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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Mister Softee (S08E08)

"You can't catch a goddamn toss?"
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"- Wow, that was great, huh? - That was really good. Thank you."
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"So did you drink enough to want to come back to my apartment?"
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"- ( Laughs ) yes, I think I did. - Really?"
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"Fantastic. Tonight I'm gonna bring it."
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"The only problem is the car. The seat..."
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"I just got it out of the shop and it wasn't fixed."
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"- Yeah, you can sit in it. - It's fine. Whatever. It's just a car."
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"I'll put the TV on. We'll start watching TV as if we're gonna watch TV."
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"But I'm really gonna try and put moves on you"
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"You're not allowed to just say, "hey, let's have sex.""
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"- You've got to go around it... - ( Gasping )"
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"Like you're doing something else so you fool the woman."
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"- Yeah. - It's like a magic trick. It's sleight of hand."
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"The TV kind of diverts your attention"
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"from what the real agenda is."
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"Anyway, I don't know. Do you like... I got some mixed nuts."
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"- Do you like a mixed nut? - Mm-hmm, yes. Yeah."
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"People like a mixed nut. Although when I opened up the mixed nuts"
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"they had put some dried pineapple in there."
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"Are you kidding me with the pineapple?"
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"The dried pineapple is destroying mixed nuts."
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"- Do you like chips? - Yeah yeah."
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"- Do you like a dip as well as a chip? - Yes! Yes!"
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"- You like a chip and a dip? - Yes!"
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"- Bad news, I have no dip. - ( Moaning )"
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"I am so sorry."
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"- I am completely dipless. - ( Panting )"
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"Oh my god, is this a parking space?"
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"Ho ho ho!"
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"This is my lucky day."
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"Unbelievable."
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"Would you mind driving me home?"
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"What?"
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"I'm kind of done. I think I need to call it a night."
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"- Drive you home? - I mean if it's okay."
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"I'm just kind of ready for bed, you know?"
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"- I'm ready to do the job. - I'm sure you are."
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"- I'm sure you are. - And I have this theory."
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"Like for golf, when I have a bad round,"
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"I hit the low point. Like, I hit the low point the last time."
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"And now I know that I stink."
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"And when I feel I stink I'm good."
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"Well, let's go for it another night."
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"All right. ( Sighs ) I'll take you home."
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"No man would ever change his mind, I'll tell you that."
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"I'm very curious to know why she would do that."
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"Why? I'll tell you why. Because when you're impotent, women treat you like a leper."
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"You tried to put a noodle in a woman? Women hate that, man."
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"- You're making a little sense. - I'm making stupid sense."
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"Huh?"
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"A bill from the therapist?"
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"I think he charged me for talking to him at the card show."
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"That's something you got to handle, man. You know?"
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"( Seat rattling )"
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"( Exhales )"
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"You know what? I think I figured this shit out."
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"- You mean like a horse? - This chair is a fuck machine."
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"Man cannot compete with machinery."
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"No wonder why she didn't come upstairs."
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"You're damn right. She was coming downstairs."
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"- You get it? - She was coming downstairs."
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"- Yes, I get it. - Getting her shit off."
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"Whatever the fuck you do, you keep her out of this damn car."
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"You know what this car is?"
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"This car is the other fucking man."
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"- Larry: Ah. - Larry."
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"- Hi. - Hi."
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"I know I don't have an appointment now,"
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"Am I to understand that you charged me"
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"- Is that possible? - Well, yes it is."
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"Well, let me just point out to you, Larry,"
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"that sometimes when people suffer with what I might call"
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"the more dramatic forms of narcissism,"
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"they have a hard time gauging how long they've been talking"
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"about their problems or themselves."
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"Are you saying I'm a narcissist?"
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"Larry, maybe I can help you understand this way."
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"I had a client. He was quite an illustrious well-known director."
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"I don't want to reveal who he was, but he did direct "star wars.""
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"And he enjoyed"
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"in his repertoire of things that he liked"
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"Now in that particular situation,"
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"if he were to hire a prostitute, let's say for an hour,"
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"which was normal for him... - you might as well call him George Lucas."
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"I mean, that's who directed "star wars.""
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"- I would never say that. - You just told me who it was."
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"Now one of the things that he needed to complete his work..."
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"Everybody knows who directed "star wars.""
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"Not everyone is in show business, Larry."
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"- Okay, go ahead. - My point is..."
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"- god knows what you're saying about me. - No one asks about you."
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"I merely said a well-known director. And here's my point."
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"He used to frequent prostitutes."
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"which was their minimum, but it only took him"
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"three or four or maybe five minutes"
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"to complete the shot, if you understand what I'm saying."
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"However, they considered it fair and he considered it fair"
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"to pay them for the full hour. That was the way they did business."
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"First off, I'm appalled by what you just said to me."
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"It's supposed to be confidential."
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"It's merely by way of illustration."
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"My point is that people need various things to help them function."
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"And my hope was that I was doing that for you."
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"Well, it's good to see you."
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"Yes, and congratulations, doctor."
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"Well, it's somewhere between a hobby and a profession"
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"for me just as it is for them."
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"- Mm-hmm. - Good seeing you."
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"Okay."
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"Whew. You know what?"
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"Let me go in and give it a shot with the glasses on."
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"I really don't think it's gonna work."
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"Give me that bill, man. Fucking around."
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"Dr. thurgood, allow me to introduce myself."
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"- A pleasure. - See you again I hope."
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"- Take care. - You too. Bye, Larry."
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"He tore the bill up, threw it in the garbage. Done."
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"- What? You're kidding. - No, I'm not kidding."
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"- I told you. - It's a miracle."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
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