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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - The Spite Store (S10E10)

"Look, aw, look at-- This is so exciting!"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"-I think so, too. -Yeah."
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"Hey, any of you guys want ginger ale?"
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"turn off the lights, lock the doors."
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"-(keys jangling) -Leon: Hey. We got that big johnson meeting tomorrow."
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"♪ ♪"
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"(beeping)"
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"(flames whoosh)"
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"(horn blares)"
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"You guys make me sick!"
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"(flames whooshing)"
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"(horn blaring)"
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"Fireman: Get a line on that fire!"
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"No, no. It's my store!"
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"all the tables were bolted to the floor."
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"And you had Purell on every table,"
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"but we couldn't find them."
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"-Yeah. -I don't get it. I don't get anything with this place."
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"♪ ♪"
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"Hi, Larry."
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"Right, right. You're 100 percent right. I'm sorry."
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"Hey, Larry. We're having a party."
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"-Mocha Joe: A luau! -Alice: Isn't that right, Bogie?"
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"Larry David is back in the news again."
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"That's right, the co-creator of Seinfeld"
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"has returned to his contentious ways,"
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"Here's NBC's Josh Mankiewicz with more."
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"Look, we've all experienced bad service before,"
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"but for most of us, there's not much you can do about it."
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"Maybe write a negative Yelp review,"
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"But Larry David has chosen a different path."
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"This is Mocha Joe's,"
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"a small coffee shop serving the Westside of Los Angeles,"
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"and this is Latte Larry's."
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"Why two coffee shops right next to each other?"
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"We went to the man himself for answers."
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"I was wronged. I was mistreated."
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"I ordered a cup of coffee next door,"
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"at this Mocha Joe's, and, Josh,"
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"the coffee is cold."
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"I politely asked for another cup of coffee."
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"He banned me from the store. I couldn't live with it."
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"So you're operating this place just out of spite?"
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"Yeah. It's a spite store."
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"I called him an old, bald nut. I mean, I cop to that."
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"complains about the tables, complains about the coffee."
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"Do you have wobbly tables?"
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"Eh, one or two. But what's the big deal? You put your foot on it."
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"Nobody else is complaining."
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"If he apologized,"
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"would you get out of the coffee business?"
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"If it was a deep, heartfelt apology,"
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"with maybe a little tear--"
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"That would have to be included, of course."
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"Okay, Larry says that if you would just apologize..."
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"-(laughs) -...he could get out of business."
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"Apologize? Me? Never. A ban is a ban."
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"You ever think that maybe the problem is,"
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"you were complaining too much?"
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"I don't like to tear people down. I want to help."
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"Look, this pocket square you got going, there,"
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"it looks out of place."
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"You don't think that's kind of insulting?"
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"No, not in the least."
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"Hey, if you told me you didn't like my jacket or something,"
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"well, I, I wouldn't care."
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"Actually, I, I really don't like your jacket."
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"Oh, is that so?"
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"And while Larry was the first to open a spite store,"
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"he's since started a trend here in Hollywood,"
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"with other celebrities following suit,"
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"like Jonah Hill,"
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"who's now operating a spite deli."
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"Hill: So, you know, I used to go to Irv's Deli,"
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"right next door, two, three times a week."
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"And I found a hair in my sandwich."
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"This was a gray hair. It wasn't my hair."
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"And this guy Irv's going, "Oh, it's yours.""
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"And I'm, like, what can I do, you know?"
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"I, I can't sleep. I'm taking four or five Ambien to get to sleep,"
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"'cause all I see is this guy Irv's face."
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"The idea of a spite store's such a brilliant idea."
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"Mankiewicz: What started off with spite"
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"Thanks for dining with us."
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"Three dollars?"
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"And you're turning down acting and directing gigs for this?"
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"What's left for me in Hollywood?"
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"Win some award or something, you know?"
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"it's like my own tiny little human Oscar walking in here."
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"So this is your life now?"
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"I might actually open"
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"a spite deli out in New York."
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"There was a spot on 42nd Street"
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"that was a bit disrespectful that I'm looking at taking out."
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"Jonah Hill is not the only celebrity with spite on his mind."
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"This is Ray's Exotic Birds,"
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"It's become the place"
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"to get a macaw, or a hummingbird nester."
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"-(birds squawking) -I had always wanted a talking bird."
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"So I go to Ray,"
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"just next door,"
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"and he sells me the bird."
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"And the bird doesn't talk. It just sort of grunts."
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"So I go back to return it. He says, "No returns.""
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"I said, "Bullshit.""
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"'Cause he knew, he knew it was a mute bird."
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"And I'm on a kind of slow burn,"
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"not knowing quite what to do."
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"Then Larry opens up the coffee place,"
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"and it was like, ding, ding, ding."
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"Sean's Exotic Birds."
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"It put Ray right out of business."
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"Here, this is a hyacinth macaw, from Brazil."
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"Sure."
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"Does all the time you're spending here"
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"take away from, you know, acting?"
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"I was never a very, Zen sort of personality,"
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"but I find myself very, very calm now."
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"I think, you know, it's the birds."
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"So the next time you see"
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