Door Chimes ]"
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"Jiminy Cricket! Whoo! Expired ham."
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"Well, this time I've gone too far. No. No one will fall for--"
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"Woo-hoo! Cheap meat!"
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"- Ooh! Stomach churning! - [ Stomach Grumbles ]"
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"Bowels clenching."
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"- Not much time. - [ Thuds ]"
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"[ Alarm Blaring ]"
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"or [ Chuckles ] some sort of voodoo curse."
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"- [ Door Chimes ] - Your old meat made me sick!"
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"[ Sniffing ] This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny."
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"- Okay. Ten pounds. - Whoo-hoo!"
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"[ Alarm Blaring ]"
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"[ Barking ]"
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"- [ Man ] Brought to you by-- - [ Barking Continues ]"
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"It turns out the rest home was adequately heated."
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"Now, coming up next, ''The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer.''"
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"- Ohh! Urp! - [ Stomach Grumbles ]"
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"Is there no way I can find justice?"
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"- Boring. - Dad, you should blow the whistle on the Kwik-E-Mart."
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"- And now a message from the Church of Latter-day Saints. - [ Barking ]"
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