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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Mister Softee (S08E08)

"- You want to take a ride? - Where we going at?"
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"- I want to talk to this therapist. - Let's do it."
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"Mmm. Mmm."
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"What's with you?"
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"She was getting her rocks off in this damn chair."
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"- Look at me. - Really?"
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"She is cheating on you with this fucking chair."
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"but I got a bill in the mail today."
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"Dr. thurgood, we spoke for all of three minutes."
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"to see prostitutes."
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"Well, I would never say that."
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"I merely alluded to the fact that he was a well-known director."
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"I didn't ask about George Lucas but you just brought him up."
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"And very often he would hire them for an hour,"
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"I think you've stumbled upon the perfect analogy"
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"for exactly what you do."
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"- Let me go give it a shot. - Go ahead, give it a shot."
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"Mr. black, really a pleasure to meet you."
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"- ( Door closes ) - ( chuckles )"
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"- He gave you this? - No, I stole it."
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"Give me a fucking ride. What's the matter?"
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"- You know what? I've got it. - Okay, what?"
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"Sit in the back seat. I'll give you a limo ride."
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"Larry, I don't want a fucking limousine! Just open the fucking door."
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"- All right, you drive. - I don't want to drive!"
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"I ask for a little ride across town."
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"- ( Gasping ) - ( groaning )"
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"No."
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"- ( Moans ) - ( groaning )"
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"- ( Chimes playing ) - what the fuck, Larry?"
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"- What the hell did you do? - Oh my god."
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"- It was your fault. - It was not my fault."
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"- Yeah. - Susie: Oh my god!"
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"Jesus, what the hell is going on over here?"
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"- Hey, buck. - Hey, Larry."
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"My hotel is just right down the street and I was going for a little walk."
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"Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like that in my life."
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"Go for a really long drive."
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", ( theme music playing )"
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"You know, these buses come by. Everybody makes such a big deal about eating outside."
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"Hey, do me a favor and remind me to pick up my glove later. I'm getting it restitched."
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"Okay. - You're wearing gloves? It's the middle of summer."
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"- No, my baseball glove. - Susan: Oh, baseball."
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"We're playing for the championship. Are you not listening?"
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"- Susie: That's true. - Hey, do you want to come?"
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"No, I don't like baseball."
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"- I'm a little surprised. - Why?"
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"You I can understand. You've been married a long time."
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"You could care less about what he does."
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"And when you first start dating you always do things that are distasteful."
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"- That's part of the process. - Fish and chicken."
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"We're splitting that so it really doesn't matter."
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"Okay, how about I give that to you?"
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"And chicken. Enjoy."
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"- That looks good, Jeff. - How do you want to work this?"
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"- I'm gonna keep the chicken. - You can't keep the chicken. We said we're gonna split it."
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"Look, you brought the fish into it. I'm saying no."
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"- That's completely unethical. - Honestly, Larry, this is why he's a good manager."
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"You should be thankful he's unethical. He's unscrupulous."
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"- You want some of my salad? - Oh my god."
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"- This is amazing. - It looks really really good."
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"I'm not even joking. It's fantastic."
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"- Just a little taste? - Nope, you made a mistake."
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"- You're so lying. - No, I swear to god."
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"- What did you learn? - I'd rather keep it to myself."
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"Know something? I've learned a valuable lesson today too."
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"- It's a coincidence. - Speaking of lessons, I'm so sorry..."
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"I have to go. I have a piano lesson."
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"Good luck at your wiffle ball game or whatever."
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"- Softball. - Okay, thanks."
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"Bye. - See you after the game. See you Thursday."
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"- All right, take a shower. - Call me."
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"- Is she a great girl? - She's great."
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"She likes you, which is a shocking thing to me."
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"- She might. - No, she's going out with him again."
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"- Can I say something? - What?"
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"- I've got to pee. - She gets me."
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"Well, you're lucky somebody does."
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"Larry, favor. Jeff's birthday is coming up."
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"Mookie Wilson is gonna be there."
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"( Chimes playing )"
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"Lar. Lar."
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"Larry! What happened? Where'd you go?"
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"- I'm sorry, what? - Mookie Wilson."
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"Can you get mookie Wilson to sign this for Jeff's birthday?"
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"- Yeah, mookie's his favorite player. - Yeah. '86 mets."
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"Larry: I like her, but she's got a kid so what's gonna come of it?"
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"What's the point of the whole thing?"
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"she's married."
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"- Mathematics of that is confusing, isn't it? - Yeah."
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"Anyway, so we were at this restaurant,"
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"all of a sudden I heard this softee music."
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"The Mr. softee truck."
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"- The music from the Mr. softee truck? - Yes."
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"When I was a kid I had a traumatic incident"
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"involving Mr. softee."
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"Two, three, four, five."
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"All right, Larry, what do you got?"
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"I've got two pair."
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"Wow, that's pretty good. But not good enough."
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"Yeah, that's right. All right, come on, take it off."
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"( Door opens )"
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"What the hell are you doing with my daughter?"
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"Come here. Come here."
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"Father: You be quiet and you listen to me."
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"- What the fuck? - Your vagina is showing."
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"Oh my god. He's got more pubes on his fucking head."
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"You forgot something, kid."
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"What the fuck are you doing, kid?"
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"whenever I see the softee truck"
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"or especially hear the music, that music"
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"that goes in a continuous loop..."
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"( Vocalizes tune )"
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"You know what I'm talking about?"
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"It's deeply disturbing, there's no question about it."
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"But let me just make sure I understand."
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"You felt humiliated as a result of the strip poker game?"
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"Yes. Do you mind if I put my feet up here?"
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"- Please. - You sure?"
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"- No, it's fine. - A lot of people don't like it."
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