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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Grasshopper Experiment (S01E01)

"- So are you boys academics like our son? - Yes."
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"- Oh, yes. - Not at all."
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"...Indian parents continue to have an involvement in their children's love lives."
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"- I bet they love Scrubs. - What's not to love?"
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"Just give it to me. Sh."
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"I'll call you with a time and place."
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"- Next time, make your own date. - Didn't wanna make this one."
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"It worked for my parents."
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"Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours."
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"With certain obvious exceptions."
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"So, Leonard, how about it?"
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"Okay? Good, coming up."
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"Then swim to Cuba."
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"I'd like to try a Slippery Nipple."
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"Is there another Penny here?"
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"It's time for a showdown."
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"No one can make you get married."
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"Do you remember?"
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"Virgin diet Cuba Libre, please."
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"Oh, no, it isn't."
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"How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?"
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"Every day at Disneyland."
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"Isn't it great? She isn't fat anymore."
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"...and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips."
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"We are, for all purposes, 100 percent hooked up."
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"- Screw Panchali. - You can't talk to me like that."
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"I play golf with her father. I won 't be able to look at him."
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"Who is it? We can 't see."
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"Go ahead, tell my parents why they won't have any grandchildren."
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"Friends don't do that to each other."
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"- Sorry. - "Sorry"? That's all you can say is "sorry"?"
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"I'm not an alcoholic."
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"Okay, well, good night."
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"Why would I see her again?"
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"Damn you, WalletNook.com."
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"Problem?"
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"The online description was completely misleading."
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"To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards."
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"But they don't tell you, the removable lD takes up one slot."
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"It's a nightmare."
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"Okay, now, do you really need..."
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"...the honorary Justice League of America membership card?"
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"It's been in every wallet I've owned since I was 5."
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"Why?"
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"It says, "Keep this on your person at all times.""
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"It's right here, under Batman's signature."
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"And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apartment."
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"Guess whose parents just got broadband."
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"Leonard, may I present, live from New Delhi, Dr. and Mrs. V. M. Koothrappali?"
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"Hi."
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"Tilt up the camera. I'm looking at his crotch."
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"Sorry, Papa."
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"- Oh, that's much better. Hi. - Hi."
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"- And over here is Sheldon. - Hi."
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"He lives with Leonard."
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"Oh, that's nice. Like Haroon and Tanvir."
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"No, not like Haroon and Tanvir."
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"MRS. KOOTHRAPPALl: Such sweet young men."
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"They just adopted the cutest little Punjabi baby."
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"Yeah. No, we're not like Haroon and Tanvir."
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"Your parents are comfortable with limited earning potential?"
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"Papa, please don't start."
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"What? It's just a question. He's so sensitive."
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"That's my life, my friends. Good to see you. Say bye."
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"- Bye. - Bye-bye."
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"DR. KOOTHRAPPALl: Wait, wait."
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"Before you go, we have good news."
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"Put the computer down and gather your friends."
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"- What is it, Papa? - I don 't see your friends."
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"Is it just me or does web-chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?"
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"Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta?"
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"The little fat girl that used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable?"
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"Yes. Well, now she's a dental student at USC..."
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"...so we gave her your contact information."
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"Why did you do that?"
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"You're 26 years old, Rajesh. We want grandchildren."
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"- But, Papa, I'm not supposed-- - Lalita 's parents approved the match."
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"If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season."
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"A spring wedding?"
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"It's up to you. We don 't want to meddle."
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"If you don ' t want to meddle, why are you meddling?"
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"Your parents don't consider this meddling."
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"While arranged marriages are no longer the norm..."
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"Why are you telling me about my own culture?"
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"You seemed confused."
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"- Sorry, but with all due respect, I don't-- - I'm sorry, darling. We have to go."
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"Doogie Howser is on."
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"Grandma, it's Doogie time."
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"- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye."
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"I don't believe it."
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"Neither do l."
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"Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years."
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"Actually, I read that it's one of the most popular programs in lndia."
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"Might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession."
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"I bet you're right."
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"I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I love that show."
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"Me too. Of course, it speaks to me culturally."
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"Understandable, but there's a universality to that story which transcends ethnicity."
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"Let's not forget it's got some really catchy tunes."
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"- Oh, yeah. - Absolutely."
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"- I know what I'm gonna do. - What?"
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"Find new friends."
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"This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper."
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"Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium."
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"Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-bye."
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"Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop."
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"Oh, dear, I am rightly and truly screwed."
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"I thought you were finding new friends."
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"I've got some feelers out."
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"In the meantime, listen to this."
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"Hi, Rajesh, this is Lalita Gupta."
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"- So call her. - How can I call her? I can't talk to women."
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"I'm done. Anybody else?"
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"- Give me the phone. - Why?"
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"- What are you doing? - Don't worry, you'll thank me."
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"Hello, Lalita? Raj Koothrappali."
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"Yes, it is good to talk to you too."
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"So, what are you wearing?"
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"Oh, not important."
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"So anyhow, when would you like to meet?"
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