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Clips from How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Romance (S05E05)

"I couldn't be more unhappy."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"That's why the book says, "Never sleep with a guy on the first date.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Because thanks to Ted's book... - That's Robin's. It's Robin's book."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Say yes! Say yes! - Look, Don, listen,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Thank you, Michael."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I mean, she seemed fine after the breakup."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"But, yeah, I caught her crying a couple times."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED: And then Marshall realized what a jackass he'd been to Robin."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Exactly. Barney's dating again and he couldn't be happier."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm not talking dinner and a movie."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"If you want my help, it's a superdate."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Gooey and romantic?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BARNEY CLEARS THROAT)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"She was totally psyched for it, like an hour ago."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Wait, but that would mean... Oh, no."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Take a look at yourself, you dumb slut."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(SOBBING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(GUN CLICKING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, stop that. I'm serious. Ask me for anything."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"ENGLISH - US - SDH"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"OLDER TED: Kids, on a warm March evening in 2010,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"a New York City Police boat"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"pulled a 34-year-old white male out of the Hudson River,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"your Uncle Barney."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All right, kid, let's hear the story, from the beginning."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, it all started a week ago."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I was making time at the local watering hole."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Enter, a dame."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Nothing sexier than a man in a fine cravat."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Except for a woman who appreciates a fine cravat."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"How about we just call it a tie?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(BOTH LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- You see, a cravat is a kind of tie. - I get it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Anyway, next thing you know, I get her back to my place."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Barney, when I get in bed with a man, my body becomes a machine,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"fueled by desire and lust"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and a singular hunger to satisfy my lover's every carnal need."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Good thing the cleaning lady's coming tomorrow."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Well, good night. - What? Wait, what?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"fueled by desire, lust,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and a singular hunger to satisfy my every carnal need?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"No."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(ALL LAUGHING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You know, I really think that Don and I are hitting our stride as a news team."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"MARSHALL: Yeah. DON: Well, all credit goes"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"to this lady on my left."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Well, come on. - That story you did on which rodents"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- to avoid on the subway... - The answer may surprise you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's all of them."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I got to run, okay? - Okay."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- LILY: Well, bye. - I'll see you. It's good to meet you."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, you too. Okay. Bye, Don."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(LILY SIGHS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Okay, Robin, that guy is awesome."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"He's funny. He's smart. He's handsome."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You got to scoop him up before someone else does."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I hope you're not talking about you?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It has been four months since you broke up with Barney."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Maybe it's time to put yourself back out there."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yeah, exactly. Barney's dating again, and he couldn't be happier."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"All night long, she's hot and heavy for me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I get her back to my place, and she just bolts?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I mean, at least, when I run out on a girl,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I have the common courtesy to sleep with her first."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- It's called manners. - Sounds like she read that book,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Of Course You're Still Single. Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, it... It's this book that helps single girls find a husband."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's Robin's copy. I've just... I've leafed through it a little bit."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is that right? Well... - LILY: Really?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Men Are From Mars... - Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Barney, when you were with this girl,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"did she suddenly slip the word "sex" into the conversation?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I'm in the inter-sex-tion, and I only have a couple of sex,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"before the light changes. Anyway, everyone's honking at me."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And it totally sex. But, I can't turn around, because a jogger slipped"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"and fell in horse sex-crement."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Go on. Go on."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Did she make excuses to establish physical contact with you?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Is this cashmere? - Cashmere?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(SCOFFS) This is handspun virgin Merino."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The fibers in this suit are less than 12 microns thick."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Twelve microns?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"I love a tiny fiber."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Well, you're in luck. 'Cause mine's the tiniest."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And the more you touch it, the softer it gets."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(MOANS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- She did that, too! - Now, here's the final test."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Next time you see her, ask her out for the following night."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"The book says that's forbidden."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"So, she'll probably give you some lame excuse,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"like this, " Oh, I can't do anything tomorrow tonight,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""I've already made plans to clean my garbage disposal"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""and treat myself to a bubble bath."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
""But how about next week some time?""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Aha! You're trying that, Of Course You're Still Single."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut crap on me!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"It's not crap!"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Of Course You're Still Single. Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"is a brilliant book."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"And, it scares away guys who are only interested in getting laid."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Why not just say you have a kid?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"You'd be surprised how many jerks there are out there."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Totally. - "Or the second date.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Of course. - "Or the third date.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Would you tell me how many dates? - Seventeen."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(STUTTERS)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Excuse me, is anyone using this?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(EXHALES)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Yep. Here it is. "No sex until after 17 dates.""
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Barney, if you're not gonna take her out on 17 dates,"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- I think you should just give it up. - ROBIN: Hmm."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, no. I'm not the one who's gonna give it up, she is."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"...I can stay two steps ahead of her at all times."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"There's a loophole in here somewhere, and I'm gonna find it."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"(TELEPHONE RINGING)"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Hello? - Hey, Robin."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Oh, hey, Don."
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"Listen, do you want to go out Saturday night?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
"- Saturday night? - Is he asking you out?"
How I Met Your Mother (2005)
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