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Clips from Seinfeld - The Pez Dispenser (S03E03)

"Don't applaud when she stops playing the first time. It's not over yet."
Seinfeld
"I really resent that. That's directed at me, isn't it?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, God."
Seinfeld
"Something I said?"
Seinfeld
"Oh. Oh, John. Oh, hi, John."
Seinfeld
"I was just at this recital..."
Seinfeld
"...and Jerry put this PEZ dispenser on my leg..."
Seinfeld
"...and I just started laughing."
Seinfeld
"- Jerry's in there? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"- I heard you guys broke up. - We did. We're just hanging out."
Seinfeld
"Really? Boy..."
Seinfeld
"...you really look great."
Seinfeld
"Oh, thank you."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Richie? He's been doing comedy in L.A. for a couple of years."
Seinfeld
"He's kind of messed up on drugs."
Seinfeld
"I don't know what to do."
Seinfeld
"Have you thought about an intervention?"
Seinfeld
"- What's that? - You get all his friends in a room..."
Seinfeld
"...and they confront him to try to get him into rehab."
Seinfeld
"Well, he'd never listen to anyone."
Seinfeld
"Except, of course, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"He'd listen to Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Jerry would have to be involved."
Seinfeld
"He really respects Jerry."
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry, George. I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"What did you put the PEZ dispenser on her leg for?"
Seinfeld
"- I don't know. It was an impulse. - What kind of a sick impulse is that?"
Seinfeld
"How could I know she'd start to laugh?"
Seinfeld
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am."
Seinfeld
"- Could we go in already? - What are we gonna tell her?"
Seinfeld
"- I'll tell her I was the one who laughed. - No, don't say a word."
Seinfeld
"If she thinks my friends are jerks, then I'm a jerk."
Seinfeld
"Remind me to talk to you about something."
Seinfeld
"- What about? - Hey, we're discussing something."
Seinfeld
"I know, but I'm distracted now."
Seinfeld
"All right, tell him."
Seinfeld
"When I was outside, I ran into John Mollica."
Seinfeld
"- Really? John Mollica? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Cut to the chase?"
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. - What are you, Joe Hollywood?"
Seinfeld
"A lot of people say it."
Seinfeld
"I would lose that."
Seinfeld
"Lose that? That's not a Hollywood expression."
Seinfeld
"Yes, it is."
Seinfeld
"So John told me that Richie is in town from Los Angeles..."
Seinfeld
"...and he's really messed up on drugs."
Seinfeld
"So I told him he should do an intervention."
Seinfeld
"- Really? An intervention? - We got a situation over here!"
Seinfeld
"- But he wants you to be a part of it. - Why me?"
Seinfeld
"He says Richie really respects you, and he would listen to you."
Seinfeld
"These things are really hard to load."
Seinfeld
"All right, okay. All right, I'm going in."
Seinfeld
"- We got to talk about this. - All right."
Seinfeld
"Hi. Hi. Hi."
Seinfeld
"- You were wonderful. Wonderful. - No, no."
Seinfeld
"You play a hell of a piano."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I was really moved. Really moved."
Seinfeld
"Didn't you hear that person laughing?"
Seinfeld
"I couldn't play. I was humiliated!"
Seinfeld
"I'm sure it wasn't at you."
Seinfeld
"Well, then what was she laughing at?"
Seinfeld
"- PEZ? - No, thank you."
Seinfeld
"Did you see her?"
Seinfeld
"Me? No, I..."
Seinfeld
"Anyone who would laugh at a recital..."
Seinfeld
"...is probably some sort of lunatic, anyway."
Seinfeld
"I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant."
Seinfeld
"Well, you know, maybe some mental defective..."
Seinfeld
"Even if this so-called mental defective did put something on her leg..."
Seinfeld
"...she's still the one who laughed."
Seinfeld
"I'll never forget that laugh for the rest of my life."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure she would apologize if she could."
Seinfeld
"...maybe against every fibre of her being."
Seinfeld
"If she wants to continue to have a fibre of her being, she'll be very careful."
Seinfeld
"- Don't hit me. - Stop it."
Seinfeld
"All right. So you ready?"
Seinfeld
"We'll go out, and we'll have a bite to eat."
Seinfeld
"- We'll be outside. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"It was nice meeting you."
Seinfeld
"By the way, how do you warm up your fingers before you play?"
Seinfeld
"I just crack my knuckles."
Seinfeld
"Come on, we'll have a good time."
Seinfeld
"- Well, I'm really not in the mood. - Come on..."
Seinfeld
"I said, I don't feel like it."
Seinfeld
"All right..."
Seinfeld
"I'll-I'll call you."
Seinfeld
"I'll call you, and we'll talk on the phone."
Seinfeld
"Have a telephone communiqué."
Seinfeld
"So, fine. Everything's fine. Everything good?"
Seinfeld
"Okay. Okey-doke."
Seinfeld
"A few years ago, the comedy club had a softball team."
Seinfeld
"Kramer was our first baseman."
Seinfeld
"Anyway, this one game, we came back to win from, like, eight runs behind."
Seinfeld
"So Kramer says to Richie:"
Seinfeld
"Why don't you dump the bucket of Gatorade on Marty Benson's head?"
Seinfeld
"- The club owner. - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"So Richie goes ahead and does it."
Seinfeld
"- So? What happened? - What happened?"
Seinfeld
"The guy was, like, 67 years old. It was freezing out."
Seinfeld
"- ...he was dead. - Shut up."
Seinfeld
"But Richie was never the same."
Seinfeld
"- What about Kramer? - He's the same."
Seinfeld
"Are you sure you want me, John?"
Seinfeld
"I mean, I haven't spoken to Richie in two years."
Seinfeld
"I don't have a good apartment for an intervention."
Seinfeld
"The furniture, it's very nonconfrontational."
Seinfeld
"All right, all right. Goodbye."
Seinfeld
"Remember Richie Appel?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, sure. The guy I told to pour the Gatorade that killed Marty Benson?"
Seinfeld
"Right. John Mollica is organizing some kind of intervention for him."
Seinfeld
"What do you think, it's like a poker game?"
Seinfeld
"- Is Elaine going? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
"Well, I knew him as well as she did."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, but John invited her."
Seinfeld
"So wait, you don't want me to intervene?"
Seinfeld
"No, intervene, go ahead. Intervene all you want."
Seinfeld
"I'm just afraid you might be interfering while we're intervening."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah? - It's George."
Seinfeld
"Come on up."
Seinfeld
"Stop smelling your arm!"
Seinfeld
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