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Clips from M*A*S*H - To Market, to Market (S01E01)

"Uh, listen. Idon‘t like to bring it up, but——"
M*A*S*H
"— Come on, Charlie. What is it? — Lately I‘ve been getting a grab right around here."
M*A*S*H
"— Right up here? Does it run down the arm? — Yeah. Right there. Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"— How‘s that? — You know what that is? Tension. Pressure."
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah. Yeah, it is. — Charlie, you should take long weekends, try some golf"
M*A*S*H
"— Yeah, have a little drink before dinner. — It‘ll help?"
M*A*S*H
"— Well, it wouldn‘t hurt. Hey, I love that sweater. — Alpaca."
M*A*S*H
"— For Charlie Lee, nothing but the best. — Very nice."
M*A*S*H
"There‘s been a heist, two shipments ofmedical supplies."
M*A*S*H
"but they cleaned us out of hydrocortisone, and that we need, bad."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, I‘m sorry. We made a deal this morning."
M*A*S*H
"— Ten thousand bucks? — Tell you what."
M*A*S*H
"|shou|dn‘t do this. You meet that offer, and I‘ll kill the other deal."
M*A*S*H
"Charlie, where are we gonna come up with that kind ofscratch?"
M*A*S*H
"Look. We‘ll give it to you in trade. Free hospitalization."
M*A*S*H
"— Appendix operations. Nosejobs. — In my organization,"
M*A*S*H
"we already have a health plan, including retirement benefits."
M*A*S*H
"I got it. We‘ll swapyou something. We can get our hands on all kinds ofequipment."
M*A*S*H
"— Wow. —I bet he gives a year‘s guarantee on parts and labor."
M*A*S*H
"This is only the showroom. The real stuffis in the warehouse."
M*A*S*H
"Lookit, fellas. I‘d like to go along with you, but I‘m a businessman."
M*A*S*H
"You know what, Charlie? There is."
M*A*S*H
"Something there‘s only one of in all ofSoutheast Asia."
M*A*S*H
"prestige."
M*A*S*H
"A man of your importance shouldn’t be sitting behind a piece of furniture like this."
M*A*S*H
"The moment somebody walks in that door, theyshould know they’re in the presence..."
M*A*S*H
"of nothing but the best."
M*A*S*H
"You should ha i/e something at least I 00 years old,"
M*A*S*H
"something that represents dignity, roots, solidity."
M*A*S*H
"Agenuine American antique desk."
M*A*S*H
"Wait till Henry gets a load ofthose stars. You‘ll have to beat him offwith a stick."
M*A*S*H
"— Which way to the desk? — In there. Henry‘ll be the one with the furniture polish."
M*A*S*H
"_ [H - Sir? enry]Hmm?"
M*A*S*H
"Sir, there‘s a general to see you."
M*A*S*H
"— [Drawer Slams] — [Cries Out] Oh, God!"
M*A*S*H
"So grand to meet you, Colonel Blake."
M*A*S*H
"We didn‘t have any luck in Seoul, Henry, but the general was kind enough to drop us off."
M*A*S*H
"— He‘s on an inspection tour. — You tell truth."
M*A*S*H
"Well, anything I can do to make you comfortable, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Well, that‘s why we can‘t be too careful these days. — Oh, no, no, no, no."
M*A*S*H
"You can‘t be too careful."
M*A*S*H
"Well, here we go. Little hair from the dragon, as it were."
M*A*S*H
"General. Cheers."
M*A*S*H
"L ’chayim."
M*A*S*H
"— You have nice office. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, you know quality."
M*A*S*H
"— Oak. — Nope. It‘s oak."
M*A*S*H
"— [Charlie] Handmade. — [ Henry ]And it’s handmade. You know what that means?"
M*A*S*H
"— Not made injapan on assemblyline, huh? — Right."
M*A*S*H
"Tell me, Henry. Just out ofcuriosity,"
M*A*S*H
"how did you get a desk that big into this office?"
M*A*S*H
"— The top comes off. - Ohh."
M*A*S*H
"[ Both] The top comes off."
M*A*S*H
"—Waita minute, Colonel. — I‘m a major."
M*A*S*H
"— Want to be a colonel, huh? — What do you mean by that?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, forget it. Forget it. Want to buy a good watch?"
M*A*S*H
"Cheap. Fourteen karat. Swiss movement."
