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Clips from South Park - Erection Day (S09E09)

"Uh, sure?"
South Park
"A lot of times parents call me in because I can relate to younger kids."
South Park
"I'm I'm down, I'm dope, you dig?"
South Park
"Now, I understand you have some concerns about erections."
South Park
"Oops, can't say erection in front of the parents right."
South Park
"Oh God, I feel so weird" huh?"
South Park
"Well, a little, yes."
South Park
"Jimmy, there's nothing weird about random erections."
South Park
"Almost every boy goes through a phase where his penisbecomes hard... for no particular reason."
South Park
"It's just part of grwoing up."
South Park
"Growing up? Growing out is more like it."
South Park
"But I have to make it stop! The talent show is this F-Friday."
South Park
"Tell you what, Mom and Dad, why don't you skidaddle for a tick and let us hipsters talk in privo."
South Park
"A-all right, come on, honey."
South Park
"Certain hormones start to release as your whole reproductive system begins to awaken,"
South Park
"and so, if you like, we can take off our shirts and kiss."
South Park
"Oh, hey, nothin', you see?"
South Park
"See, that set you off on a different tangent, got you thinkin' a different way. That's what Doctor Pal is here to do."
South Park
"Unless, of course, you think we should take off our shirts and kiss."
South Park
"N-no, I do NOT want to take off my shirt and kiss."
South Park
"Well then to hell with you, kid. You can just deal with your problems on your own."
South Park
"Next up for the talent show:"
South Park
"So apparently Martha Stewart is out of jail."
South Park
"Have you have you heard about this, have you seen this?"
South Park
"She's very excited to get started on her new show,"
South Park
""Martha Stewart Living, with an electronic ankle bracelet.""
South Park
"So it looks like the Vatican has finally chosen a new Pope."
South Park
"Have you seen this, have you heard about this?"
South Park
"A-a-apparently they're going to call him New Pope,"
South Park
"a-and refer to John Paul as P-Pope Classic."
South Park
"You know... huh... you uh you know what they say about b-b-b-b-back problems."
South Park
"What a fantastic audience."
South Park
"Don't worry, Jimmy. We're not laughing with you,"
South Park
"we're laughing AT you."
South Park
"Lu Lu Lu, I've got some apples,"
South Park
"Lu Lu Lu, you've got some too."
South Park
"- I know what we can do, Lu Lu. - Butters!"
South Park
"Oh! Oh hey, Jimmy."
South Park
"I'm just practicin' for the talent show."
South Park
"Well sure I do."
South Park
"Really??"
South Park
"Yes, now sit down, Jimmy, we should have a little talk."
South Park
"You see, Jimmy, when a man's penis becomes hard, the man puts it into a lady. Into her "vagiiina.""
South Park
"Then, the hard penis sneezes milk inside the lady's tummy,"
South Park
"and after it's all done sneezin' milk. The penis stops bein' hard,"
South Park
"So, when your penis becomes hard, you're supposed to put in in a lady's vagina."
South Park
"And then it stops being hard?"
South Park
"That's right, Jimmy."
South Park
"But where am I going to find a lady to stick my penis in?"
South Park
"The talent show is this Friday."
South Park
"Talk to you, Bertha."
South Park
"Okay, see you later, Jessie."
South Park
"Well Bertha, I was wondering if I could stick my penis in your vagina?"
South Park
"What?? No way!"
South Park
"Jerk!"
South Park
"I'm trying to get laid. What's it look like?"
South Park
"Have you gotten laid before?"
South Park
"Sure, lots of times."
South Park
"I've been laid, like, five thousand times."
South Park
"I told you: a date and then Italian food."
South Park
"And then you gotta make her thnk you're a good listener."
South Park
"Eric, I can't tell you why, but it's very important that I score to-night!"
South Park
"Why sure, they do this all the time in movies and TV shows."
South Park
"and I'll be nearby, secretly telling you all the right things to say."
South Park
"Wow! Thanks, Eric."
South Park
"Shawna honey, I think your little date is here."
South Park
"Okay, Mom."
South Park
"Hey Shawna."
South Park
"Okay Jimmy. First off, tell her how good she looks."
South Park
"Wow, Shawna, you look fantastic."
South Park
"Thanks, Jimmy. Where are we going?"
South Park
"We're going to an authentic Italian restaurant, Buca de Fagghecini."
South Park
"Welcome to Buca de Fagghecini for the authentico experience Italiano."
South Park
"My name is Roma."
South Park
"Can I start you out with some lotsa pasta macaroni minis?"
South Park
"Uh, I think we're gonna try your authentic pizzareli casserona poppers."
South Park
"Right away."
South Park
"You know that girl Sally Rauman at our school?"
South Park
"I can't stand her."
South Park
"Jimmy! Jimmy!"
South Park
"Jimmy, even though what she's saying now isn't interesting at all, you say:"
South Park
""Wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more.""
South Park
"Really?"
South Park
"Well, Kelligan bought the same purse and I was like, "No WAY do I want it now!""
South Park
"because who wants a purse that both their best friends have, right? And so-"
South Park
"All right, when she stops yappin' again,"
South Park
"say: "Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right.""
South Park
"-I guess that's why I figured, "Who needs friends like that?""
South Park
"Wow, I've never thought of it that way before, but you're right."
South Park
""If you're gonna go out with my friends-""
South Park
"All right Jimmy, when she finally shuts her trap again,"
South Park
"and then follow it with: "Wow, how insightful.""
South Park
""And so if you're gonna be that way, I don't need to be your friend.""
South Park
""if you're gonna be that way, I don't need to be your friend." Wow, how insightful."
South Park
"Yeah. I mean, no other boys really communicate like you do."
South Park
"because I really wanna stick my penis in your vagina."
South Park
"Yes, nice, Jimmy, very nice."
South Park
"...What??? I'm not doing that!"
South Park
"Creep!"
South Park
"Welcome students and parents to the annual South Park Elementary Talent Show!"
South Park
"We have a lot of little talneted performers to get through,"
South Park
"so the quicker you shut up, the quicker this will be over!"
South Park
"Okay, first up we have Billy Turner, from the third grade,"
South Park
"who will be doing an alto sax solo."
South Park
"Jimmy, what are you doing here? The talent show is inside."
South Park
"I'm... not gonna perform in the talent show."
South Park
"But Jimmy, you love talent shows. Everyone in town knows that."
South Park
"I just c-can't risk getting up in front of everyone."
South Park
"Why?"
South Park
"But I can't get any of the girls here to let me... do it to them."
South Park
"Well of course not, Jimmy. Little girls don't wanna have sex."
South Park
"Then why does God make it so that my penis gets hard"
South Park
"...if girls don't wanna have it in their vaginas?"
South Park
"It's like a cruel joke."
South Park
"...Colfax Point?"
South Park
"Well yeah, those women will have sex with anybody."
South Park
"M-maybe I can catch the bus ...and get down there before the talent show ends."
South Park
"Th-thanks, Officer Barbrady!"
South Park
"You're welcome, Jim."
South Park
"Wait..."
South Park
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