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Clips from Night Court - Santa Goes Downtown (S01E01)

"Great."
Night Court
"Hey, Carla B., how'd you like to see a trick?"
Night Court
"I hold in my hand an ordinary magic ball."
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"- I put the ball in my hand like this. - Yeah, we're really busy tonight..."
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"Well, I think this fellow needs no introduction."
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"- I was just doing my job. - Oh, that's all right, son."
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"All Santa had in his bag was a box of Chiclets and a half-empty bottle of gin."
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"But then, come March, I'm back to work already."
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"Danny, there was some messy little business with a doll when you were eight."
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"- The prisoner's status sheet, Your Honor. - Thank you."
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"...Santa has over there. - Yeah."
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"A right, jolly old elf, almost."
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"- Well, then let's roll. - Okay. Bring the kids in."
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"Perhaps you know my brothers, Wally and the Beav."
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"Fine. Then it is so ordered."
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"Why are you so angry, young man?"
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"Now, I put it in my hand, and then I get some magic powder..."
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"Oh, judge, don't get angry at him. He's not a bad boy."
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"...l've seen it a million times before."
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"Oh, sure he is. Look, look. He's got a red suit. He's got a beard."
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"You know, it's all right for you not to believe in me."
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"- I do care! - Maybe a game of charades would be fun."
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"But don't tell me I don't care!"
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"It's all right. I'll be..."
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"Say..."
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"...do you like that new putter your wife got you for Christmas?"
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"Harry..."
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"...then, yeah. I think you and a couple of others do fit the bill."
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"The power, the spirit."
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"Did I mention the ability to hear the slightest sounds and read thoughts?"
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"- Harry. - Right."
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"You read minds. I forgot."
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"Hey, you."
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"- How's the old man doing? - I don't know."
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"- Why? - I just thought, you see..."
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"- What's going on here? - Is this where we get the rubber hoses?"
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"...Mary Elaine Montgomery."
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"For example, I know that your mom and dad..."
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"- Yeah? How do you know? - How did I know your name?"
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"How do I know that your secret desire is to be loved..."
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"How do you know what goes on in other people's heads?"
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"Because I'm Santa Claus."
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"- Dr. Green, what a surprise. - Hello, John."
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"I feel fortunate. We usually don't catch him this soon after Christmas."
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"- You mean this guy's a fruitcake? - Bull."
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"You apologize to him."
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"I ain't saying nothing without my attorney present."
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"Tell him if you're stupid or not."
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"He cares enough to take the time, to risk his health..."
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"Not having to ask?"
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"Okay, you thick-skulled, empty-headed little creep."
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"I am sick of hearing the word "care"!"
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"- Just talk! What are you doing? - Come here."
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"...for ratiocination and self-communion."
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"Yeah."
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"That's what I thought."
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"I feel a little stupid."
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"Ready, John?"
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"Bull."
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"How did you know our names and where we lived and all that other stuff?"
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"Oh, I'm sure there must be."
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"He overheard some policemen talking, perhaps."
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"Or he picked up the phone when we weren't looking..."
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"- Did you see something weird in the hall? - I'll say."
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"- Good evening, Liz. - Hi, Dan."
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"Saw you on the Perry Como special."
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"Sorry. It's my night off."
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"Your Honor, we're ready to begin."
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"I hold in my hand a caseload that would choke a horse."
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"Now, watch. Now, I shuffle up my hands."
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"- I got a little headache too. - Yeah."
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"And then, you gotta guess which hand is the ball in."
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"- Your Honor, we're all set. - Fine."
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"- Which hand? - Your Honor, I don't..."
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"Please guess, or we'll all grow old and die here."
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"- This one. - Wrong."
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"I can see it, you know, kind of in between your fingers there."
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"- Damn. - We didn't see anything."
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"- I didn't see it. It was perfect. - I didn't see it."
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"- Shall I call the first case, Your Honor? - Ready when you are, CB."
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"- Dan, it wasn't that funny. - I know."
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"- Bull. - Right."
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"- Thanks, Harry. - You remembered."
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"- Anything else, Your Honor? - No, thanks, Bull."
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"Don't worry, and thanks again for the nice letter."
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"- Yeah. - A John Doe, Your Honor."
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"He refuses to give any other name other than Santa Claus."
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"- What's the charge? - Trespassing, Your Honor."
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"Security guards at Redfield's department store..."
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"...found him and a couple of other derelicts sleeping there after hours."
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"Your Honor, I object to the prosecution referring to my client as "derelict.""
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"Firing up the old yule log, eh, Mr. Claus?"
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"Well, sure, I had a couple of blasts."
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"Production meetings, toy conventions, zip codes to update."
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"What's the matter? Can't your little elves take some of the load off?"
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"Mr. Claus."
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"Mr. Claus."
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"I want you to know that when it comes to fantasies, legends, myths..."
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"...I don't think there's anyone in the world who believes more than I."
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"Right, Mr. Fielding?"
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"You're a mythical kind of guy, Your Honor."
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"And as a judge, I think we could settle this matter quickly and equitably..."
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"- Elizabeth. - He's right. It would be easier."
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"You're my defense attorney."
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"- Don't you believe that I'm Santa Claus? - Oh, I do. I mean, I would like to."
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"- I really would. - We all would. Believe me."
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"But unfortunately that is part of the price we paid for growing up."
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"Hi."
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"- Hi. - I'm Santa Claus."
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"I'm the Easter Bunny. We'll have lunch."
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"And believe me, boy, Rudolph didn't like that one little bit."
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"That's funny."
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"Carla B., right?"
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"It's a fine line between naughty and nice, isn't it?"
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"That's quite a group of admirers..."
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"- Any more from the police on his identity? - Not yet."
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"He's a cute old guy though, isn't he?"
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"It's funny, isn't it, how he seems to know all of our names."
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"Yeah, it is."
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"- There are nameplates. - Yeah, but..."
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