M*A*S*H
"No, I don‘t wanna buy any watches."
M*A*S*H
"You get this vehicle out of here. Idon‘t want to see it oryou when I come back."
M*A*S*H
"You gave me the straight poop. It‘s a deal. The hydrocortisone for the desk."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘ll have a truck in front ofthis building at 0600. —Okay."
M*A*S*H
"— But the desk better be here. — Oh, yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Because ifit‘s not, the truck takes off, and | sell to my other buyer."
M*A*S*H
"— It‘ll be here. —I don‘t know how you guys are gonna pull this off."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Engine Starts] — That makes two of us."
M*A*S*H
"Three of us."
M*A*S*H
"What kind ofa man wears wristwatches on his leg?"
M*A*S*H
"I think we should tell the colonel."
M*A*S*H
"- It‘s 0500. — Okay. Thanks. Get lost."
M*A*S*H
"Hey. Come on. We gotta get moving."
M*A*S*H
"— | wasjust having—— —I don‘t care who you were having. Come on."
M*A*S*H
"Come on."
M*A*S*H
"[Straining]"
M*A*S*H
"[ Exhales] These things were really built to last."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s that lousy good craftsmanship."
M*A*S*H
"—I heard a noise—— — | wasjust checking to see if——"
M*A*S*H
"— Funny, isn‘t it? — What?"
M*A*S*H
"Us. You, me... meeting like this."
M*A*S*H
"— 0h, Frank. — May| sayyou look very lovely,"
M*A*S*H
"— / just washed it. It must look a mess. — It‘s beautiful."
M*A*S*H
"— Margaret? — Yes?"
M*A*S*H
"Do you know what I love most about you?"
M*A*S*H
"Tell me."
M*A*S*H
"Your lobes."
M*A*S*H
"— They drive me wild — Oh, be wild, Frank. Be wild."
M*A*S*H
"— The supply tent. — The supply tent. Yes, yes, yes, honey."
M*A*S*H
"—I think I‘m gonna be sick. — That may have turned me off permanently."
M*A*S*H
"[jiggling Lock]"
M*A*S*H
"We‘re locked in!"
M*A*S*H
"How does a guy who‘s so bad with a needle always know right where tojab us?"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t know."
M*A*S*H
"— [Winding Crank] — Radar‘d better have the key to this vault."
M*A*S*H
"[Engine Revving]"
M*A*S*H
"— Nope. - Hurry up. The truck 7/ be here soon."
M*A*S*H
"— [ Truck Approaching] — I think wejust passed “soon.“"
M*A*S*H
"— What do I do now? — Get your fanny out there and hold that truck."
M*A*S*H
"What good is holding the truck when we can‘t even get the desk out of here?"
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t confuse me. I can only handle one catastrophe at a time."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s Radar!"
M*A*S*H
"My boss say, “Ifdesk not ready, cut out fast.”"
M*A*S*H
"Okay, but my boss say, “Please wait.” Come on, buddy."
M*A*S*H
"Five minutes. It isn‘t gonna cost you anything to give ‘em a little——"
M*A*S*H
"To give them a little what, Corporal? I said, “To give them a little what?”"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, some more duck sauce for his egg roll, sir. The colonel has to be kept happy."
M*A*S*H
"— You‘re lying, Radar. - Sir?"
M*A*S*H
"I happen to know the colonel despises duck sauce on his egg roll."
M*A*S*H
"Major, you‘re absolutely right."
M*A*S*H
"Actually, sir, he‘s with the CIA, and he‘s on a case at this very moment."
M*A*S*H
"| see."
M*A*S*H
"that tried to sell me a watch yesterday."
M*A*S*H
"— I‘d like to get a good look at your legs. — Uh, one ofthose, huh?"
M*A*S*H
"You get this truck offthe base in the next 60 seconds,"
M*A*S*H
"oryou‘ll be showing your watches to the M.P.s!"
M*A*S*H
"M.P.s? Ah, yes, sir. Maybe another time. Got to solve big case."
M*A*S*H
"— And you get back to headquarters! — Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"[ Door Closing Engine Re Wing, Vehicle Departing]"
M*A*S*H
"We started without him."
M*A*S*H
"[Grumbles]"
M*A*S*H
"Forget it. The truck‘s gone."
M*A*S*H
"— The major ordered him out. — What are we gonna do? We can‘t carry this thing to Seoul."
M*A*S*H
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