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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Spite Store (S10E10)

"two similar stores right next to each other,"
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"(theme music playing)"
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"-Now we're gonna bend it. -Anyway, the guy in the motorized wheelchair,"
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"he's on line at my store--"
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"-Aah, that's plenty. Yeah. -Right there. Okay."
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"And all of a sudden, he gets beep panic,"
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"-and rolls right into me. -Seiderman: Unbelievable."
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"Okay, so here's the bottom line with your knee. Okay?"
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"-Larry: Yeah. -You have a tear in your meniscus."
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"You know, if you want to fix this thing once and for all, you need surgery."
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"-Uh-huh. -All right? I go in there,"
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"I, uh, I repair the tear in your meniscus,"
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"you're back home the very same day."
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"You'll be in bed for about a week."
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"Okay, then we'll get you on crutches."
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"Then after about two months of intensive everyday rehab,"
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"you'll be back to normal, good as new."
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"-How does that sound? -Not so great."
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"You could do other techniques, but you're gonna be"
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"right back in this chair in a few months, I guarantee it."
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"What if I got a..."
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"second opinion?"
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"-Why? -Just to see..."
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"what somebody else might have to say about it."
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"If you want to get a second opinion, by all means."
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"It's your right. I encourage it."
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"Oh, okay. So we're cool, then?"
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"Yeah, Larry. I'm cool."
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"Get your second opinion. Let me know how it goes."
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"You know, a lot of people are gonna say to me,"
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""You should get a second opinion.""
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"So I can say, "Yeah. I got a second opinion.""
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"So it's just so you can tell your friends you did it."
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"It's not even saying it to my friends."
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"It's saying it to my late mother."
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""Larry, what are you doing?"
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"Get a second opinion. Are you stupid?""
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"-Why do I need to hear that? -Yeah, you don't wanna hear that."
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"-No. Even though she's dead, I need to shut her up. -Got it. All right."
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"-Um, you can validate your parking up front, there. -(clattering)"
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"Careful. Uh..."
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"-Larry! -Larry: Joey!"
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"-How's it going? -Not terrible."
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"How's your, uh, coffee shop doing?"
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"-Doing quite well. -Really?"
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"-You think I'm gonna turn down a Funkhouser? -Larry!"
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"-Yeah, of course. Come on. -Yeah, that'd be great."
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"Thank you, really. Terrific. I can't wait to start."
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"-All right, well, maybe even, uh, maybe even tomorrow. -Perfect."
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"-Joey? -Mm?"
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"What's going on over here?"
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"You're waiting for it to get hot?"
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"-I don't think you respect the drought. -I do respect the drought."
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"I do respect the drought. I--"
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"-Whoa. -What?"
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"What?"
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"-Woo! Whoa! -Okay."
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"Joey!"
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"Yikes."
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"Yeah, I wanted to,"
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"you know, follow in the Funkhouser tradition of penises."
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"Can you handle, uh, something like that?"
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"-I've had no complaints about it. No complaints. -No complaints."
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"Okay. All right."
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"-Enjoy your big penis. -(laughs): I am."
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"-We'll be in touch about the store. -Yeah. I'll call--"
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"I'll call you, and you just let me know"
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"-All right. Thank you, Larry. Okay. -Excited to have you."
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"-Country club shit right here. -Yeah."
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"How you, uh, doing? What's going on?"
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"Uh, I just saw Joey Funkhouser's new penis."
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"-Who? -Jeff: Marty Funkhouser's daughter"
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"-Oh, wow. -Yeah."
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"Had the surgery, and, uh, it's big."
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"-Leon: Mm. -How big?"
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"-Really big. -Wow."
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"-Did you see the balls? -No."
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"look at the scrotum at all."
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"So wait a minute. This is what happens at country clubs?"
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"White guys walking around showing each other their johnson?"
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"No, no, no. I saw it in the bathroom."
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"He was wearing a terrycloth robe."
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"He turned and the robe opened up."
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"People don't tie robes properly."
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"-Jeff: They do not. -They're very cavalier about a robe, you know?"
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"You can't just fling one side over the other."
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"-Cinch your robe. -Cinch your robe."
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"It's so big there's no way he can fit in underwear."
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"-You can't. -Right?"
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"Everybody in the big johnson community knows that."
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"-Larry: There's a big johnson community? -Of course there is."
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"We meet once a month. We talk about the pitfalls of having a big-ass johnson."
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"I've had several at the house."
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"You... You've had a big johnson meeting at, at the house?"
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"When you're fuckin' out of town, the whole community shows the fuck up,"
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"-Do you have officers? -Fuck, yeah, we do."
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"My man, Horse Cock Williams."
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"Look, I don't have a big penis,"
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"but I'd like to see if I could join the big johnson community."
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"How are you getting in the big johnson community"
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"without a big johnson? What--"
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"I know somebody there who could vouch for me."
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"What do you mean, vouch for you? They, they, they gotta look at it!"
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"You can't just show up. You gotta flash that motherfucker at the door."
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"-Yeah. See? -Well, what happens if I get caught?"
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"They'll throw you out of there by your little-ass johnson."
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"Larry: But maybe this would be a good thing for Joey,"
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"because it's way too big, and he can't handle it."
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"big problems with that penis."
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"Big."
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"To be honest, I always tell people"
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"they can fix up the house. I don't--"
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"Hey, Larry! (chuckling): Hey!"
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"Larry David. Hey."
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"Great news."
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"I am the listing agent of the house next to yours."
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"Ka-ching! Ka-ching! (chuckles)"
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"-Make some money on that one, right? -Yeah."
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"Okay. You know, I should buy it myself,"
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"so I can avoid asshole neighbors."
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