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Clips from How I Met Your Mother - The End of the Aisle (S09E09)

"I lied. Barney said it was in Marshall and Lily's basement."
How I Met Your Mother
"But do you still want to finish your little pigeon story?"
How I Met Your Mother
"The mama pigeon gets killed by a cab."
How I Met Your Mother
"Barney still goes to the park every day to feed the babies. The end."
How I Met Your Mother
"Tell me the truth."
How I Met Your Mother
"Okay. I tracked it down, and I gave it to Barney to give to you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Honestly, it was no big deal."
How I Met Your Mother
"- How did you find it? - Pshh."
How I Met Your Mother
"How does anybody find anything?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It might be in your pencil box. It's not."
How I Met Your Mother
"You swing by your ex's storage locker on the opposite coast. It's not there."
How I Met Your Mother
"You learn Victoria has it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake."
How I Met Your Mother
"You dive in, make it home in time forJeopardy!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ease to the pease. Happy wedding."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're seriously questioning our wedding vows?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Us?"
How I Met Your Mother
"- Uh, we're adorable. - We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch."
How I Met Your Mother
"Your little prewedding wedding, out by the tree?"
How I Met Your Mother
"You said some very sweet stuff. Hell, Ted even cried."
How I Met Your Mother
"Heh. Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"But later, at the actual wedding..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Lily Aldrin, I vow to be there for you in sickness and in health."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hate to tell you, Lilypad..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...but Marshall has since confessed to me that en route to your honeymoon..."
How I Met Your Mother
"[LILY RETCHING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"[MARSHALL SNORES]"
How I Met Your Mother
"LILY & MARSHALL: You son of a bitch."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know I'm not a vomit guy."
How I Met Your Mother
"I thought I should give you your space, like a dying cat."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Yeah, that saves it. - I'm so sorry I let you down."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hang on there, Marshmallow."
How I Met Your Mother
"Remember when the blushing bride said:"
How I Met Your Mother
"I vow to honor and respect you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe she was blushing because she was lying her ass off."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not two months later..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Hey. Not cool."
How I Met Your Mother
"You will not take a picture of my husband like that."
How I Met Your Mother
"[BARNEY & TED LAUGH]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Lily, that photo got all over Friendster and MySpace and..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Man, 2007 was a long time ago."
How I Met Your Mother
"I can't believe how much trouble you went through to get this for me."
How I Met Your Mother
"You always go big for me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Not as big as Barney. Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice, big."
How I Met Your Mother
"- The way he proposed, huge. - Yeah, but think about it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Those are the most loving things Barney's done for me..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...and they're all based on lies."
How I Met Your Mother
"Which he did without blinking an eye. Because lying is second nature to Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"Everything's legendary."
How I Met Your Mother
"You know what "legendary" means? Not real."
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, the man's initials are "B.S.""
How I Met Your Mother
"Well, if it helps, I'm pretty sure "Barney Stinson" is a fake name."
How I Met Your Mother
"I'm kidding."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're the one who always comes through for me, Ted."
How I Met Your Mother
"The one who's there for me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe I'm making a mistake."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait, what are you saying?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe I should be marrying you."
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait. I know one vow we kept."
How I Met Your Mother
"I vow to make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning."
How I Met Your Mother
"Really? You still do that?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Absolutely."
How I Met Your Mother
"[MARVIN CRYING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"MARSHALL: Heads up!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Aw, you feed her like Sloth from Goonies. So the magic's still there."
How I Met Your Mother
"I vow to keep the romantic spark alive."
How I Met Your Mother
"And how is that going for you these days?"
How I Met Your Mother
"MARSHALL: Are you watching Marvin? I'm trimming my nose hair."
How I Met Your Mother
"LILY: I'm dumping out."
How I Met Your Mother
"LILY: I don't control when my deuces happen, Marshall. Deuces are wild."
How I Met Your Mother
"[BARNEY SNICKERING]"
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...I should be with you."
How I Met Your Mother
"The words that some deep, dark part of me always wanted to hear."
How I Met Your Mother
"But it's funny, once you actually hear those words out loud..."
How I Met Your Mother
"You and me, right now. We'll move to Chicago. We'll start a new life."
How I Met Your Mother
"It'll be painful, but I can root for the Blackhawks."
How I Met Your Mother
"Stop. Stop. You're just saying this because you're scared."
How I Met Your Mother
"I am not your future. Barney is."
How I Met Your Mother
"Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket?"
How I Met Your Mother
"I mean, look me in the eye and tell me, why shouldn't I be with that guy?"
How I Met Your Mother
"Because I'm not that guy anymore."
How I Met Your Mother
"Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket?"
How I Met Your Mother
"It was a wedding gift."
How I Met Your Mother
"Ted, stop it, okay? I know you better than that."
How I Met Your Mother
"- This is more than a wedding gift. - Maybe it started out that way."
How I Met Your Mother
"- Maybe some part of me thought... - That you still loved me."
How I Met Your Mother
"Maybe."
How I Met Your Mother
"But the truth is, I don't love you like that anymore."
How I Met Your Mother
"And you don't love me. You love Barney."
How I Met Your Mother
"And if you think I would ever be part of screwing that up..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin."
How I Met Your Mother
"[SIGHS]"
How I Met Your Mother
"I can't shake it."
How I Met Your Mother
"I can't shake this feeling that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense."
How I Met Your Mother
"But love doesn't make sense."
How I Met Your Mother
"You can't logic your way into or out of it."
How I Met Your Mother
"Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it..."
How I Met Your Mother
"Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's just true."
How I Met Your Mother
"You love Barney. And he loves you."
How I Met Your Mother
"And that doesn't have to make sense..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...to make sense."
How I Met Your Mother
"Remember back when you'd never even seen me pee?"
How I Met Your Mother
"MARSHALL & BARNEY: Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, sorry."
How I Met Your Mother
"- We were so innocent then. - So many dreams."
How I Met Your Mother
"Now we're basically a couple of wild animals grunting at each other..."
How I Met Your Mother
"...to throw some toilet paper through the crack in the bathroom door."
How I Met Your Mother
"Baby, let's be honest. At this point, that door is wide-open."
How I Met Your Mother
"Know what you should use next time you run out of toilet paper? Your vows."
How I Met Your Mother
"Because that's all your marriage has been."
How I Met Your Mother
"One long six-year wipe after that double-flusher of a wedding."
How I Met Your Mother
"Stinson out."
How I Met Your Mother
"- You okay? - Yeah."
How I Met Your Mother
"You're right. I'm being insane."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, come on, Robin. That's accurate."
How I Met Your Mother
"[CHUCKLES]"
How I Met Your Mother
"- We can't run away together. - Heh. Of course not."
How I Met Your Mother
"Oh, whoa!"
How I Met Your Mother
"Wait, what are we doing here?"
How I Met Your Mother
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