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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Mister Softee (S08E08)

"Well, listen, I hope you'll excuse me."
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"You know when you were a kid walking with your mother through bohack's,"
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"you saw your teacher and you had to realize she didn't live in school?"
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"You know what I mean? Nice to see you."
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"I have no idea what you're talking about."
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"What happened was I was in a softball game"
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"Again with the softee theme..."
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"And a ground ball went through my legs."
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"What's the big deal? We're just on line."
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"And then that night I was in bed with a woman"
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"and I heard the softee music again and I couldn't perform."
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"- She called me Mr. softee. - She did?"
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"Yes. - My advice is don't try too much at once."
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"I had a client once, he was a rock guitarist."
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"He played for the band, what was the name of it?"
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"Grand funk railroad. I don't want to reveal his name because..."
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"I already told you he played for grand funk railroad."
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"You can just look it up. It's Mark farner."
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"The great thing about Mark farner was"
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"he didn't mess around with all the extraneous notes."
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"Yup. - ...And that's what I want you to try."
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"I find it a little troubling that you told me his name,"
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"because now you could be telling people my name."
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"It was merely an accident."
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"I don't want this accident to happen with me."
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"I completely understand. And I don't think it will happen with your name."
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"- Have you talked about me to anyone? - Of course not."
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"I would never do that to you or any other patient, Larry."
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"Wow."
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"- Bill Buckner. Oh my god. - Yeah, how are you doing?"
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"I can't believe it. I had an incident at a softball game"
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"that was very similar to what you went through."
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"in front of millions of people, but nevertheless"
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"a ball went through my legs and cost us the game."
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"It was humiliating and people were insulting me."
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"- I'm sorry to hear that. - I can't believe I'm seeing you here."
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"How did you deal with all that stuff?"
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"You know, when you're giving your best effort, it's a team game, those things happen."
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"You've just got to forget about it."
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"Jeez, you have a really good attitude."
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"I'd love to talk to you about this. Do you got a minute?"
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"You know, actually I was about ready to take a break for lunch, yeah."
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"- Can I walk out with you? - Yeah, sure."
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"Oh, okay, I've just got to get mookie's autograph."
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"- I'll get it for you. - Oh great, thanks."
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"So I saw this commercial last night."
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"Michael Jordan had a Hitler mustache."
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"You know what? I think that's true."
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"What jerks, huh?"
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"- You stink! - Oh, so do you!"
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"Hey, don't worry about it, Larry."
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"So how long you gonna be around for?"
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"You want to go take in a couple of Broadway shows?"
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"There's a good one called "next to normal""
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"Could I interrupt you? I've got an emergency."
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"Listen, I have a problem upstairs. We're doing a kaddish"
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"and we need one more guy to fill out the minyan."
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"- What's a minyan? - A minyan... when a Jewish person dies"
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"- you need to have 10 men in a room to say a prayer. - It'll take 10 minutes tops."
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"- I got my friend here. - He could come along. It's a free lunch."
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"You could have a little sandwich while you're watching."
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"We've got to get to the cemetery. What do you think?"
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"Have you ever had Jewish food before?"
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"Koufax gave me some kishka one time."
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"- ( Laughs ) okay. - So we can go then?"
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"- All right, fine. Come on. - Let's go."
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"- Great news. The minyan is complete. - Hello."
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"A nice Jewish gentleman has volunteered."
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"- I'm gonna give you both... - Sorry about whatever happened."
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"I don't really know, but somebody obviously died."
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"We all have to go at some point."
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"Excuse me. What?"
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"You never know. Crazier things, right?"
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"Terribly sorry. Are you bill Buckner?"
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"- Yeah. - Herman here is from Boston."
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"- I'm terribly sorry. - Are you serious? Are you for real?"
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"Larry, don't worry about it. Hey."
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"- They can't help themselves. - You're damn right."
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"Don't let the door go through your legs on the way out, Buckner."
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"- What a jerk. - I only regret I can't ruin your life before you leave."
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"- Herman: It should have been three. - It should have been three."
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"I hope there is no afterlife. I hope there's no afterlife."
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"Sorry. Hey, Larry, what about the kishka?"
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"To hell with the kishka. Come on."
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"( Doorbell rings )"
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"- Hey. - Hello."
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"- Come on in. - Hi, lar."
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"Hey. Friend of mine. You might know him."
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"- Does he look familiar? - Very familiar."
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"Who..."
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"How did I not... oh my god."
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"- Come into our home. - Played for the Dodgers,"
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"- the cubs, the Red Sox. Anybody else? - Nice to meet you."
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"Angels too? How about that?"
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"- Yes, I got it. - This view is awesome. Unbelievable."
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"We met at a baseball card show."
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"What were you doing at a baseball card show?"
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"What was I doing? 'Cause somebody has a loving wife"
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"and I picked up a little something for somebody's birthday."
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"- Come on, let me see. - Guess whose name is on there."
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"- Guess whose name. - Whose name is on there, huh?"
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"- Who's your fav? - Mookie Wilson?"
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"Do you have the most thoughtful wife in the world?"
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"- Thank you. - It wouldn't have happened if I didn't go to the show."
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"- It was my idea. - Yeah, I did go pick it up."
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"- You want to see it? - Yeah, let me see it. Let me see it."
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"- Hey, buck, catch. - Susie: What?!"
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"- Jeff: What are you doing? - Susie: What the fuck?"
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"- Hey, I'm sorry. Sorry. - Susie: What happened?"
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"- Bill: I missed it, I'm sorry. - Susie: It's in the middle of the street."
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"- What? No. - Why'd you throw it to him?"
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"Hey, buck, come on. It was a good throw. You bobbled it."
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"- It was mookie Wilson, Buckner! - Ooh, mookie Wilson."
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"- Yeah. - What'd mookie do?"
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"- All he hit was a shitty ground ball. - Get the fuck out!"
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"Get out, both of you. You ruined the gift."
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"- What happened? It was right in your hands. - That was a horseshit throw."
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"Come on, it was in your hands. How could you miss that ball? Are you serious?"
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"- Shit happens, Larry. - "Shit happens"?"
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"I thought you were a baseball player."
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