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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Pants Alternative (S03E03)

"Okay. Your problem is you're trying to do this all by yourself."
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"We could help you. We can be your team."
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"Like Professor Xavier and his X-Men."
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"I do like the X-Men."
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"Did I see X-Men?"
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"Yeah, we watched it last week. You said you liked it."
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"Oh, I say a lot of things, sweetie."
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"So how about it, Sheldon?"
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"Okay, well, I'm gonna take you shopping, get you a nice suit."
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"- Might give you more confidence. - It's not exactly a mutation..."
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"...that would get you into Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters..."
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"...but go on. Leonard?"
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"I thought I could try to analyze you and get to the root of your anxiety."
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"What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind?"
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"My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist..."
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"...and I've been in therapy ever since..."
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"...she accused me of breast feeding co-dependently."
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"And Raj says he can teach you... What did you call it?"
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"I don't know, some Indian meditation crap."
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"I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low..."
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"...you're saving the most impressive contribution for last."
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"Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me."
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"My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn..."
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"...about your piddly-ass problems."
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"And that's 24/7, buddy."
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"And I appreciate the pretense."
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"So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men?"
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"No. The X-Men were named for the X in Charles Xavier."
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"Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men."
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"Oh, that's not a good name."
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"Okay, Sheldon..."
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"...I'm going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises."
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"These methods come from the ancient gurus of India..."
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"...and have helped me overcome my own fears."
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"And yet you can't speak to women."
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"But thanks to meditation..."
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"...I'm able to stay in the same room with them without urinating."
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"Now, ahem, close your eyes."
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"- What? - When I was little my sister would say:"
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""Close your eyes, you'll get a surprise.""
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"And then she'd punch me."
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"- I'm not going to punch you. - That's what my sister used to say."
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"- Look, do you wanna do this or not? - I'm sorry. Proceed."
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"All right, ahem..."
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"- Where is that? - SimCity."
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"More specifically, the SimCity I designed, Sheldonopolis."
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"Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the fighting Sheldons?"
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"Whatever you like."
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"I thought this was supposed to be guided meditation."
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"Really? This time of the year? It's a bit nippy."
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"Then put on a sweater."
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"Suppose I could run downtown and pick up something at Shel-Mart."
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"Yeah. Whatever. Just go buy a sweater."
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"The nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15 percent discount."
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"You own the damn thing, just take a freaking sweater."
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"...by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly."
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"All right."
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"You've paid for a sweater and you're in Sheldon Square."
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"Ahem. Hang on."
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"It's a cardigan, I have to button it."
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"A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city."
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"I have to get my people to safety."
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"People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor."
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"Follow me."
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"If the children can't run, leave them behind."
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"Oh, the simulated horror."
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"Raj?"
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"Just as I suspected."
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"Meditation is nothing but hokum."
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"I question your premise."
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"...in front of a ballroom full of people?"
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"Sometimes when I'm feeling stressed out..."
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"...I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt..."
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"...and I have a whole new outlook on life."
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"Don't you eventually realize you're the same stressed-out person..."
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"...in a cute top or a fun skirt?"
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"Now, let's see what we got."
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"Oh. This is nice."
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"It's only one color."
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"Yes, so?"
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"That's a lot of money for only one color."
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"Fine. Why don't you pick out what you like?"
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"Hmm."
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"This is pretty sharp."
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"No. You're wrong."
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"This is great."
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"I had a suit like this when I was six."
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"Okay, I think we have a winner."
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"- Where the hell did you find that? - In the prom department."
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"It's ridiculous."
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"Says the former member of the corn queen's court."
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"- Please just try this one on? - Okay."
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"But anything I put on now is only gonna suffer in comparison."
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"This is absurd. I look like a clown."
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"So, Sheldon..."
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"...how you doing?"
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"That's how you start a psychotherapy session?"
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"How am I doing?"
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"I was promised a riverboat journey into the jungles of my subconscious."
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"Instead I get the same question..."
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"...I hear from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's."
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"I'm sorry. I'll start again."
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"Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams?"
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"Um... I don't know, maybe."
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"I recently had a dream that I was a giant."
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"But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal."
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"Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?"
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"I was wearing size a million pants."
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"- Why don't we just talk? - Ah. The talking cure."
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"Classical Freudian. Good choice."
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"If it will help speed things along..."
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"...my answers to the standard Rorschach inkblot test are:"
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"A, a bat, B, a bat, C, a bat..."
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"...and D, my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle."
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"Why don't I just start?"
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"Sometimes people have trouble accepting accolades..."
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"...if on a subconscious level, they don't feel they deserve them."
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"Do you think maybe that's what's happening here?"
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"Really, Leonard?"
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"You just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine of the inferiority complex?"
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