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Clips from The Simpsons - Bart Gets Hit by a Car (S02E02)

"I'll bide my time."
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"Let him twist in the wind. Slowly, slowly."
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"When the papers have found their new flavor of the month..."
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"...he'll find out this cat has claws!"
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"Good thinking."
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"Now, let's pretend you're on the witness stand."
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"-How are you, Bart? -Fine."
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"Bart says he's fine."
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"You are not fine! You are in constant pain!"
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"I am in constant pain."
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"-May I make an observation? -What is it?"
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"This is a charade to make him look more injured than he is."
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"Maybe Lisa has a point."
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"I don't mind it here, but in court, doesn't he have to tell the truth?"
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"But what is truth, if you follow me?"
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"Bart, can you roll your eyes back in your head like this?"
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"You mean like I'm dead? Sure."
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"The kid's a pro."
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"Springfield Municipal Court is now in session. Judge Moulton presiding."
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"My client's instructed me to remind you how rich he is..."
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"I warn you, if you continue to disrupt the court..."
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"...I'll cite you for contempt."
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"-You wouldn't dare! -Well, no, I guess I wouldn't."
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"Calling Bartholomew J. Simpson to the stand."
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"Oh, please!"
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"Hello, Bart. You know the difference between telling the truth..."
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"...and telling a lie, don't you?"
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"Maybe."
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"Well, you wouldn't lie to the United States, would you, Bart?"
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"-No. -Good."
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"-Proceed, Mr. Hutz. -Thank you."
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"Tell the jury, in your own words..."
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"...what happened on the day of the accident."
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"Yes, sir. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon."
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"I played in my childlike way, not realizing I was about to be struck..."
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"Defenseless child at 3:00!"
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"Luckily, I was not killed."
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"Although sometimes I wish I had been."
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"Now, that's believable testimony."
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"...what really happened on the day of the accident."
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"Certainly. It was a beautiful day."
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"The sun was shining. I was driving to the orphanage to pass out toys."
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"Suddenly, that incorrigible Simpson boy darted in front of me."
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"My goodness! Look what's happened!"
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"-It's not important. Let's drive on. -You cold-blooded monster!"
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"Regardless of what you think, we must summon help..."
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"...and comfort him until an ambulance arrives."
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"No!"
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"Take me, I'm old!"
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"And that's what happened."
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"Why are you looking at me like that? You believed his story!"
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"It's looking good, Mr. Simpson. It's looking very good."
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"-Maybe a settlement-- -Settlement! Fine!"
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"Hang your heads in shame..."
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"...you overpriced, under-brained notary publics!"
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"Just get that ape to my house and we'll buy him off with a banana!"
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"And that ugly customer was the last Indonesian rhino on earth."
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"I didn't know you liked animals."
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"I don't like everything about them. Just their heads."
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"Care for some wine, old buddy?"
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"-Don't mind if I do. -Go, go!"
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"Bottoms up. There's plenty more where that came from."
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"Are you trying to get me drunk?"
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"Yes. Now, old chum..."
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"...I'm sure you agree this trial is an affront to our collective dignity."
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"What say we settle this, man to man?"
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"You mean duke it out?"
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"No, I mean I'm prepared to offer you a generous cash settlement."
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"Well, a handsome sum that can end this imbroglio once and for all."
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"Five hundred thousand dollars."
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"Goodness!"
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"Don't answer me now. Relax, talk it over."
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"Soak in the opulence of your surroundings and dream of what can be."
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"Smithers, let's go powder my nose."
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"-What do you think? -I don't know."
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"Maybe we should take it and put this ugliness behind us."
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"The fish is in the pan."
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"-What do you think? -I'll tell you."
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"I think he thinks I'm an idiot!"
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"He's offering us this because he knows he'll lose..."
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"...and have to pay us a million."
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"$500,000! I spit on his $500,000!"
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"What's happened to you? All this greediness and lying..."
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"...and shifty lawyers and phony doctors!"
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"Phony doctors? Hello."
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"Know what I'd settle for? The medical bills and an apology."
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"We'll let the jury decide. Good day. Smithers, release the hounds."
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"Your Honor, I'd like to call to the stand..."
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"...Mrs. Homer J. Simpson!"
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"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God?"
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"Yes, I do."
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"-She was taking that very seriously. -Oh, the truth!"
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"Mrs. Simpson, does the name Julius Hibbert mean anything to you?"
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"...ever since I became a mother."
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"He's seen us through everything with competence and loving care."
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"But wait a minute! I'm confused."
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"What's your opinion of him?"
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"My mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything.""
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"-Will that hold up? -No, I've tried."
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"What is your opinion of Dr. Riviera?"
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"And let me remind you, you're under oath!"
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"To be honest..."
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"...he seemed more concerned about wrapping Bart in bandages..."
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"...than making him feel better."
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"And he mispronounced words like "abdomen.""
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"Now that I think about it, I'm not sure he's a doctor."
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"And could you describe for us in your own words..."
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"...Bart's "intense mental anguish and suffering"?"
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"Well, I don't know how intense it was..."
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"...but he did miss three days of school."
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"Although he doesn't like school..."
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"...so that may not count as anguish."
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"It was hard on me, having him around the house."
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"Could you put a dollar amount on all these hardships?"
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"We pay Bart $5 a week to take out the trash."
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"I suppose if he'd been able to do it, we might've given him the $5."
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"$5?"
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"But your lawyer, assuming he is one, is asking for a million!"
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"Well, we can't blame them for trying, can we?"
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"Thank you, Mrs. Simpson."
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