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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Grasshopper Experiment (S01E01)

"Friday works for me."
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"In the meantime, keep it real, babe."
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"You may now thank me."
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"For what, making me sound like a Simpsons character?"
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"Look on the bright side, she might turn out to be a nice, beautiful girl."
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"Great, we get married, I won't be able to talk to her..."
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"...and we'll spend the rest of our lives in total silence."
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"- Hi, guys. - Oh, hey."
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"I need guinea pigs."
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"Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try."
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"But if your research is going to have human applications, I suggest white mice."
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"I swear to God, Sheldon, one day, I'm gonna get the hang of talking to you."
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"His mom's been saying that for years."
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"- What's up? - Well, I convinced the restaurant..."
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"...to give me a bartending shift so I need to practice mixing drinks."
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"Oh, well, great. The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition."
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"Suicide, for example."
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"Penny, we'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now."
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"And besides, he doesn't drink, so...."
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"Really?"
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"Um...."
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"Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking."
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"Okay, here you go, Leonard. One Tequila Sunrise."
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"- Thank you. - Mm-hm."
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"...interact in a cylindrical container."
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"Thank you."
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"Okay, Raj, what'll it be?"
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"Whatever you recommend."
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"How about a Grasshopper? I make a mean Grasshopper."
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"- Sheldon, what are you gonna have? - I'll have a Diet Coke."
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"Okay, can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks."
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"Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre."
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"That's rum and Coke without the rum."
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"Yes."
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"So Coke."
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"Yes."
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"And would you make it diet?"
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"There's a can in the fridge."
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"A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge."
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"Bartenders are supposed to have people skills."
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"Okay. Raj, here you go."
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"All right. Who's next?"
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"Okay, you're cut off."
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"Anybody need a refill?"
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"Where did my life go, Penny?"
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"One day I'm a bachelor, and the next I'm married..."
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"...and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi."
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"Are you talking to me?"
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"I had such plans. I had dreams."
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"I was going to be the lndira Gandhi of particle astrophysics."
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"But with a penis, of course."
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"It's amazing."
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"Ever since I was a little boy..."
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"...my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him."
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"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye."
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"You know what? I'm not going to let my parents control my future."
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"Somebody give me a computer with a Webcam."
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"Okay. Sweetie, I think that's the Grasshopper talking."
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"It's about to tell my parents..."
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"...that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta."
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"Okay, calm down."
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"Why don't you meet this girl, see what happens?"
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"Haven't you been listening? I cannot talk to women."
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"- Raj-- - No, no, let's see how long it takes him."
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"Raj, honey..."
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"...you say you can't talk to women but you've been talking to me."
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"And now we'll never know."
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"You're right. I--"
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"I am talking to you."
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"Hello, Penny. How are you?"
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"I'm fine."
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"Okay, now, I need to make sure I have a Lalita..."
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"...before I meet the Grasshopper."
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"It's a sweet green miracle."
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"If you're gonna drink on this date, just promise me you won't overdo it."
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"Overdo what?"
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"Happiness?"
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"Freedom?"
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"This warm glow inside of me that promises everything's going to be all hunky dunky?"
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"Yeah, that."
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"Why don't you bring her to my restaurant so I can keep an eye on you?"
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"Okay."
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"What's the plan? Let's say he meets her, he likes her, they get married."
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"What's he gonna do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?"
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"It worked for my parents."
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"I can't believe I'm sitting here next to little Lalita Gupta."
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"Well, you are."
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"Little Lalita."
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"That's kind of fun to say."
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"Little Lalita, little Lalita, little Lalita."
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"- You should try it. - Oh, it's okay."
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"You have lost so much weight."
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"That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat."
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"- Yes, I do. - Of course you do."
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"Who could forget being that fat?"
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"Well, I've been trying."
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"- So you're a dental student? - Hmm."
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"Mm! Are you aware that dentists have an extremely high suicide rate?"
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"Not as high as air traffic controllers, but there are far more dentists..."
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"...than air traffic controllers, so in pure numbers, you're still winning."
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"Yay, me."
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"Do you have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious?"
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"Drinks do not work that way."
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"I'd say he's doing fine. Look at her."
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"The last girl my mom set me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail."
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"- Sorry I'm late. - What happened?"
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"Nothing. I just really didn't wanna come."
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"- Okay. - ln a tall glass with a lime wedge."
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"Oh, I'll wedge it right in there."
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"So how's Koothrappali--?"
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"Oh, my Lord."
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"- What? - That's Princess Panchali."
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"I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita."
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"No, no. Princess Panchali from The Monkey and The Princess."
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"Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online but they wanted my credit card."
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"It's a children's story."
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"When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time..."
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"...my mother would read it."
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"It's about an lndian princess who befriends a monkey..."
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"...who was mocked by the other monkeys because he was different."
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