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Clips from 30 Rock - Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter (S04E04)

"Then why are my paychecks a different color than Frank's?"
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"Look, Toof, you provide a point of view"
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"that is essential to keeping the diversity guy"
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"from bothering us."
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"I do not want a job I did not earn."
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"I am about to utter two words a Harvard man never says."
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""I'm cool"?"
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"No, I'm sorry."
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"Don't quit."
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"I quit."
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"Wow, you look like Mr. Monopoly."
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"in a beauty contest, collect $10"."
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"I walked all the way to Battery Park today"
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"Well, no, I prefer it."
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"Something from the mini-bar?"
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"Oh, no, are you kidding me?"
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"Left over from my Amtrak ride."
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"So listen, uh... I know we've waited"
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"a long time for me to be single."
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"And I really want our first evening together to be special,"
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"I guess what I'm trying to say is..."
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"'Cause I'm exhausted, and I've got the night bloats."
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"Yes, the morning."
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"There's a Lee Marvin marathon on Turner Classics."
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"I thought you said this wasn't going to be sexual?"
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"Is everything okay?"
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"Jeter's apartment."
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"Oh, come on, Dinkins, you're killing me!"
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"What's going on?"
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"It's work."
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"Uh, no."
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"I have to go, I'm sorry."
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"How's your episode of Three's Company going?"
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"I need your help, Janet."
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"Aw, man, being Janet sucks."
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"After the party last night, I went to Nancy's hotel room."
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"Then Avery called and made an offer I couldn't refuse."
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"Ew, were you with both of them on one night?"
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"You were right, Lemon."
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"Whichever one I'm with,"
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"On looks? Lee Marvin."
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"alone at the hotel tonight,"
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"No, I have singles wine and cheese tonight."
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"This whole thing is unfair."
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"You're juggling two beautiful women"
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"This is gender inequity out the yang."
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"This has nothing to do with"
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"the slight difference in our genders."
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"The older you get, the more distinguished you are."
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"Hiding Your Arms, Hiding - Dating Over 35."
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"Lemon, I am successful romantically"
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"You are negative, pessimistic,"
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"and in danger of becoming permanently sour."
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"Is this you asking me for a favor?"
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"Look, if I don't handle this situation right,"
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"I'm going to lose both of these women."
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"Okay, fine."
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"I'll do it."
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"Ugh."
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"Ow, my eyes are stuck."
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"Do you have any idea how much paperwork"
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"I have to fill out because of this?"
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"Tracy, Tracy, Tray..."
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"Oh, yeah, just ask the black guy."
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"'Cause we all know each other."
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"Pete, could you tell a bald eagle"
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"to stop scaring me at zoos?"
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"for a few seconds now."
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"Come on, Tray, no one here is racist."
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""ridickerous" characters that "do-nuhnunciate" well?"
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"So what?"
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"We're always portrayed either as "goombahs" or "guidos"."
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"But we don't care, because we're successful members of society."
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"So maybe your problem is that you're finally being treated"
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"like everybody else."
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"Nah, You can play it off."
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"But I know you're all secretly mad"
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"because we finally have a black Disney princess."
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"You know, there actually hasn't been a white princess"
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"who have no idea they can be beautiful."
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"That's why I started Jenna's Kids."
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"It's a summer camp that teaches pretty, blonde girls"
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"how to be mean."
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"You... call Toofer."
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"Beg him to come back."
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"Of course not."
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"The Aryan hates and fears the African man,"
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"as we so clearly saw in the Blade movies."
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"No, I didn't want Toofer to quit."
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"Shut up, Liz."
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"...and in this world, I have never received"
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"special treatment."
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"So why should anybody else?"
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"Oh, Liz... Ugh!"
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"I love coming here."
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"with a veal tank."
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"You're self-conscious about our age difference,"
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"I see."
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"What, with your birthday and my amazing skin."
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"people in this restaurant might think you're my dad."
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"Or that you're my prostitute."
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"But what does it matter?"
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"I mean, yeah, if I'd met you 20 years ago..."
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"which is, of course, wrong."
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"The sportscaster who bites ladies."
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"Who cares?"
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"Then again, if I were with someone my own age,"
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"I'd miss out on a lot of things I want."
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"Especially not on your birthday."
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"But this is fun."
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"I found myself rooting for our boys in uniform,"
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"not those blue hippies."
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"But full disclosure, I had a couple of drinks prior to."
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"They weren't Marines."
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"working for a space mining company."
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"All right."
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"Uh... I'll see you later."
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"What are you doing?"
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"I was warming him up for you,"
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"What, you want to just sit around and be wrong?"
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