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Clips from Arrested Development - Family Ties (S03E03)

"What do you say we go up to my room and seal the deal?"
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"You're stayin' here, huh? I was actually hoping to get into your business tomorrow."
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"It would give you a chance to meet everybody in the office."
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"'Cause you're gonna be working for the whole staff."
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"- You're gonna be filling three openings. - Oh!"
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"who weren't that pleased to meet her."
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"That's exactly why I hired her... to help out with the finances."
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"She's absolutely amazing at that stuff. Right? You do do finances and stuff, right?"
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"- I do all sorts of scenes. - There you go. Okay, guys."
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"Don't be afraid to put her in any position that you want, okay?"
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"Dave, you give her access to everything, okay?"
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"I want you guys to think of her as Nellie Bluth, all right?"
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"In fact, we should probably get an I.D. With that printed on it, okay?"
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"But she did have a list of "won'ts.""
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"We're gonna have some ground rules first, okay? No!@%$#"
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"!@%$ing or!@%ting."
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"And no!@%$#% unless you're wearing a!@%$#."
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"Or you!@%$#% before you!@%$ me."
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"And if this winds up on the Web, I will!@%$ you in the!@%."
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"Our computers don't even work on the Internet."
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"Who's first?"
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"I thought maybe tonight we could pop in an!@%$#%@! in the old DVD player..."
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"and sit and watch it, maybe just the two of us, husband and wife?"
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"You know, that's what makes it funny."
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"- I'm worried you're taking this too seriously. - Are..."
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"Just the opposite."
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"What the hell is that?"
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"I bought you a wedding ring... tone."
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"Opposite of serious."
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"And Michael was getting an update on how his newest employee, Nellie..."
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"was working out."
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"Really? And all the guys like her, huh? That is... That is great."
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"Uh, you mean "away" though, right?"
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"Because otherwise it sounds a little different."
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"But, uh, that's, uh... that's outstanding."
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"But, uh, listen, let me call you back in a bit, okay? Bye."
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"Nellie has blown them all away."
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"You've given her access to everything... the banking... and for what?"
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"You're basing this on the fact she shares a name with someone you played with as a baby."
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"Lindsay, I can tell that it's real."
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"We're twins. You didn't give me access to the banking."
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"No, you just... you'd go out and you'd just whore it up, Lindsay, you know?"
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"She's different. She's a little bit more like me."
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"- It's like we finish each other's... - Sandwiches?"
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"- Why would I say... - Sandwiches?"
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"- So I guess you haven't told Nellie what you're thinking. - No, I have not."
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"I want to make sure she trusts me, especially since Dad is probably setting her up."
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"But I might want to hurry with that operation because she's charging us a fortune..."
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"and she's got this old boss that's claiming he wants a percentage."
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"Yo, man, you owe me money. I ain't no dummy."
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"And it better be soon, or you're gonna feel my hand up your!@%$#."
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"So Nellie wants to meet me tonight for drinks. Maybe I'll tell her then."
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"That's funny. I'm going out tonight for drinks too... with an exciting new man."
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"Really trying to make that marriage work, aren't you?"
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"I stand corrected and disgusted."
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"And Michael arrived for his meeting with Nellie."
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"- Are you Michael? - Yes."
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"- There's a nellie at the end of the bar wants to see you. - Great. Thank you."
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"- Oh, it's Tobias. - Michael."
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"Look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight."
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"I-I think I-I see what's happening."
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"- You're meeting girl-Michael at the bar? - It was her idea."
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"She wanted to get a drink, and I know it's crazy."
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"I mean, I'm married. And the carbs."
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"- You read my mind. - Oh, God. Here she is."
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"That guy."
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"- No, that's her. - Him?"
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"That's a girl."
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"I-I think the name Michael is making you look for a man."
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"- No, I meant girl-Michael. - I'm gonna leave you two alone."
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"So nice to meet you, girl-Michael."
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"I was thinking that we could meet down here."
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"- I've always been mildly attracted to you. - What?"
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"Let's face it. There's no denying that there's a heat between us."
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"- I'd like to deny that. - I know you feel it too... this burning desire."
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"I-I-I don't feel anything. I-I feel a burning mutual respect."
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"I've got an outfit that's gonna turn that respect into something fun."
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"- Don't touch that light! - What?"
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"This is what happens when you steal from Frank's stable without payin'."
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"- Pimp? You mean that she's a... - Lady of the evening."
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"Working girl. She turns illusions for money."
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"And that's when Michael recognized the voice."
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"- Tricks. - Wait a minute."
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"Franklin is Frank?"
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"Michael had just discovered that his brother..."
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"was the pimp for the woman he thought was his sister."
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"What the hell is going on? Nellie is not a prostitute."
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"Of course she is. Oh, but I can see what the misunderstanding is."
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"You didn't know. Maybe we can give him a family discount!"
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"Family discount is right. This is the sister that I've been talking about."
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"Maybe I should've been getting a family rate. Oh, my God!"
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"- How do you know her? - Met up with her after a show."
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"- And you did things with her? - He didn't."
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"- I did. - Well, if you consider crying like a girl doing something."
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"Look, I could use a man's voice on the phone, and I like your little puppet show."
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"I mean, obviously I'd take some of the cry out of that."
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"But I am not a pimp, Michael."
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"and I collect my 10%."
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"Yeah, that's a pimp, and our sister is a prostitute."
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"- I'm your sister? - I think so."
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"I found you in my dad's computer."
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"I thought that maybe he was embezzling money and taking advantage of you."
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"- And that's why I hired you to do your work at the office. - Oh, my God."
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"Wait a minute. What... What kind of work did you do?"
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"No wonder they were so happy."
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"- I'm so embarrassed! - Nellie, hang on a second."
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"You know, Gob, this might be that sign from God that you should change your ways."
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"Downstairs, meanwhile, Lindsay arrived at the bar for her date."
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"- Michael. Oh, my God! My husband! - Oh, my God! My wife!"
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"- How dare you! - How dare you!"
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"- And with another man! - And with another woman!"
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"We're a happily married couple."
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"Well, you're still gonna have to pay Frank."
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"It is Nellie, and I found her."
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"That's your sissy cousin Larry."
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"Even then we knew. That's why we called him Nellie."
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"Do you not know that expression, Michael? I thought we were on the same page here."
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"It's a nice try, Pop, but in your old computer I found a Nellie."
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"You're tryin' to tell me that that is not my sister?"
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"Yes. It's perfectly innocent. She's my prostitute."
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