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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Pants Alternative (S03E03)

"It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details..."
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"Actually, I guess I misspoke. It's not astonishing."
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"...of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost."
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"Oh, Chancellor Morton, how are you, sir?"
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"Well, you've got that tied up in a neat little bow."
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"- I'm not accepting the award. - Why not?"
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"My vision became blurry, and before I knew it..."
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"Just sit."
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"We think we can help you with your stage fright."
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"I don't know. If you're my X-Men, what are your powers?"
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"Okay, but don't punch me."
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"...imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home."
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"Okay, you're in Sheldonopolis."
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"Where exactly? Sheldon Square?"
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"Fine, you're in Sheldon Square."
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"- Oh, no. - What now?"
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"How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out..."
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"I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci..."
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"Go on."
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"...instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone."
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"If someone as damaged as you can find his way..."
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"She's proud of him."
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"If you look at the relationship between nurturing and growth..."
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"Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?"
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"Hydrogen and oxygen And nitrogen and rhenium"
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"Everybody!"
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"Europium, zirconium Lutetium, vanadium"
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"Penny, Leonard."
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"- What do I search? - It's already loaded. Just hit play."
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"Okay, in Avatar when they have sex on Pandora..."
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"...they hook up their ponytails."
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"So we know their ponytails are like their junk."
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"Yeah. So?"
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"When they ride horses and fly on birds..."
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"- ...they also use their ponytails. - Your point?"
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"My point is if I were a horse or a bird I'd be very nervous around James Cameron."
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"...when there are important things in the world to worry about."
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"For example, why wasn't William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie?"
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"Hey, Sheldon, I was up in the administration office..."
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"...and I happened to overhear the name of the winner..."
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"...of the Chancellor's Award for Science."
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"You wanna rub my nose in the fact my contributions are being overlooked again?"
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"I am the William Shatner of theoretical physics."
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"All right, I'll play."
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"What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?"
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"Oh, I'm so glad you asked it like that. You."
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"- I won? - You won."
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"I won."
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"This is astonishing."
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"Not that I won the award. No one deserves it more."
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"It's more like inevitable."
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"Not sure what to do. Maybe call my mother."
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"Wait. I'm gonna conduct an interview with myself..."
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"...and post it online."
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"Well, good for him."
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"Yeah, the one thing the William Shatner..."
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"Did it look like that spear was gonna go right through your skull?"
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"No."
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"Hey, you didn't want a Slurpee at 7-Eleven, you don't get glasses."
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"Oh. That will be another congratulatory call for me."
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"- Mute, please. - Wait. Hang on. Flaming arrow."
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"Hello?"
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"Yes, I was expecting your call. Three years ago."
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"I see."
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"What happens if I choose not to give a speech?"
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"Uh-huh. And if I don't want to forfeit the award?"
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"All right, thank you."
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"- Problem. - What?"
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"They expect me to give a speech at the banquet."
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"I can't give a speech."
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"Well, no, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time."
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"What you can't do is shut up."
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"Yeah, before the movie, you did 20 minutes..."
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"...on why guacamole turns brown."
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"Turned brown while you were talking."
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"I'm perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups."
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"I cannot speak to large crowds."
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"What to you is a large crowd?"
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"Any group big enough to trample me to death."
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"General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children."
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"Sheldon. Congratulations."
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"Brought you cheesecake from work."
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"You know, because of your award, not because that busboy sneezed on it."
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"Turns out the great Sheldon Cooper has stage fright."
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"That's no reason to back out."
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"I once got a pretty big honor in high school."
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"I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd..."
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"...but I went through with it. You know?"
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"The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack..."
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"...in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the corn queen's court."
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"Thank you. I'll bear that in mind..."
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"...if I'm ever nominated for the Hillbilly Peace Prize."
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"- Sheldon, you're being ridiculous. - Am I?"
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"Let me tell you a story."
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"Where's 70 children when you need them?"
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"I was 14 and graduating summa cum laude from college."
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""Summa cum laude" is Latin for "with highest honors.""
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"I just love how you always skip over the part where no one asks."
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"I was valedictorian and expected to give an address."
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"Even now I can remember that moment..."
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"...when I walked up to the podium and looked out at the crowd."
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"There must have been thousands of people."
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"My heart started pounding in my chest."
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"I began to hyperventilate."
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"Oh, dear."
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"- Oh, my God. - Sheldon?"
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"- Sheldon, are you okay? - Don't trample me."
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"Come on, Mother, you know why I can't accept the award."
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"With all due respect, I don't think praying will help."
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"No, I have not heard the song "Jesus, Take the Wheel.""
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"No, no, no. You don't need to start singing it."
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"Yes, I'll buy it on "the iTunes," Mother."
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"Goodbye, Mother."
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"Hello."
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"- Sit down. We wanna talk to you. - Am I in trouble?"
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"Did my mother call you?"
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"Oh, I doubt that."
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"I haven't figured out a way and I'm much smarter than all of you."
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"Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together."
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"Oh, I'm sorry. That is what I meant."
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