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Clips from Son of Zorn - The War of the Workplace (S01E01)

"'Cause there's literally three other bottles in the pantry."
Son of Zorn
"Aw, come on, Linda! Everyone knows you don't"
Son of Zorn
"open a new bottle till the old bottle's finished."
Son of Zorn
"- Derek Whitford! - Damn!"
Son of Zorn
"Stephen, it seems as though our employees are having"
Son of Zorn
"a disagreement over something completely idiotic."
Son of Zorn
"- No, it's not! - I... I'm sorry, Derek,"
Son of Zorn
"- apologize to these people. - What?"
Son of Zorn
"What are you doing? No, don't do this."
Son of Zorn
"Don't walk over here, don't look at me, don't..."
Son of Zorn
"- What was that? - Stop. Stop."
Son of Zorn
"I'm begging you, don't do it. Let's just fight."
Son of Zorn
"I said I'm sorry I took your stupid snacks!"
Son of Zorn
"STEPHAN: We're going back to the office right now."
Son of Zorn
"You haven't tweeted from the corporate account in two hours."
Son of Zorn
"[scoffs] Please don't take the high road."
Son of Zorn
"Let's just fight it out. I need this fight to happen."
Son of Zorn
"I miss it so much. Come on back. Come on, come on, fight me."
Son of Zorn
"I'll... use the coat rack, and you can use my sword."
Son of Zorn
"[bell rings] [sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"I gotta say I'm pretty skeptical about this."
Son of Zorn
"But the last time I doubted a kid's note,"
Son of Zorn
"turns out he was being kidnapped."
Son of Zorn
"Anyway, go, uh, run a few laps, then, uh, I don't know,"
Son of Zorn
"jump over a cone or something."
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles]"
Son of Zorn
"[fake gasp] Oh, my God!"
Son of Zorn
"Look at your legs. You're a total freak."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, you know what, Warren? It's genetic."
Son of Zorn
"All right? I'm half Zephyrian."
Son of Zorn
"Whatever you are, I can't wait to tell everyone."
Son of Zorn
"Dude, does your sweat run upwards to avoid your weird-ass legs?"
Son of Zorn
"was she, like, "God, what is that?""
Son of Zorn
"- What? - I said, I wish I could understand you,"
Son of Zorn
"[grunts]"
Son of Zorn
"[chuckles] What are you, my five-year-old brother?"
Son of Zorn
"I'm in my shell! [chuckles]"
Son of Zorn
"Dude, just let this beatdown happen."
Son of Zorn
"[grunts]"
Son of Zorn
"[Warren groaning] What the hell..."
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"Dude, uh, I don't... I'm sorry."
Son of Zorn
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"
Son of Zorn
"I've dishonored myself in battle."
Son of Zorn
"Here, take my sword. [sword clangs]"
Son of Zorn
"Just do it fast, and make it a clean cut."
Son of Zorn
"And please, if you will, see to it that my head"
Son of Zorn
"Do you want me to decapitate you right now?"
Son of Zorn
"Yes, I would like that very much."
Son of Zorn
"- I'm not gonna do that. - Aw, Linda, you suck."
Son of Zorn
"It's like you have this obsession where you"
Son of Zorn
"have to turn every little thing into a battle."
Son of Zorn
"- I know, it's a real problem. - But what you don't realize is..."
Son of Zorn
"there's a high-stakes battle going on all around you."
Son of Zorn
"All right, fine! I'll hear you out."
Son of Zorn
"But then, seriously, after that,"
Son of Zorn
"- you got to cut off my head. - You are a warrior"
Son of Zorn
"for the Kingdom of Sanitation Solutions."
Son of Zorn
"And the theater of war is mall bathrooms,"
Son of Zorn
"restaurant chain bathrooms,"
Son of Zorn
"- convention center bathrooms. - Airport bathrooms?"
Son of Zorn
"- Duh, I think you're getting it. - Dogs."
Son of Zorn
"- No. - Right. Right, right, right."
Son of Zorn
"might be carcinogenic. These are the thrills of combat."
Son of Zorn
"Okay, hold on. So now, you're saying"
Son of Zorn
"if I start doing well at my job,"
Son of Zorn
"I'll have the, um, same satisfaction"
Son of Zorn
"as, like, killing off an entire race of crab people?"
Son of Zorn
"Exactly. [music] That's exactly what I'm saying."
Son of Zorn
"Hey, there he is! The killer!"
Son of Zorn
"The victor! Alangulon the Brutalizer!"
Son of Zorn
"I knew you had it in you, son."
Son of Zorn
"Come on, tell the story, Alangulon."
Son of Zorn
"Dad, I've told it, like, a million times already."
Son of Zorn
"All right, do you want to hear it again? Probably not."
Son of Zorn
"- I, uh, I kicked a fat kid. - You're welcome."
Son of Zorn
"to ensure that future generations will know the story of Alangulon,"
Son of Zorn
"Kicker of Fat Kids,"
Son of Zorn
"- Future Castrator of Craig! - [laughs] Oh, Zorn..."
Son of Zorn
"Oh, no. [strumming lute]"
Son of Zorn
"♪ There was a lad named Alangulon ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Who grew up weak 'cause his dad was gone ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ But now that his father is back, he's strong ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Who is this wonderful man? ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ The greatest father in all the land ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪"
Son of Zorn
"- # Zor... # - CRAIG: # Zorn, Zorn #"
Son of Zorn
"♪ Zorn, Zorn ♪"
Son of Zorn
"♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪"
Son of Zorn
"- # Zorn, Zorn... # [hits] - Stupid Craig! [cries out]"
Son of Zorn
"[panting] Zorn, you are loved."
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"I need you to copy these documents and overnight them, this time."
Son of Zorn
"Wa-Wa-Wait. Hold on. Someone's picking on my son?"
Son of Zorn
"figure out what to get you for our anniversary."
Son of Zorn
"Well, those people are dead now."
Son of Zorn
"[Alan cries out]"
Son of Zorn
"[groaning] My instincts just took over. It was muscle memory."
Son of Zorn
"How did your muscles remember something like that?"
Son of Zorn
"I'd hug you right now, but one more touch from me"
Son of Zorn
"Oh! Ugh!"
Son of Zorn
"is wearing a skull bandana at my funeral."
Son of Zorn
"Well, fortunately for you, I've taken it upon myself"
Son of Zorn
"Boy that we're all very proud of."
Son of Zorn
"[careening]"
Son of Zorn
"but I don't speak whale language."
Son of Zorn
"[horn blares] [whimpering]"
Son of Zorn
"ALAN: Craig, you want to step in here?"
Son of Zorn
"Haver of Sadistic Rage Underneath his Effeminate Exterior!"
Son of Zorn
"Hiya!"
Son of Zorn
"I do it to them, they do it to me."
Son of Zorn
"[screams]"
Son of Zorn
"- His blood! - Looking for me?"
Son of Zorn
"Not to point fingers, but that was the raven's fault."
Son of Zorn
"suppressing reports that say our foam"
Son of Zorn
"You suck!"
Son of Zorn
"on the floor and do a little maneuver"
Son of Zorn
"Ah!"
Son of Zorn