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Clips from Son of Zorn - The War of the Workplace (S01E01)

"wrote "swamp butt" on my backpack?"
Son of Zorn
"No, that's a cool thing. That's, like, a compliment."
Son of Zorn
"That's a swampliment."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, look. The only way to deal with a bully"
Son of Zorn
"is to stand up to him."
Son of Zorn
"Like I did, for years, with Vulchazor."
Son of Zorn
"And more recently at work, with the hot sauce fella."
Son of Zorn
"Dad, there's nothing going on here, at all."
Son of Zorn
"[sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"So I suppose "nothing" gave you that black eye?"
Son of Zorn
"[crickets chirping, dog barking]"
Son of Zorn
"Can't I just... stay away from Warren"
Son of Zorn
"until I graduate? Or I could, you know,"
Son of Zorn
"drop out and move to a cabin and do, like..."
Son of Zorn
"I don't know, online sales."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, Alangulon. I know you think you're weak."
Son of Zorn
"But real talk, here... sometimes, your greatest weakness"
Son of Zorn
"can turn out to be your greatest strength."
Son of Zorn
"- Now, prepare to die! - EDIE: Zorn, no!"
Son of Zorn
"Stop the fighting, or I'll kick both your asses."
Son of Zorn
"- Give me that. - Guys, please watch it with your swords."
Son of Zorn
"The wood here is made from reclaimed boats."
Son of Zorn
"Ah, come on! I'm showing the kid how to take someone's life."
Son of Zorn
"I'm not showing him pornography."
Son of Zorn
"Alan is in high school. Not a warzone."
Son of Zorn
"- [gasps] Did someone hit you? - I'm fine, Mom, okay?"
Son of Zorn
"EDIE: Oh, my God, did this happen at school?"
Son of Zorn
"Alan, you have to tell me everything."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, it's a kid in my gym class,"
Son of Zorn
"and we were by the swimming pool,"
Son of Zorn
"There's nothing I can do about it, okay?"
Son of Zorn
"- It is what it is. - Look I don't want to butt in,"
Son of Zorn
"but sometimes the best defense is defense."
Son of Zorn
"[groans] Okay, it's technically not karate, but it's cool."
Son of Zorn
"Now, imagine that a bully just pushed you in the mud,"
Son of Zorn
"and she's coming back to kick you."
Son of Zorn
"All you have to do is get down"
Son of Zorn
"that I like to call "the frightened turtle.""
Son of Zorn
"Craig, that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen."
Son of Zorn
"No, you're lying because there's no actual shell,"
Son of Zorn
"so I know you can't not hear me."
Son of Zorn
"- You're a liar. - Okay. I don't condone fighting,"
Son of Zorn
"but if you're gonna do it, let your mommy teach you."
Son of Zorn
"I have a lot of experience with bullying."
Son of Zorn
"Mostly on the other end, but it still applies."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, come at me. Try to punch me."
Son of Zorn
"What? No. Okay, this is really weird."
Son of Zorn
"Alangulon, you listen to your mother."
Son of Zorn
"You punch her in the face!"
Son of Zorn
"Alan, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just want"
Son of Zorn
"to show you a move... come on!"
Son of Zorn
"I'd actually like to see where this is going."
Son of Zorn
"Just try to punch me. You can't punch me?"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, come on, just try to punch me, just try."
Son of Zorn
"You can't do it... Hyah!"
Son of Zorn
"Oh!"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry."
Son of Zorn
"I... Your dad taught me that move."
Son of Zorn
"The Five Strike Zephyrian Death Attack."
Son of Zorn
"- Well, four strikes of it. - Where was that move when I was"
Son of Zorn
"getting charged extra for cookie crumbles at Mr. Yogurt?"
Son of Zorn
"- Hmm. - Look, I don't want to kill anyone"
Son of Zorn
"by accident, all right?"
Son of Zorn
"Don't want to kill anyone on purpose either!"
Son of Zorn
"And, Craig, I'm not gonna do that stupid"
Son of Zorn
"upside-down turtle thing."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, I'm not a warrior. I don't want to fight anyone."
Son of Zorn
"- Just... - Oh, Alan, I'm sorry!"
Son of Zorn
"and your head will explode."
Son of Zorn
"Well, we should explode your head, Alangulon!"
Son of Zorn
"'Cause it's full of wrong ideas about battling!"
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"What..."
Son of Zorn
"[yells] Zooorn!"
Son of Zorn
"LINDA: I don't want to see you within ten feet of the breakroom"
Son of Zorn
"or any bottle of hot sauce of any condiment of any kind,"
Son of Zorn
"- or any person or office. - Yes, sir. I understand."
Son of Zorn
"I swear to God I'll face another discrimination suit if I have to."
Son of Zorn
"I beat it before and I'll beat it again!"
Son of Zorn
"[sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"[whispering] Zorn!"
Son of Zorn
"- Zorn, it's me. - No, Jakton, please,"
Son of Zorn
"I don't want you to have to see me like this."
Son of Zorn
"Cast from the bullpen into this lonely hallway, all by myself."
Son of Zorn
"Which is, actually, like my own office."
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles] That's pretty sweet."
Son of Zorn
"No, no, this is important."
Son of Zorn
"That guy from the other office... things have gotten worse."
Son of Zorn
"It's not just the hot sauce anymore."
Son of Zorn
"and those little tiny packets of soy sauce!"
Son of Zorn
"He even started taking the cranberry cocktails."
Son of Zorn
"Well, now, hold on, he took our cranberry cocktails?!"
Son of Zorn
"Also, I'm battling a UTI, so I kind of need those."
Son of Zorn
"[knock on door]"
Son of Zorn
"Come in. [door opens]"
Son of Zorn
"Listen, I'm sorry about last night."
Son of Zorn
"I guess I sort of had a flashback to my past."
Son of Zorn
"It was kind of a rush, though."
Son of Zorn
"Remember, I was, like, [exhales sharply]"
Son of Zorn
"with my arm, and then you freaked out,"
Son of Zorn
"- and you were, like, "Aah!" - Yeah. Mom..."
Son of Zorn
"Sorry. Anyway..."
Son of Zorn
"I totally get that you don't want to fight."
Son of Zorn
"- What's this? - It's a note to your gym teacher."
Son of Zorn
"It says you're allergic to chlorine."
Son of Zorn
"So that should buy you a few weeks away from this kid."
Son of Zorn
"Yeah, uh, thanks."
Son of Zorn
"- No! Death strike! - [gasps] Honestly..."
Son of Zorn
"- Want me to look it up online? - That would be great."
Son of Zorn
"Is that blood? Dude, I just drank blood!"
Son of Zorn
"Where is he? Huh?"
Son of Zorn
"Where's the guy who put the blood in my cran-pom?"
Son of Zorn
"Huh?"
Son of Zorn
"Because I'm gonna fill his mouth with blood."
Son of Zorn
"[grunts]"
Son of Zorn
"- I am gonna beat your ass, bitch! - Let's just get to the point."
Son of Zorn
"What, was that supposed to be a joke or something?"
Son of Zorn
"What's wrong, you don't appreciate my sharp wit?"
Son of Zorn
"- Dude, you're not even funny... shut up! - LINDA: Hey!"
Son of Zorn
"Hey! Seriously? Is... Is this about the hot sauce?"
Son of Zorn
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