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Clips from Son of Zorn - The War of the Workplace (S01E01)

"If you were, I hope you'd tell me,"
Son of Zorn
"Look, bullies are just insecure."
Son of Zorn
"All you need to really do is just walk up to them,"
Son of Zorn
""You are loved.""
Son of Zorn
"- and I should know. - Were you bullied?"
Son of Zorn
"- I was a bully. - Yeah, I can see that."
Son of Zorn
"[Zorn grunting]"
Son of Zorn
"[deeper voice] Take that! Ugh, I'll be taking these!"
Son of Zorn
"[higher voice] No! Not my children!"
Son of Zorn
"[deeper voice] I will eat each of their fingers in front of you"
Son of Zorn
"and then defecate on your wife's grave!"
Son of Zorn
"[higher voice] Curses... foiled again!"
Son of Zorn
"LINDA: More copying, more collating. Then I have something"
Son of Zorn
"even more exciting for you... stapling."
Son of Zorn
"- Yeah, I did. - Aww!"
Son of Zorn
"- [sighs] All right. - Gotta be kidding me!"
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"[fridge door opens]"
Son of Zorn
"I'm sorry. Do you work here?"
Son of Zorn
"No, man. I work at VitaShock, across the hall."
Son of Zorn
"realize that hot sauce belongs to Sanitation Solutions, yes?"
Son of Zorn
"Relax, bro, it's just hot sauce."
Son of Zorn
"[grunts]"
Son of Zorn
"[war drums, vocals]"
Son of Zorn
"LINDA: Zorn!"
Son of Zorn
"- Copies. - Yeah. Okay, on it."
Son of Zorn
"[war drums, vocals]"
Son of Zorn
"Hot sauce is a precious commodity, Linda."
Son of Zorn
"You can put it on anything. Soup, stew..."
Son of Zorn
"Ugh! This is exactly what happened with Vulchazor."
Son of Zorn
""Vulchazor?" Oh, my God, Zorn."
Son of Zorn
"If this is about Pokémon again, I swear..."
Son of Zorn
"No, it's not about Pokémon."
Son of Zorn
"This is about the most power-hungry tyrant"
Son of Zorn
"- And he took your hot sauce? - No, Linda."
Son of Zorn
"Don't you people read in America? [sighs]"
Son of Zorn
"The New Yorker did a whole cartoon on it."
Son of Zorn
"There are more important things for you to focus on."
Son of Zorn
"- Don't you have work to do? - Yes, it'll take work indeed to recover"
Son of Zorn
"- what is rightfully ours. - Yeah... No..."
Son of Zorn
"- Zorn! Zorn... - Fellow workers..."
Son of Zorn
"woman who sits on ball, [music]"
Son of Zorn
"guy who met David Spade once,"
Son of Zorn
"the office from across the hall has committed an act of war."
Son of Zorn
"They have taken our hot sauce without asking,"
Son of Zorn
"and they have not promptly returned it."
Son of Zorn
"- Not cool! - But there is no reason"
Son of Zorn
"to fret, for I am Zorn, Defender of Sanitation Solutions,"
Son of Zorn
"Future Conqueror of VitaShock across the hall"
Son of Zorn
"and eventual decapitator"
Son of Zorn
"of that guy who works at VitaShock,"
Son of Zorn
"who took our hot sauce!"
Son of Zorn
"[crackling loudly] [music]"
Son of Zorn
"Aah, damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it."
Son of Zorn
"- Sorry about that. - Zorn!"
Son of Zorn
"- Sorry. - LINDA: Zorn... Oh, my God."
Son of Zorn
"MAN: Hello?"
Son of Zorn
"Stay strong, little hot sauce."
Son of Zorn
"- Oh, ooh! Zorn on the horn. - EDIE: Oh, hey."
Son of Zorn
"- Sorry to bug you at work... - Well, you are. You know,"
Son of Zorn
"I'm really slammed right now, Edie. What's up?"
Son of Zorn
"Well, I think Alan's getting picked on at school."
Son of Zorn
"- Yes. - Where does he live?"
Son of Zorn
"Does he have a nervous system, and can he experience pain?"
Son of Zorn
"You're not murdering Alan's bully."
Son of Zorn
"Fine, fine. I'll just torture him."
Son of Zorn
"Ooh! If you could do it without leaving a mark..."
Son of Zorn
"- but we both know you can't. - Okay!"
Son of Zorn
"Got it. So... no murder, no torture."
Son of Zorn
"See, now, this is exactly why I could never"
Son of Zorn
"I know your life used to be full of exciting battles,"
Son of Zorn
"- but those days are over, Zorn. - No, Edie, I don't care about battles!"
Son of Zorn
"That's ridiculous, I can't even... Oh! Hot sauce!"
Son of Zorn
"The battle begins."
Son of Zorn
"So just come over after work, okay?"
Son of Zorn
"And try not to kill anyone. [beeps] God."
Son of Zorn
"Huh. Just as I suspected."
Son of Zorn
"24 hours later, and it's still in the hands of the wretched."
Son of Zorn
"Oh!"
Son of Zorn
"No one wanted this war, but war it must be."
Son of Zorn
"Ooh, hoo-hoo, hoo! Yeah! I can't wait to fight in a war again!"
Son of Zorn
"[grunting]"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, man. I getting a lot of drag up here."
Son of Zorn
"[murmuring]"
Son of Zorn
"[music]"
Son of Zorn
"[laughs]"
Son of Zorn
"Oh, man. Show off those curves, Son of Zorn!"
Son of Zorn
"[laughter]"
Son of Zorn
"You know what, Warren?"
Son of Zorn
"- You are loved. - What?"
Son of Zorn
"- Did you just say "I am loved"? - Well..."
Son of Zorn
"uh, you are obviously acting out of an insecurity."
Son of Zorn
"Uh, you have a T-shirt on,"
Son of Zorn
"and we're about to get in the swimming pool."
Son of Zorn
"- Are you calling me fat? - No! No!"
Son of Zorn
"ALL: Oh!"
Son of Zorn
"Hey! What's with all the shouting?"
Son of Zorn
"This ain't no chicken auction!"
Son of Zorn
"What's going on, some kind of ruckus?"
Son of Zorn
"Swimming."
Son of Zorn
"A lot of people don't take swimming seriously."
Son of Zorn
"Your job is to stay here, keep watch... [music]"
Son of Zorn
"- and reset the router if the Wi-Fi goes down. - Got it."
Son of Zorn
"Just so you know, Jakton, I might not make it back."
Son of Zorn
"- Hell, we all might die today. - Really?"
Son of Zorn
"But in this battle, they can never actually win."
Son of Zorn
"Because you can't defeat an idea. [smooches]"
Son of Zorn
"Just an old man passing through..."
Son of Zorn
"don't mind me, just... passing through,"
Son of Zorn
"Just an old man, standing right here behind you."
Son of Zorn
"Nothing to look at."
Son of Zorn
"Ah-ha! The hot sauce is ours!"
Son of Zorn
"[door closes]"
Son of Zorn
"Did everyone see that?"
Son of Zorn
"I mean, I'm not... I'm not gay. But that guy was naked!"
Son of Zorn
"[laughing] And they cheered for their hero,"
Son of Zorn
"for they knew their burritos would be bland no longer."
Son of Zorn
"- Why'd you have to be naked? - Trust me, there was no other way."
Son of Zorn
"Speaking of a war that'll never end until one man dies,"
Son of Zorn
"your mom tells me you're being teased."
Son of Zorn
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