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Clips from Night Court - Santa Goes Downtown (S01E01)

"- And badges. - Sure. However..."
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"Our names are published in the daily calendar."
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"Okay, okay."
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"One more case before lunch, Your Honor."
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"- What have we got here? - More unknowns I'm afraid, Your Honor."
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"They were picked up for shoplifting and refuse to give their names."
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"Probably runaways."
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"Hi. I'm Judge Stone. And you're?"
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"Batman."
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"This is my old lady, Wonder Woman."
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"Permission to smack him around a little, Your Honor."
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"Denied, but the court sympathizes, Mr. Prosecutor. What's the story?"
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"They were apprehended leaving a grocery store with unpurchased items."
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"He had a streusel in his pants, and she had a blouse full of Fritos."
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"Never occurred to you to steal an entrée, huh?"
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"- Look, spare us the lectures, okay? - Eddie."
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"- What did I tell you about the name stuff? - That's all I'm gonna tell him. Don't worry."
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"- Eddie. Eddie what? - Cleaver."
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"Just a few minutes alone with him. That's all."
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"What is your name, young lady?"
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"- Mary. - Enough with the names already."
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"Just tell us your full names and where you live, so we can contact your parents."
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"Our parents don't care any more about us than you do..."
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"...so why don't we quit wasting time and get on..."
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"Young man, you're in court, and that's no way to talk to a judge."
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"Eddie's right."
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"Nobody cares about us except us..."
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"...and that's why we're getting married."
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"You look a little young to be getting married."
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"The juvenile authorities have been notified."
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"I suggest we remand them over to them for disposition."
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"- Mr. Prosecutor. - Uncle Dan has no objections."
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"Okay, you two."
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"Have you ever seen The Munsters?"
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"That's right. Egg him on."
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"That's dinner, everybody."
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"You see, in Holland..."
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"- Well, there was this one kid... - Hey. Hey, Santa Claus."
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"Why don't you tell us what it's like up in the North Pole there."
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"Bet you freeze your sleigh bells off at night, right?"
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"- He's a worm. - He's a kid."
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"Someday he'll grow up."
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"And be a large worm."
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"Me? I ain't angry."
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"- Am I, sweetheart? - Not to me you're not."
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"What do you want me to do, gramps?"
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"Climb on your knee and tell you what I want for Christmas?"
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"If you'd like."
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"Hey, somebody get this twinkie away from me."
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"Hey! That'll be enough out of you."
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"This is my courtroom and you will treat people with respect."
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"Well, how do you know he isn't?"
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"I think I've seen this on The Twilight Zone."
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"Kids, maybe we got off on the wrong foot earlier."
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"You wanna have some fun? Here. Here's a magic ball."
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"...then I sprinkle it on the ball and it's gone."
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"Where'd the ball go?"
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"In your pocket."
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"In your ear."
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"He's just a little frustrated, that's all. Believe me..."
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"Eddie, is he really Santa Claus?"
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"It really is, because the important thing is that I believe in you."
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"- What is that supposed to mean? - Well, it means I care."
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"That's all."
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"Oh, sure. How comforting!"
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"I can smell the booze on you from here."
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"What am I supposed to do? Jump up and down..."
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"...because some wino in a red suit tells me he cares?"
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"You can laugh at me all you want."
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"All of you disbelievers can laugh all you want!"
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"Don't anybody ever tell me I don't care!"
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"- What happened? - Get back, people. Give him some air."
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"I'll be fine."
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"Listen, if I don't make it, tell..."
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"Tell Frosty goodbye."
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"I'm just kidding. Get a doctor."
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"Well."
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"Just let him rest awhile and he should be all right."
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"This kind of heart condition, there's not much more you can do."
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"- I told him. - I'm sorry."
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"It just sounds better coming from him. Thanks, doc."
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"- I'm glad you were in the building. - Glad I could help."
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"Take care, Santa."
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"Oh, yeah. It's great."
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"Thanks."
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"Now do you believe me, young man?"
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"He's a doctor. What else is he gonna get for Christmas?"
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"...you know who I am now."
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"Don't you?"
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"...I am Santa Claus."
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"- Okay. Okay, you're Santa Claus. - No, I mean, the one..."
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"...the only, the true Santa Claus."
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"If you mean the personification of the spirit of Christmas..."
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"Now you're on the right track, only there are no others."
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"There's only one at a time, and when his time has passed..."
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"...like mine almost is..."
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"...he passes it on."
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"He passes what on?"
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"The door."
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"- How is he? - Spooky."
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"No, you hadn't gotten to that part yet."
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"Okay."
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"I was telling the judge about my search for a..."
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"...replacement."
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"Replacement for what?"
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"Yeah."
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"Sure, he's nuts and all, but I didn't mean him no harm or nothing."
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"No, of course not."
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"Mister, what do you think we are, animals or something?"
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"I have no proof, if that's what you mean."
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"Wanna have some fun?"
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"Go and tease Bull about his hair."
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"He loves it, really."
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"Your Honor, we got the identification on the two runaways."
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"- Police just sent this over. - Well, there's one mystery unraveled."
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"- Selma, go ask Bull to bring the kids in. - Right."
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"- There you go. - Harry, may I have that?"
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"...if those kids don't know about that report..."
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"...and I still manage to know their identities..."
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"Then they might believe in Santa Claus."
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